Fail again for love..

True love happens to you only once...may be it's a state where one fails..!!
Sometimes it’s too hard to win over with that state of life...!!
The state where you try hard...hard..and still try harder....and still fail!!
How hard u try to hide it in you..or you try to bury it inside….never works..!!

Love doesn’t fail...ever.....it always win over you...always..!!
It wins over you in a way that you never would have dreamt of happening..!!!
It wins over you in a way that your heart is tied up - along with ur body and soul..!!
It wins over you in a way that you start fighting with anything that blocks its way...!!!

An attempt to escape seems so impossible when it has knocked your door once...!!
All your experience, all your strategy, all your efforts never works against it!!
Try harder to get rid of it, love bangs you and finds a way to stay inside you!!!
And when love wins over you...all you would want to do is fail again and again for it!!!

Keeping my Self in your Shelf..

Did you ever had time to see my changes?
How much I changed and why I had to change...
What is that I feel now ,how far I changed...
How can you know me now...feel me now...?
All the while you were busy in your own life!!
Never once you looked at the shelf of yours..
How badly my shape had changed in there..

And now that I got out of your shelf today..
All you can see is the scars I have on me..
Bringing back in the change to stay alive..
Now that I am polishing and adoring me..
Trying to fix the self that got lost in ur shelf..
The selfish you in you just cracked up..huh?
All you can judge me in a word is Selfish!!

When your colour changes...

It all started with this...
I just came...I go green...

I see grey....I know he is offline
I wonder....if invisible mode?

I see green....I know he is available
I guess....chatting with whom?

I see orange....I know he is away
I reason....away for long time?

I see green....I know he is available
I confused...should I ping him?

I see orange....went away again...
I depressed...should’ve pinged!!!

I see him green...available again..
I ponder..let me start with a hi..!!



I see him green... still green...
I think...is he really free?

I see orange....oh idle again..
I guess ...busy in other windows?

I see red...oh busy now..
I shout.....I wanna talk...

I see red...busy still...
I miserable...why so busy?

I see green...ahh..free...
I type...’hey u there ?’

I see grey....what..??
I sigh....there goes ’hey u there ?’

I see grey...still see grey...
I go glum...not interested...?

It all ended....waited for green..
I better go now.....I go grey!!!

If you...

If you are still mad at me – for a wrong thing I did some time back…?
If you still plan to whine all time for the same thing and make me feel bad..?
Then I need to tell u now..
I no longer give a damn to that….!!! No more give a damn to what you think.
If you can’t feel I am sorry, you can never feel my love for you..!!

The best friends I ever knew!!

The only friend you have, had and will always have..
I think I know who it is.. It’s CHANGE…

Time’s best friend - ( a fictional thought )

No one would dare to make friends with you…
Why would anyone want to get stuck with time…?
I am all the while fighting with you to make a living.
Why should I tolerate your tastes and your dramas..?
Who will stick to you forever and would want to?
You are already so much in love with Change…
You hold on to Change in every tick of yours..
The only best buddy you want to be with …

Your relation with change is so horrifying to me…
And sometimes it acts as the way to happiness..
Your relation with change is so annoying to me..
And sometimes it’s so very soothing too..
It helps me feel new passions, new relations, new aches..
It helps me give new promises, new chances, new pains..
It helps me grow old, grow strong, grow wise..
It helps me see new paths, new sunrise, new life..

I don’t know whether I should be happy that you both are best buddies.
But it’s true your relation with change influence my life a lot..
I don’t think I would ever able to decide why you both are best friends…
But it’s true your relation with change helps me decide my best friends…

When I was born , I was tied to you...
Just like you were tied to Change..

I realize you– that with time - change is a must..
How hard I try – I can never separate you both..
You are the best friends I ever knew!!
If I embrace time, I am holding hands with change too!!!


P.S. - I wanted to express more - but not able to write more on the relation with time and change!! They both share a relation that I can never express in my simple , silly words!!

Expectations Fulfilled.....

The pressure in a relation to meet the expectation of the other…
Is that the most challenging part….?
Needless to say that everyone wants the same...
It doesn’t matter if you are an all time “Meets expectation” of another...
At some point you will fall short of any one’s expectation, any one’s feelings, any one’s trust...
A time is there, may be you can’t do it or hold it for long...
But that doesn’t mean you are not capable of it…And that doesn’t mean that you are not fit for a relation...

My dear, just need to give a second thought and see what you are..
If you feel that you are falling short of one’s feelings…and you know that you can hurt them coz of that..
And knowing that you tried and couldn’t make it out the best....but still know how the other feels..
Guess that’s it - Be happy that you understand the emotions of the other..
Yeah, just be happy you tried..The thing that only matters is that you tried...
You know you haven’t come short of the expectation of who you are..

Fill your bucket first – never fall short of being what you are..
My expectations of what I am from me – that’s what is I need to fulfill!!!!!
In the end its just about being happy of who you are….:-)

You don't have to...

You don’t have to walk with me for we once held hands as one..
but...
Walk with me only if you can give me your hand without a thought...

You don’t have to see me for we met so often in the huge crowd…
but...
Meet me only if you don’t worry of the crowd where we are in..

You don’t have to talk to me, for we talked all long days and nights..
but...
Talk to me only if you feel to share thoughts of us with time...

You don’t have to trust me , for you trusted in me every moment...
but...
Trust me only if you feel your heart is safe always in my hands..

You don’t have to care for me for that's all you did ever in your life..
but...
Care for me only if you still feel, never tired in life to do so…

You don’t have to be with me for you stood with me all along…
but...
Be with me only if you are not embarrassed to be seen with me…

You don’t have to understand me, for your soul always knew me..
but...
Know me only if your soul still can see who the real me I am..

You don’t have to love me , for you loved me once with your heart…
but...
Love me only if you feel love and if that’s what make you selfless..


You don't have to stay with me for we sat on this tree forever..
but...
When leaves shed and you are bored, feel free and happy to fly away...

I did it right!!

Sometimes life is too short to sit and imagine..
What I did is right or wrong...??

I liked what I did, when I did it, where I did it, whom I did for....the way I did it!!!!!
That’s more for me...to be sure ; yes I did it right...!!!

!!!!

True love is all about expecting beyond deserved, still loving beyond limits..:-):-)

You stand near the shore..

You stand near the shore..all time..
Count on the waves….and think of me..
You stand near the shore..all time
Sketch on the sand…and look at me..
You touched me with your feet..
Tickled smile.... moved far from me..

Tried to scribble , touched you again..
Tried more harder to reach you again..
Tell you to take a deep dive within..
Touch me to feel how deep and vast..
Not enough standing on the shore…..
Come closer to and then know more..

Trust me for I will not hurt you..
To Uncover the secrets I hold within
Trust me for I will not hurt you..
To Uncover the love I hold within

You are afraid for I seem unruly..
You are mystified for I seem grisly..
You stand near the shore..all time..
You can never taste the actual me..

ME's

Believe me, forgive, me, trust me, love me, stay with me, care me , respect me, appreciate me, see me, help me, talk to me, miss me, hold me, all of the ME is part of life..

What all ME’s and how much of ME’s is that I need or expect from others...is what I have to be clear!!!!

Forgetting the Recycle bin…

Some experience in life – if its good we always want them to be cherished. We never forget them.
But some, if it’s a bad one that caused pain, tear, embarrassment or failure – we just want them out of memory.
I often do the same – good memories – relive them at most of the times making life beautiful.
And never never try to think of the bad times that I came across in life…
But I wonder why this ridiculous, stupid, terrible old bad moments come to me at times and make my life out of tune?
Guess I failed to do something…like I forgot to learn something….?

I strive to avoid and run away from the unwanted strain in my life…
I don’t care about those things in life that takes away a smile from me…
I always remember to delete stressful things…and put them all in my bin….
But it’s so true that I keep forgetting this bin of mine..

I stare at the Recycle bin on my computer..…more than 3000 items..:-)
That number counts from Jan 2010 – that is 3000 items for 40 days.??
I wondered then ; I can’t blame my life- for my mind is still carrying some old junk!!
Is up to me if I want to really delete or keep them still in my life…
Restore option in the bin- makes me think – Is this to repair the terrible bad past stuffs and give a thought on it?
Is it kept so – that I can make use of these in my life somewhere in the coming days….
I realize it’s up to me if I want to delete or restore a stuff that’s already there in my bin…

I forget that my mind is a recycle bin – not at times – may be always…
May be I never understand the meaning of this word ‘Recycle’ in my life…

cluttering mind and muddled words..

What do I write for…??
I write to be in touch to the body and the soul…
Yes , I write whatever is melting inside me…
And in case If seen…is only the smoke…
And the melted doesn’t tastes good…..
Yeah!! I have to struggle more..!!

What do I write for…??
I write to be in touch to the heart and the mind…
Yes, I write whatever is burning inside me…
And in case If seen…..is only the smoke..
And the blaze fire doesn’t show up…
Yeah!! I have to struggle more..!!

[[Thinking of fire, it’s such an unbeatable element in this world…
The fire in which the clay goes hard and the one in wax melts..
Embrace the pain and use this fire to burn it as fuel for the journey…
Or get haunted with the flames and be buried in its fuming rage]]

Give me a break…!!!

“ I think you can solve it for me, consider my proposal….now..” - I said with a serious face and a supposedly seducing smile..
“What… hey I was just trying to say..that…..”
I cut him off…..“In case if you really worried of me, please marry me…I am ok with you in settling my life...”
“ Not bad proposal ,but see, you,,know… hm, well.....I am already married..”
“ That’s ok for me, I can feel your love and concern for me….in getting settled ….– plzzzzzzzz get your wife divorced and accept me”
“ha..ha… ha….”
I felt hitting hard on his face and walking off...that moment… when he showed off his lol..…
I stared at him with the look..…so the question never comes out of his mouth...
Thts it....

Give me a break now..... Why bothered about me so much...
All come in my way – just coz I am still single…??
: hey, you aren’t married…still…
: you have to think of this one seriously…
: hope not hooked with anyone already..
: any issues at home with your boyfriend….
: don’t you feel it’s already late…..
: I bet you have a boyfriend…
: all of us are settled, its next your turn….

I wish if I could run away from these usual dramatic questions of life...
Statements coming out of real concern, and some just for the sake of it...….
ah…..
A good job , perks at the end of the month…having enough to spent on myself…
A home to stay on… Lovingly njoing the life….near and dear ones around…..
My life is not boring or stagnant.. its changing each moment .....What more is required to settle in life..
Or is “Settle in life” = “Married in life”
I think then, I have a different definition to the word SETTLE..
My life was or is not just a fairy tale… … so why prick the thorns into someone – whom I don’t even know..
Even if I need to pierce those to that guy – let it be a little late...
Hm...….

Instead of giving hell lots of explanation…I would want to scream....
“ If all you want me is to settle in life, I guess I am already settled with enough…”

I dedicate this one to those– who still stay single –and would want it...for the drama they need to face each day...

Absence is Absence

Times have changed so much - after you left my life...
Its never never never the same......
How hard I try to convince...
nothing happens...life still stay the same....
do things to make me better…. or say things to persuade
nothing happens...state is still the same
"You are always close 2 me , the feeling still holds... "
whatever be the words - plight stay still the same ..

Lovely it was - when you were around.... and each time I meet you now..
...the time stay lovely as before...and brings me in so much of joy…
ABSENCE IS ABSENCE - it has no other meaning..
And I can’t try to change its sense or scene....

In this heart....it knows...yeah the world is changing….time is moving…..and yes, life is moving.... Still it ticks anticlockwise ssearching for the time that it cherish..

Deep inside – a loneliness is growing its roots and crushing my heartbeats..
A loneliness that never gets filled.... the space left by you my dear....

To write the perfect me….

I am listening to ‘Its only words, and words are all I have...” , from Boyzone…
Yeah, in my teenage – it used to be the most wanted ones in my list...
Of course still is...

Today when I fool around with words to make them look beautiful once written, I wonder...
I wonder...which ones would be the perfect that I can use...to express me...

“In order to write the perfect one I want to...
I understand it’s not easy job...
I should be saturated in words...
I should be drenched in them...
Supposed to be truly immersed...
And me never be dried again...
For then at the moment I need them...
They would and should be dripping from me...
Only those right ones should pour from me...
And then I can say its’ this...
I just wrote the perfect 'sh' ...”

So much dry I feel now...when I try to hum with the boyZ....” Its only words, and words are all I have.......”
I wish to get wet soaked in words.....dive in them...undergo a mammoth wash getting diffused into them and not get dried up...
Yeah, and then only can I ......at least ONCE form a perfect line...to express me..

Appples, cherries or grapes or........??

There's much more in life than being happy for yourself. There's much more one need to think of others at certain point of time in your life...
If your happiness is ultimately that matters to you, then you need to think once more what is lacking in you...for if U r in a state where u think of only Ur happiness, then be sure you are not in the right track of life....
You have come along all this way to this part of your life with smiles on your face , some smiles that you got from Ur near and dear ones....some smiles that you got from people U dont even know..some smiles that was sacrificed for you by others...
Its better to realise all the time, I mean spend some time in Ur life, some minutes in a day, or some hours in a week to think on where is the smile on your face coming from....spend some time to think on have I tried to give back all those smiles to all those from whom I got it ???
In case you have not done it till now, or not doing it still in your life, or doesn't even hold a thought like that, then I feel you are on the wrong track of your life...

When relations really holds much value in this fast careless world, hardly anyone realise the value of things given...the effort and pain took by someone in giving their time and care....the effort and pain took by someone in showing their love and dearness..... There are still some faces near me who dont even realise how to smile back?
If I give 2 apples to you, I expect at least 2 in return - be it 2 apples, 2 mangoes or even 2 oranges...In case if you have forgotten to give back that number or more to anyone who has given those 2 apples just think now..atleast think over if you gave back atleast 2 little sweet red cherries or 2 little grapes making sure if it was sweet ?? or sour??

These words by me is triggered from an external force.... something that I felt deep within for someone close to me who got 2 sour grapes today....
May be a tear fell from my heart today for that.....

I was wondering since that moment 'AM I GIVING APPLES, CHERRIES OR SOUR GRAPES TO ANYONE?'

I want to live long:-)

Quit smoking, if not smoke in Ur own room, filling Ur room & Ur lungs with toxic tar smoke & stay in there. Please don't pollute the air that I breathe. I want to live long:-)

Somethings there..

Something is there in mind to say to..
Something i want to write it down...
Something i want to scream so my voice gets heard..
But somehow running short of words... or is it that I am not able to speak out for feeling there's no one to hear me.....
Sometimes it gets so harder when you don't have anyone beside you to hear what you want to express..
All is needed a listener for the voice, an observer of the emotions..
Yeah!!!
Response is necessary for any human being.....
A writer expects comments on a book he recently wrote...be good or bad..
Yeah! Everyone needs a response in whatever they do...
But sometimes it is not true..to...an extent....
Sometimes the act of writing or playing around with words is just an expression of inner self......
Expression of inner self......for reasons of their own...in seek of self happiness? In seek of relief? In seek of ....whatever.....!!!!!!!
While penning down this, now i start having a thought, am i writing it down for myself, or for some others to show up or for a little understanding.....
What all is needed for a little life.....to move on...?
Yes , Yes I remember my college days where i used to write lots...so much of scribbles on papers...all for myself.....Writing used to make me happy, may be the word happy is not the correct one..in those times.. i used to write things for myself , as a sign of making me feel free from all those worries...putting down thoughts ; in the shape i wanted to ...Yeah, there are times when i ran short of words, and still do... sometimes helplessly searching for the right word to express it in the same intensity i wanted to..
Yes, there always occurs shortage of words for everyone once in their lifetime..., like I am experiencing now....
Even after writing it down, I get a feeling that this is not what i wanna say... But something more...i wanted to say this more beautifully....
I always thought and felt to an extent writing has helped in times of being lonely.....yes, mainly helped in times of lonely...when i say lonely i dont mean the's no one beside me, or ran short of words, but i ran short of listeners as i needed.....

Now when i sit alone in my room at this 10pm of Sunday night....i tend to recall my life...recall special moments, worst embarrassments, hard times, and all those been through..
Yes, something creeps in, and i felt i have to write in, but plight is worst...I can’t even pen down what i am feeling like at this moment or what i exactly want to write at this moment..
Is it that there is no shortage of words, but something bad is blocking on my throat for the words to come out..???
Hard is a state where you have no one beside to hear what u wanna express, but hardest is when you yourself doesn’t know what is that you want to express...

Going worse, hardly i wrote anything what i wanted to.....

Perfection is Impossible…??

If you feel perfection is impossible, then I guess you never have been in true love..
Once u feel true love… that’s it...
All seems so perfect inside you…outside you…above you… around you..within you…
Some are not so lucky to feel true love in their lifetime...
And some… phew…!!!! They never know they have fallen in love…
And yes the few number of those…
Who touches it like heaven..Yes, it’s then when you attain the unattainable….
Its then when you feel perfect… :-) perfect than any other….

Most words in this world… says;
“Pleasure of love last one moment while pain lasts a lifetime…,Oh why it has to be so…”
And I have heard people saying it…too.. In books I read.. in movies, in lyrics of songs I hear….
Yeah sometimes from my near ones too….!!!
Oh, I wonder what those people think who agrees to this phenomenon…
I find somewhat hard to agree to it….this stuff..(though explaining it is tougher)
Somehow I feel the pleasure lasts a lifetime and once u find love..
And that feeling keeps growing in you...
And when love grows in you.. how come u feel the pain...
I can at least pen it down and say – yeah pain is when you try to kick out the love grown in you...
Or pain is when you feel you still haven’t attained enough...
Happiness is what you feel inside…for once love finds you...
And its up to one’s self how to nurture it and make it yours...

What more is that you need when you have touched true love once in lifetime...
For if once you could try to see love as much more than wantings or havings....