Nameless Bonds..

There are some bonds that starts and it’s just there…
They sail through beyond the distance…
They never grow out with less dialogs…
They never fade with silence..
They don’t come with doubts…
They don’t come with expiry dates…
They exist beyond time..
Where we live in such a cynical world…such bonds are a blessing..
 
When you know they are there , no matter what..
When you know they are there, just a thought away…
Even when life is getting busier even for a call…
Even when life changes priorities every moment..
And when people say, they don't work that way…
I can shout out to them and say, you are wrong…
Some bonds, they don’t turn weak with changing life..
Some hearts were meant to be all the time strong…

To call us best, special, timeless, forever,

wonderful, lifetime....it doesn't matter...            

Some nameless bonds are needed in life...

On your day,...
I wish for you all that I wish for myself…
Today, Every day and Beyond…
 

Ksheama, Happiest Birthday my dear..:-)

Moments with you are forever!!

The last weekend – was filled with her thoughts only...
It’s a sad and shocking news to me...thoughts of that this should not have happened to her...
Everyone who knew her for sure will be having their heart broken...

I met her only once.. at the Grand Velas, Mexico – where we celebrated our GXS President’s club award...
Our friendship journey began since only then...
We shared about our relations.... talked like we knew each other for years.. about Bill...
... her daughter Katherine...how much she was preparing for the big day of her little girl..
We talked about our days in GXS , the difference of 0 from 3 to 30... sharing our laughter..
We both loved that trip so much, we used to talk over it again and again..
When our relation grew over Facebook – it was a magical love I was being showered to....
In every word of hers were a smile inside......it’s like happiness is in her all the time..
I remember the long chat we had last time – where we planned her next visit to India ...
and the promise I made to take her...those places she wanted to...
Now all those conversations are just sweet memories...for me...

I was checking those FB walls posts, photos, messages and thinking again and again about her...
I can never write the best words of tribute to Lisa, she was much more than that..
She was such a beautiful lady , an amazing human being...
Now that she is no longer with any of us.. my prayers go out to Lisa that her soul rest in peace..
Prayers to Bill and Katherine...that they get through these hard times of their life...
May God give strength for all of us to deal with this loss...

A sum of the moments I shared with her... in this snap...
Can never forget her....can never forget her love...
can never forget those wonderful moments we had together...
.... she is always alive in me....with the love she spread just by her smiles..
I am missing her , would miss her, keeping those wonderful memories always...

Moments with you...my dear...Lisa N Farwell are forever...!!
I am sure for most of us who knew her – it’s like that – forever..!!




In Memory of...
Mrs. Lisa Northcutt Farwell
April 4, 1962 - August 21, 2014

More than words

There would be no need of a picture if I could say it in words...
There would be no portrait of landscape if I could describe its beauty...
There would be no reason to paint if I could express in words...
There would be no reason to sculpt if I could read the letters...

When language and words are not enough - I get help from the pictures..
It’s so true that pictures speaks more than a thousand words...
I have used it several times – to speak out what I really want...

Last weekend when I met my friends.. I got gifted with a sign of love...
It was a handmade quill art – a sign of my football passion...
I busted into tears when she handed over me a gift...

When I cried , may be it came as a surprise to many...many never saw me cry..I guess...
It didn’t matter to me – that I was crying in front of all others...or if someone was looking at me..
It didn’t matter to me what she had done with her art ... it was the feel of being special..
I have never expressed to her - how much her friendship meant to me ..
Those special days in school and being a family she was more than a friend...
I would have never known what she still feel for me – if she had said it in words...
This frame of love – spoke to me that moment – I had missed her for years...



When all the years passed away – in not being with you...
When all time went on – in not being in touch with you...
I regretted all those moments of my life...when u needed me
My tears just took the way out to express that I missed you...

You just didn’t gift me a piece of frame of my passion..
But yes – it’s a gift of your time, your efforts, your skill, your sleepless nights...
A gift of your love.. I love you my dear...I love our relation...
I wish I had the best picture or frame to express it the way you did..!!

Thinking of My Best friend on My Bday...

There is always a best friend for everyone.. in some way or other .... And yes, even I have...
.. I had one best friend… then it became 2….slowly to 3….at last when it became more than 5…I tried to put them in buckets....
A bucket of Good friends, another of Close friends, then Bestest friends, some Soul friends, counted Lifetime friends…

The definition of a best friend to me is changed over the years…
My Best friend for me is now like all the ones I will never forget in my life… coz some friends are best at what they are….best at what they do to me… best at what they make me feel….
I have been so lucky to have some numbered friends in my lifetime... Without all these crazy ones… I can never be the real me..


1st – the one who loves me whatever shape I turn to, whatever mood I am on...whatever mistakes I do..
2nd – the one who I haven't seen for years... but the heart reaches out to them when glad and sad..
3rd – the one who I worry about if I don’t get a weekly call , then we chat for minutes without running out of topic..
4th – the one who I would be hurt if I didn’t knew the big and small things happening with them...
5th – the one who is there on gmail, fb, whatsapp, skype, msg, calls..name the app - whenever I need ..anytime...
6th – the one who calls whenever in town and try to squeeze in the talks - out of town topics and relive the past..
7th – the one who I see almost all day, shares bunches of this and that.. bears my drama and never fed up of the real me..
8th – the one for whom I hop on bike , ride to their home, meet them - for those are real busy bees in life...
9th – the one who is just there to say a hi -hru - and wear a smile , doesn’t matter we knew the current affairs..
10th – the one who lives on my FB likes and comments - and makes me feel - we are still on baby..
11th – the one who I lean on for pouring out my weirdest and confused emotions – and exactly knows what to say to me..
12th – the one who I dial /message immediately whenever something big is happening to in my life…
13th – the one who wishes on my bday every year. ..I dial on his and he on mine.. enough to let know we are special friends...
14th – the one whose voice I always recognize even at any wakeup call of my tightest sleep…
15th – the one whose blogs I read - doesn’t matter if seen each other for years or never will be able to meet in life..
16th – the one who is a colleague, being with me in the 4 walls , bearing all my daily tantrums at work…
17th – the one who is across the sea and let know of all the special things once a while in a call…
18th – the one who you know they are the same even if you don’t call them once a week, a month or in a year..
19th – the one who in my school/ college , who knew the teenage me , knows the new me in 2014 & still love the way I am…
20th – the one who misses my bday all years– and later dials in to tell that with a sorry face to let know how special I still am…
21st – the one who is so afraid of losing me with time – amidst of all other friend waves that surround me…
22nd – the one who brings a tear in my eyes when they cry, that’s when I know I don’t like them being sad..
23rd – the one who always prays for me every night & wishes all times best to happen with me..
24th – the one who always runs to me when in need and I know exactly what to say to make them feel good..
25th – the one who is always there for a glass of cheers and never says NO for a drink with me..
26th – the one who showed me how to be in love, how to be loved and drifted away holding a broken heart..
27th – the one who is much more than a friend and holds a special feeling in my heart …
28th – the one who knows to read my mind when my lips are sealed and is sure something is not right with me..
29th – the one who breaks my trust every time and I just can't let them go for I love them in some ways..
30th – the one who is always proud of the person I have become in life and aspires my wishes as their dreams..
31st – the one in my family – my father, mother, brother, sister, cousins , my aunt ,uncle, my grandma , niece or nephew.. the one at my home that knows the naked me..
32nd – this B'day.. I hope to find a new bucket…and the Love is set ON...Ready to give, give, give..... and live on... :-)

Dedicated to all my friends who touched my life....
You should know that.. you for sure, totally and definitely made a difference in my life by just being there …

The right thing to do with me.. !!!

“I was thinking I was doing right when I was going through the same...but it took me so long to realize that I am wrong.”
A liner that is so common to hear from anyone who has gone through it..

A good relation is a bond that comes from the heart.. and once you are glued to that person by your heart –
..... you don’t think twice to act or express for that person.
Every time you spend with them.... Every word you speak with them....
Every things you hear from them.. you make it a part of your life..
Everything you do for them feels important to you... Everything they make you do, you do it with heart..
With growing love in your relation you change so much unknowingly, you change for that person.
Your level of discomfort slowly moves on to the comfort zone and gradually you get adjusted with them...

It takes months, sometimes years or a lifetime to realize what you really going through..
A tick on the clock never tells that your love is taken as advantage.. and life is out of rails...
Every word you speak in care – turns out to be a disaster for an argument..
Every action you do with them, do for them – goes with the wind.
Do a thousand things , nothing counted.. still you try to be happy that you tried, you strived..
It gets to you like you failed to do something.. like you forgot to do something right..

You face the pain in the relation with great strength – for your heart is not just tired of them..
You bear the insult that this relation gives, you turn your face away so as to ignore the facts...
You overcome this broken trust in relation with great difficulty, demanding to trust again..
The only thing that matters to hold on is that you have been in it for long time...
You remember the times when you felt this love is forever.. this friendship is forever..
This relation is a lifetime...and now you don’t find any reasons to feel the same way.....

You never understand what caused this pain.. within you...
You start thinking that things will clear out soon...
I can quit, I never can....
I can run, I never think I can....
I don’t need you , I never wanna lose you...
Your brain and heart in a never ending conflict...
Your senses and wisdoms giving different battles...

You take advices from near and dear to deal with it somehow..
You take decisions that never works out to be true to you..
You go through days where you stop believing in self..
You feel you can’t fulfill the expectations in relation..
You feel you cannot maintain any relation in your life..
You feel you can never be a good friend to anyone..
You feel you are the one who is root of these problems..
They MAKE you feel like you are not worthy enough..

You don’t need to prove who is right and wrong in this..
This relation is proving every day in your life - that you are weak..
You just need to know that you are not yourself anymore..
The day is today to realize this relation is not what you need in life..
Waiting for a rescuer to come, waiting for a time to come...it’s not going to happen..
End the wait is what you need to do – to know that You are your savior...and no one else.

If you still feel - you are STRONG...
Thinking that you have all the power to tolerate with the hurt in a relation... accepting all the unwanted dramas that this relation give..
And you try to survive and survive and survive till your heart is completely cut into pieces... You are wrong my dear... You are not strong enough!!
Your real strength is when you know that this music is out of tune and no lyrics is going to make it right...
Your real strength is when you break these chains and set you free... and you see that you are good enough for you!!!

“Any relation without love is still a relation , but without respect it never was a relation and never can be.."

My voice is on my wall, so is yours...!!!

Facebook is on my favorites, most visited, recent history, recently closed tabs... I hope many of us do have the same name on their browser or on their ipad, iphone or so called tablets...

Many of us - just like me - use this to stay in touch with friends, acquaintances, have fun, play games, meet old school friends, make new friends, hunt jobs....and much more... Yes. Orkut, twitter, fb, linkedn all of them for sure helped me in many ways...but is this really working out for me in ways I really want to? Is this really working out for all of us as it should – or is FB controlling our emotions?

Is this blue page slowly painting my relations blue? what if these social sites is in actual driving my relations? Is posting on my friend's wall really giving the same feel as I would give it in person...? Staying in touch with FB is giving me an excuse to call them ? meet them ? maybe even message them or email them? Why do I expect my friends to know my life's action, good news, bad news, my thoughts.....through FB? and why do they have to give an excuse "I posted on FB, u didn't know, u didn't see?"


Is this wall really helping my relations ? Is it there to build or drift us in ways we never knew...? There used to be times where at least a call made sure that we are in touch... but nowadays my voice is on my wall and I hear my friend/family through their likes and comments.
Are you waiting for my smile and tears on the wall?
Will you recognize my voice if I happen to give a call?
Or am I the real Dumbo here- my friends and family do expect a call or a post on FB is enough for them?

Thoughts churning inside me - on how FB is taking relations to new directions….!!!!!
My relation with you grows with the number of posts on ur wall, my likes, my comments... if I stay on your timeline every second does that make me your good close buddy? Are we all starting to judge and measure our relations with the count of likes and comments ?
This blog post is eventually gonna hit on my wall – and yes no shame in admitting that I keep a watch on who likes , # of likes? who comments on this etc…..?
So is this open book really making my social life come into a vertex where there is no escape?

Huh!!!! Is this just another crazy thought running in my head -? Or let me guess...Am I slowly feeling to get bored of fb? Or am I trying to judge this wall? Or is it poking me so much that I need to take break from this blue window ?

For my love… For my dear…

Remembering our good old days….
Fun days at School, Plus two, NSS days,
Our great lifetime Gujarat trip...

Bunking classes...Kavitha theatre...
Baby beach…Sajani’s house out...
Vasuettan pazhampori...18 number bus..
Our coaching classes in tcr...
Train journeys…bus seats one on lap top…
My night stays at Domlur..
Outing in restaurants...
Roaming and window shopping...
Shopping until the night is dark...
Grabbing and hogging food like crazy..
Watching Gandhi class movies like old times..
Little Italy and celebrations...
Those seashell Biriyani and the bottles we collected..
Typical girly talks when there is a threesome...
Searching lost things in room...


Fame aerobics every day...salsa dance and crussover…:-)
Gossiping about all the other things in the world..
Watching those meaningless serials on TV..
The endless list of memories I hold with you..
Beyond words it is...and I don’t need to express this...
For I am so lucky you can hear my silence....!!!

No matter how much old you are ...no worry...just come to me...
I am there to lie to you - “hey...you look beautiful today”

When your colour changes...

It all started with this...
I just came...I go green...

I see grey....I know he is offline
I wonder....if invisible mode?

I see green....I know he is available
I guess....chatting with whom?

I see orange....I know he is away
I reason....away for long time?

I see green....I know he is available
I confused...should I ping him?

I see orange....went away again...
I depressed...should’ve pinged!!!

I see him green...available again..
I ponder..let me start with a hi..!!



I see him green... still green...
I think...is he really free?

I see orange....oh idle again..
I guess ...busy in other windows?

I see red...oh busy now..
I shout.....I wanna talk...

I see red...busy still...
I miserable...why so busy?

I see green...ahh..free...
I type...’hey u there ?’

I see grey....what..??
I sigh....there goes ’hey u there ?’

I see grey...still see grey...
I go glum...not interested...?

It all ended....waited for green..
I better go now.....I go grey!!!

Back to the same shade....!!!

I didn't want to write anything on this...!!!!
but my earlier post - explains it....
..hmmm....

hating helplessness

I hate this..... getting into this state...!!!!!!!!!!
Grrrr...!!!!!!!

Those long night calls we do !!!

A long conversation whatever it may be...
When it’s done between you and me who love to talk..
And words flow like as if no shortage to express..
When we don’t have to search for a topic...
Laughing at things that hold no point...
Simply arguing silly with each other...
Holding onto one's self...showing stubbornness..
Saying how much the relation values to each other...
And feeling that this crazy talks bind us...
Before saying bye, I wish if I couldn’t end...
And just keep on talking the whole time!!
When everything I say can only be heard...
And I can't see the dear one I am talking to...
So far across the distance we are…
I realize the truth....between you and me..
I am on my cell phone ....
Oh, I need to pay these mobile bills..!!!

Scream to make a difference?

It is natural for one person in love to feel that nothing more than me in this world will ever matters to the person I love.
It is natural for a person having a best friend to feel that no matter what happens, my friend is always there for me ...

These thoughts and feelings have no reason for themselves....
We feel that - for we want to feel that way - that's what makes us happy!!
But in real - these feelings have no meaning...at all..!!!
Feelings change , so is people, so is friends, so is love!!!

Sometimes it is just not enough to know that the person we love is beside us...
Its required to have it make it feel somehow - that they are really there!!!

Sometimes it is just not enough to hear from the other that they haven't changed..
Its required to have to make it feel that same thoughts still persists!!!

It is so hard to experience the change a relation goes through in different times....It may become strong or weak with time, but the best times never come again...
It is so hard to adjust with changing time, changing relations, changing feelings, changing reactions, changing words....on top of all changing eyes!!!

It’s true that friends try to be in touch - but it’s actually so hard to be in touch (in presence) after having their own priorities and responsibilities in life....
Still, heart wishes that old times come over, any time call, any time talks, any time see....anytime ,anywhere...!!!

I was in a phase of my life, where i wanted my best loved ones or friends to be side of me....
It came to realization soon - that no matter how deep rooted a relation or love is, there are times where life's priorities take over the value of relations..
Having not felt the presence of my friends, I felt sad...
but then later i felt - sometimes it wouldn't have made any difference if they were somewhere nearby. All would be busy in their own things...
Now it’s like used to not having one beside - when in actual need...(emotional support being by side is what everyone wants)

Why is it so hard to be the same way as we were one day? Is it because change is a rule of nature and all of us are forced to change in some way or the other...
I don't know....why I am so emotional nowadays... and still hard to express it.

Yes, I am finding hard to say it to the world –
“Yes, I feel lonely with none of my friends really beside me”.
I wanted to scream and shout this and say to all my close friends out there , but what if the scream doesn’t make any difference?

This post is reaching nowhere!!! Winding up!!!

14th year - The Meet was special!!!

I was thinking what to wear, saree ?salwar? It’s after so long years me meeting.....with all...!!! I wanted to look the best....!!
14 years passed after we got of the school……it’s a long time!!! 1997 Batch St. Teresa's Anglo Indian Girls High School!!!

I was so busy at office the whole week.....but Facebook - countdown messages made me feel that day is near...!!
I boarded bus from Bangalore Friday 22nd night...and the bus met with accident... Horrible state!!!
But then I felt before every happiness is achieved - some hard times are there for sure....!!!

I was so excited as the day came.... Got dressed up, grabbed an umbrella and just set off in an auto....
I was thinking will all come dressed up like coming for a wedding? Or simple dressed? In Saree? We didn’t have any dress code…..
Sunday 11 was time - reached around 11:30....at the venue - Malabar Residency...
Receptionist told - its 5th floor – I entered lift..and then the 5th floor came.
Oh God.... !!! spotted Sayana in saree.....Delna and Shumla sitting together - with a table - with lots of papers on the table….
We have a registration desk ?
......shumla gone slim and her chubby cheeks weren’t there ……as she had in school times....
Minnu - I couldn’t recognize her......she was not in my FB frnds list as welll!!! But when she smiled big and rolled her eyes to me - asking - u don’t remember me????????
- yeah!!!! I do remember...you....long hair one -plait two sides.. is now short - and with specs !!!
Rubiyaaaaaa.....I was confused and finally recognized…..
"500rs" - Shumla madam was quick and prompt at it... .:-) Gave it right away….else felt she will snatch it from me….
Filled one registration form - felt like I am filling some admission form :-)
Was thirsty – and at registration desk - welcome drink was there - just had it gulped....!!
Was checking who all came....etc.... meanwhile others started joining in..

Divya CK - no surprise to see her …….as I have seen her twice in blore.... !!!
Then - Shabana, Reshna, Shyma....all started coming in…..
I entered the hall - pushed open the door....spotted - Amritha, Mary priya, Vinaya, Sandhya.....some faces didn’t change at all....
Shirin came with a big cake...Lovlin, Sajani....
In another 15 , 30 minutes…..minutes - all started pouring in!!! Awesome it was !!!!!!!!!

I didn’t expect - that all would feel this much happy on seeing each other....and also that feeling was real - genuine - could actually feel it when we all met.....
just like old times..... all were really happy...... We were just going back to old times...

Our school photo frame was there in the hall - which we started looking at -the change everyone had...and started recalling all names….

Suddenly -one flash clicked from one camera………ooooooooh…..!!!! That’s it!!!!! - All jumped as if this is the first time we seeing or posing for camera!!! 10 clicks from 10 different camera's for same pose!!! and clicking there - here – there……gang of 3, gang of 5...posed for all types of clicks...
Can’t stop to mention - that Delna, Shumla was back at registration desk - still doing their best..... Went and clicked some snaps there as well!!!

Sayana - had tough time stopping girls from doing photo clicks to start the function.... she too got carried away and started posing for clicks...!!!
Shiji called in between – and when sayana said shiji is on call online - we all screamed like hell – so she can hear us !!!!

At last - Registration was done – 26 was the number !!! Some didn’t turn up from the list Sayana had….
We all sat round at the hall –in centre one table was there…..the cake and photo had its place on the table….

Sayana - kicked off the mic by saying some sahithyam words - about this get together....it was so nice to hear that….. !!
She told of friends that couldn’t make it to the function……

Then….
We stood up in silence for our two dear friends Megha and Zabila - who is no more with us.... We remembered them in silence and prayed for them....!!!!

We went ahead with the prayer.... Amritha as usual...!!
"Sarva chara chara shrashtaavam daivamey...sathya sanathaney chaithanyame...."
Amritha - sang it full while we all catched up with her in broken words …

Lovlin took the attendance - she is our yellow badge leader!!! we all acknowledged - "Present Miss", "Present" , "Absent"...
Then we had the introduction session, cake cutting – 14 candles were lit….. the cake was awesome –
We tried to start with 'God bless St.teresa's school....Long may she prosper, long may her children loyal be....." First para itself went down. We couldn't remember it fully... :-(
hmm... Divya CK took the pleasure of cutting the cake into pieces.....
Shirinnnnnnnnnnnnn – yeah fudge was yummy…good choice dear….!!!! By the way I ate 2 pieces !!!

Sayana narrated the stories of how hard she had tried for all of us to make this happen....
I am sure everyone was feeling so happy and so proud of her. This wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t for Sayana!!!

Then we gave away awards to each other….
Early comer to the function, mother of highest kids, beads numbering, lucky person of the day , lean or slim one among us, fattest among us, best dressed for the day….etc lots categories….
In middle of all this…..we talked of Roshni, Priji, Jayashree, Soya, Sabee, Shybi, Diana mathews, Diana thomas, Meenakshi, Namitha, Joker Namitha, Boarding days ......most of them who couldn't make it... all of them somehow came into topic of discussion….

It was getting lunch time ….we postponed the lunch a bit – as photographer arrived…
Sayana asked if we can put photo in local newspaper….. YES!!!!!
Took the group snap – with some of us standing and sitting on chairs….:-)
Shumla was not ready to leave the sitting chair on side..:-) you can see her in the snap!!!
Shirin turned at me - put your hair in front - let all see... !!!
Somehow we all were set - and the photographer clicked it many times – then yes the final one!! DONE.
Just as it was done - I was getting down from chair to the ground - searching my sandals...and wanted to see how the photo came off well or not?
Then noticed a crowd....I was not able to see the guy who took the photo ???
Everyone had surrounded the photo man to see - how the photo has come - .....he was attacked by us all!!! Typical girls!!!
Yeah, we were typical girls - I felt that we had already forgotten our age, that we are working women or housewives or a mother of a kid or a daughter in law…
.....we were just the Xth std typical girls – that “aakrantham” we all had was superb!!! Just like old times grabbing the Tiffin boxes at lunch time….!!!! I loved that!!!

..Then we asked the photographer to take a click - group photo - in each of our camera...... poor guy took a snap in all the camera ......and at the end Shirin's mobile camera too got a chance to click us .. and that turned out to be best shot as per the photo man!!!

Headed for lunch - Soup , Porotta, Fried rice, veg and non veg items - then ice cream and Gulab jamun..!!!Everyone picked food and started having it..!!

I sat with Tina and had lunch, talked lots...- I realized slowly...the bonding is still there - no matter how many years had passed!!! She is still the same and I do care for her in the same way I did years back.......She is friend and family to me as well - I was feeling sad that for so long - why I was out of touch with her? why didn’t I keep in constant touch with her....!!!
Then after lunch - when some started leaving - I felt the same with everyone.....we could have stayed in touch even some time back, a gettogether after 10 years would have been possible....
But better late than never ..14 years!!! Yes - A photo Started it all!!!! Thanks to FB- Mark Zuckerberg Zindabaad!!!

We continued with games in the afternoon - after lunch... some recall names game….etc…
Sumi came –in middle and she sat beside me….she has gone slim changed bit – gone slim…..
She was asked to recall all of our names…. and I am not goofing up – she actually remembered all names – in one say!!! She didn’t take 2 seconds to recall a name!!!!!
Passing the cap was done……Delna grabbed the winner prize… Most of them left the venue as was getting late….
Reeshu joined us with her kids…..around this time…… It was nice to meet her – she was same almost – not much change , cute kids!!!

We were still talking…. some were leaving…some were planning to leave….
Megha’s parents joined us…then…
Felt good they had come…..It was a different feeling….for us….
Had got a box full of chocolates for all of us !!!
Talked for a while, took snaps with them…and then they left …..
To hide back tears and still rejoice in our happiness…I don’t know how aunty and uncle did that….
Can’t write more on how that feels to me…..

It was 5pm – and we were winding up….
Sayana, Delna and Shumla started settling accounts…and it was getting done….
We left the hall…..….entered the lift….. Ground floor first floor, where to get down – after a confusion we all got down at basement….!!
That’s it – done……!!!!

Hmm.. It was slightly raining – I got an auto and headed back home!!!!!

This day is special……. A lot special to me….. and special to whoever came there…and whoever missed……!!!!

You don't have to...

You don’t have to walk with me for we once held hands as one..
but...
Walk with me only if you can give me your hand without a thought...

You don’t have to see me for we met so often in the huge crowd…
but...
Meet me only if you don’t worry of the crowd where we are in..

You don’t have to talk to me, for we talked all long days and nights..
but...
Talk to me only if you feel to share thoughts of us with time...

You don’t have to trust me , for you trusted in me every moment...
but...
Trust me only if you feel your heart is safe always in my hands..

You don’t have to care for me for that's all you did ever in your life..
but...
Care for me only if you still feel, never tired in life to do so…

You don’t have to be with me for you stood with me all along…
but...
Be with me only if you are not embarrassed to be seen with me…

You don’t have to understand me, for your soul always knew me..
but...
Know me only if your soul still can see who the real me I am..

You don’t have to love me , for you loved me once with your heart…
but...
Love me only if you feel love and if that’s what make you selfless..


You don't have to stay with me for we sat on this tree forever..
but...
When leaves shed and you are bored, feel free and happy to fly away...

My hobbies changed with you...

I remember me in school days....I had cultivated stamp collection...and picture collections..
2 albums – one for stamp..another for pictures...sticking whatever I felt good.. and I had a good set of encouragers to do so..
I used to love what I do – and I would talk about this as my hobby to all..and each I met...

But in my teens I used to have tough time thinking – what is my hobby yaar.. ?
If hobby is a thing you do in your free time – or something when you are alone- squeeze meeeee.... I never had time left to do things – be whatever called a hobby..
Crowded with people – of all age groups.. and thats it..time just passes by for me...
Freak out..small shopping’s, movies & theatres, cricket , get togethers, jus roaming here and there....cycling, long swims in beaches all added to that...
Well- it’s the age where you actually want to understand the meaning of what is life to be? How to live it excitingly..and never get bored..!!
Yup....!! Involve in all sorts of freaks , ups and downs, all sorts of restrictions , thousands of smiles, imitate my hero, break the rules then scolding and warnings, silly tears...don’t know what all..to list...
I am on top of the world – Teenage is the age that makes you want to feel like that..:-)
Guess free time hobbies – got erased from my life ..reason was obvious..
me being the crown in my friends priority list ....I was actually on top of this world.

Life moves on... Years passed.. Never through these years I had a hobby to name one..
City never slept so early for me – when I was surrounded with my dear and near ones..
But without them, yes.. it goes to snoring loud ..so early at the sunset..
When I sit and think – how to kill time on a weekend, or wht to do today if I am back home early.. .. ?
Wondering have I to type Google 'what to do on free time’ ...?? Do i do that??
Or should I make facebook and orkut as my best buddies...?

Hobbies changed with changing priorities of others...
From a list of 0 – I started making it count till 12, 13..etc..
I don’t want to be a couch potato ....so my hobby list is increasing..with time.. and in the list this blog is on the tops now!!!!!!


Your changing priorities in life ...made me change my hobbies my dear friends...
..(inspired from the lazy post... Priorities... a suggested read)

I feel like that when you are near me..

Happiness is not always heavenly..
It a bliss when its felt deep in the soul..
Where all my real smiles dance in my heart..
I feel like that when you are near me..

Unexpected visits and meetings always creates delight..
It takes away all deep rooted sadness for a while..
Inner self feels filled with bundles of ecstasy..
I feel like that when you are near me..

Special is what I am , I felt in these days..
It takes away all lonesomeness in heart and soul..
Crowded surroundings don’t seem lonely around me..
I feel like that when you are near me..

Clutter disappear and my mind is crystal clear..
It takes away all the uncertainty in the thoughts..
Love is what I experience in this little life of mine..
I feel like that when you are near me..

A friend is a blessing… sent from heavens above..
And when it is you, I am ready for the challenge..
Challenge this world..for not losing you with time..
I feel like that when you are near or far..

Are we 2? Or are we 6?

This interesting conversation came up with AR, when was trying to pull out the moody and lazy me to life.....
Yeah- It was being long since we talked either on phone?or thru a mail or a chat…

So when words like “2 of us talking would be boring…” came up…
I just reminded on the The Dark room conversation we had which was unbeatable one and that had made me blog it.

Suddenly from nowhere I know..…. the psycho in me popped up…..and gave its customary shape!!!

“let’s say u and me are talking, here there are only 2.. but actually 6 are there...and this is a fact
And the
1st person - the person whom I think who I am.
2nd person - the person whom U think who I am..
3rd person - the person who I actually is.
4th person - the person whom U think U are...
5th person - the person whom I think who U are..
6th person - the person who U actually is...”

: So we need to now feed all the 6 people ; definitely troublesome!!!
: No worry, here the 3rd and 6th person is always dumb.. so we don’t have to feed them..
:all the other 4 egos need to be fed thoroughly !!!
: 1st person - and 4th person – are deaf... check this… 1st and 4th - is what I think of I ; and what U think of U..rt.?? and these both person feel - there is nothing to change....and no need to hear....; so they tend to remain deaf...
: So in that case only left with the impressing two? Wont our conversations be boring?
:what if the 1st and 4th wishes to hear, and stop being deaf......!!! Then it’s never boring...and that’s where friendship works out...


I don’t know what made me blabber all these…conversations that took the lazy me out of me…for a while..
Seems like times we chat – just becomes memorable to me in some ways…

Hating helplessness…

At times where someone dear to you is struggling...
And you can feel clearly that its utmost pain to them...
Yeah, nothing can help – wait and watch...

At times where someone dear to you is stressed...
And you know the deep rooted reason for the stress...
Yeah, nothing can help – wait and watch...

At times where someone dear to you is frazzled...
And you know what to do to provide the soothe...
Yeah, nothing can help – wait and watch...

At times where someone dear to you is tied...
And you know where to find those chain keys...
Yeah, nothing can help – wait and watch...

Sometimes life is so helpless….And now I feel so helpless...
I feel handcuffed -for the only thing I can do now...
Only thing I can do is - stop worrying of my dear one...
Only thing I can do happens to be the most impossible one...

Our Evening Meetings

Our Evening Meetings...
That’s what I like to call it now...
It’s really hard to make time to meet my friend - even when I know she is going through tough times of her life...or even I badly wanted to see her...and even when we know yes its being long since we seen each other...
Planning for holidays, waiting for weekends, that is not there between us now...
Today evening - be it for half hour or one hour..that’s it - its today....
And yes office hours doesn’t seems to gets over by 6pm all days...and making time is also a tough job....but yes we made it .....like last time...

Yesterday I was feeling so happy as a friend...
And I know you would be really happy in your life that I am there with you...
You have been an inspiration to me and I had never thought I would one day have to try hard to make u inspired, motivated , lift you up from the pit hole you falling into....
trying to inject inside you all positive energy I had that very moment...
Yesterday when I was with you...sipping that hot tea in the cup …in A2B, and while we were pouring out each other whatever we could... I was listening to my heart....
"Oh God have I made it late.....I shouldn't have waited for weekends, or holidays or half day free time...to meet my friend...."

No wonder all says- If you want it - that’s it - this is it today...it’s just today - it’s just now this moment....do it now..and yes it applies for keeping in touch with friends too....and no excuse turns out to be real excuses for not doing it...


Yes my friend, that’s it - I would very well want our evening meetings..now and then...rather waiting for a time to come for us to meet in leisure...

I never want you to get lost - atleast till I can buy 2 cups of tea to sip on..:-)

You , my special one...

Sometimes a state of happiness is achieved only from the special one...
Happiness that touches the heart..and remains in the soul….
On seeing that someone….On hearing voice of someone...
On being with that someone for some time...
That special person is always born to bring special happiness to you…
They capture your thoughts, able to change them in a second...
Enter into your mind pull away all worries haunting you...
And then you feel so happy inside that rest everything seems worthless…

I feel everyone in this world will have a special someone,
mother, father, bro, sis, friend, wife, husband, daughter ,son..
or sometimes in forms of a relation where a name is unknown..
Agreeing to the verity that happiness of life, is all that matters to living.
Everyone tends to seek it…be it any ways….in any form..
When I set aside all my work, al priorities just for you...
Alas the wait ended when I could meet you after a long span..
When I saw you today….I was exactly feeling only one thing....
You, the one where my soul gets tied up tight in your sight…..
Happiness flowed in me for I was yearning for it...
And yes it was only you who could ever make me feel so happy like that...
and that was really enough for me to make me straight...
For I felt really blessed..and yes really blessed..
That I have found the special someone in you..
The special someone has touched my life long time back...
Still stay as my special friend of this lifetime…forever...