Thursday, July 30, 2015

I can say, I do not know...

While at work......

2009 marked the beginning of an era where-in I had to attend this call at least biweekly..
The Quality Call or the QC.....that occurs every day and I had to dial in to it if any of my supported products had an issue.
Everyone on the call used to be bombarded with appropriate and relevant technical questions that always started with ...
when did this..?
how did it.. ?
how long it ..?
why it had to..?
what caused.. ?
what was done..?
what time this was... ?
when can you...?
what impact.. ?
who owns this.. ?
and many more...

Even with 5 years’ experience tag on my shoulders – I was kind of nervous to attend this call...
This was a tough time where 6pm evenings used to be scary time...
I attended many of it – but still a small nervousness always used to creep in....
During these calls....many times I responded not knowing what I had to say exactly and at times relied on others on the call to answer it for me..
This pattern continued...for we were having a busy support time on most of our products... most often had late night SWAT calls, later action review meetings, root cause identification... bug fixes... all that sums up the activities of end to end support..

But yes, there had to be a trigger to end this scary crow episode...
Until then... one fine evening....in one of the teleconference meeting with my Big-Boss Steve ..... (his office is in US.. so we used to have one call with him monthly)
He popped out this question from nowhere....I guess...
“Shruthi - I had to ask you this .... how ok are you attending Quality calls ? Are you ok being there? Is it pretty late for you to attend ? any trouble you have or do you go to it with fear? If you are not ok – just let know”

I was surprised as that was out of context.... but yeah... I was glad he asked that...while somewhere back of my mind I had it running – how did you find out that I am afraid to attend the call?
My reply to him was an indirect or may not be the right one... I was not ready to admit that I was starting to dislike the calls... coz of my unsaid fear...
“hmm...it’s ok... Steve, I don’t have any problems to attend...hmmm.... It’s that......hmm..... sometimes I don’t have answers to tell them when they ask.. ..and huh..sometimes it’s too early to investigate and put across the right answers before the call.... so I kind of find it difficult at times ...”

The long pause between words was enough for him or for the matter anyone to understand I was running in a mode called QC fear ..... the fear of putting across the wrong things to senior technical people on the call... the distress of answering to those questions which I can’t even make out what it meant...an unsaid shame of going wrong in a call when a hundred ears are listening to only you..

Steve’s response was not exactly the same as below.. but it came to me like a bulls eye shot....
“That is ok , it always happens, you don’t need to have all answers with you... Whoever may be asking, whatever it is – just tell them straight – ‘I don’t know... I do not have an answer to this one’. You can always tell them to follow up with you later.. You don’t have to be scared of anyone– they ask questions because that is their job to do so...and you are doing a wonderful job.... I can ask your manager to attend it. You don’t need to stay back evenings all the time for the QC.”

“Ok. Steve. Ok... Thank you..” My response to him was short... I was not quite sure what more I wanted to say..
....and the meeting continued with other topics...


By the time I came back from the meeting room to my desk – that alien feeling with the QC had gone off...
I was not feeling any fear...it was like I was all ready for a thousand calls..
I repeated his words in my mind.....
With the blue marker I wrote it on my desk...“I can say, I do not know”
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Many people around you ....inspire.. encourage....motivates and drives you...your family ,besties ...your hero figures....
.... but very few can reach to the unknown darker or deeper side of you... they just fly in and move those big rocks that was stopping you from doing things....


By a word... or a deed or a small gesture they help us in ways we never thought of...
And true that things like this may be happening to me daily... or may be with every one of us...
We normally don’t notice these things that others does for us ...
Many unsaid ‘Thank you’ s always remain in our life....

P.S. :
Dedicating this post to Steve....
A small sign to show how much of positives he has brought to my life... Thank you!!