Nameless Bonds..

There are some bonds that starts and it’s just there…
They sail through beyond the distance…
They never grow out with less dialogs…
They never fade with silence..
They don’t come with doubts…
They don’t come with expiry dates…
They exist beyond time..
Where we live in such a cynical world…such bonds are a blessing..
 
When you know they are there , no matter what..
When you know they are there, just a thought away…
Even when life is getting busier even for a call…
Even when life changes priorities every moment..
And when people say, they don't work that way…
I can shout out to them and say, you are wrong…
Some bonds, they don’t turn weak with changing life..
Some hearts were meant to be all the time strong…

To call us best, special, timeless, forever,

wonderful, lifetime....it doesn't matter...            

Some nameless bonds are needed in life...

On your day,...
I wish for you all that I wish for myself…
Today, Every day and Beyond…
 

Ksheama, Happiest Birthday my dear..:-)

Naughty Forty

When I stepped into 30, i wrote about it... 

Me on my 30

This time the feeling is different... I am happy on stepping into 40..I am ready to be the 40 gang girl...

It's not a big sad feeling and not the drama queen who wants to shy away of forty today. ... 

Today i am just a new person...in the old way...

.. i am so happy to be born ...

Born for great parents who loved me and made me who i am, and a big family..who blessed and supported me...

Born to pass my teenage with dramatic ways having no clue what life is all about..

Born to experience my 20s all the emotions one would want to before getting into womanhood...

Born to experience my 30s all the love of having a partner in life and the blessing of having a wonderful daughter...

My heart is still not come to 40s..

Yes the body says different though that you can't do the same thing as you did in 30s...

Yes the mind is there to remind me a hundred times, not all of it works same for me as I did in my 20s...

It's not an easy path ahead...

It's a choice every day, all of what I learn over years, it's that time to use into my next phase  or may be unlearn some and do a fresh start..

Naughty Forty is not just for all...but i would love to make it so...enjoy what I love to do. ..

No oath, no promises, no nothing as usual ...nothing i feel to bring in a change in me..

Just go on saying, doing, thinking, writing with things that makes me feel better, live one more  decade before I mark half century...

If I can make you happy, so am I. 

Happy 40 to me ,April 15 2022

41 years of 'BEING TOGETHER'

On this occasion of your anniversary... 

I recollect this amazing ride you guys have shown us on what is BEING TOGETHER should be.. 

 One side, I like to thank my Mom for bringing up two souls like me and my brother in this world with her man... 

I love my mom in their journey... for keeping him healthy, safe, keeping his spirits high, cooking and meeting his taste buds, traveling with him in all moods of my dad.. and sacrificing many things along the way.. 

When they make it count one more year together, the other side, I believe it's an achievement of my dad's determination to live, live life the best way a man can can possibly live...

I love my dad for giving his better half the choice to be her true self, give the respect and the independence in every full and best way a lady deserves.. 

The agreeing in disagreement to be together, not to lose hope or not to stay apart, never to be separated  no matter what comes in your way....both being different and able to ride on the same horse... Your life is what inspires us and what you have shown us in your lifetime is what we aspire for....

In one way I remember my grandparents too on this day for the values they passed on to you which reflects what being a family is... 

 Blessings is what I seek and prayers are what I can just return to them for their long life together. 

 

Like how you don't get to choose your name, you don't get to choose who your parents are... 

But any day I can be sure, in many many many after lives to come...

I would pray to be reborn as your daughter and will try to make my life worthy of the virtues you instilled in me... 

Happy 41st Wedding Anniversary Mummy and Dada.... 

Love you more each day!!  

To You My Dear On Your Birthday....

To have a sister love is always a lucky thing in life...
sisters are always our first friend in life...
sisters are more than your guide, more than secret keepers...
sometimes the biggest enemy too...and sometimes too sugary..
sometimes they are bossy....and sometimes very silly...
sometimes they tease each other to death…and always a shield too..
amidst all the drama... sisters do love each other…miss each other...
...and they care for each other...in all the phase of life..

The younger days have faded so fast…I have seen the you in you...
I know where you have been...and knows where you want to go..
I can fight with you for your dreams...share the broken heart...
I sometimes get you punished and yes I do become a real pain..
I do mess your life....so to get you out of the dried well..
I push your harder to chase the unseen you to touch the skies..
I am glad I can be your friend, and can call when things aren't right...
I am glad you love me the same and looks upon me for things..

Things are a million if I want to share how I feel every day of you…
But on this day..... my younger sister...let me say this...

“Friends will be there for all the party in life..
Lovers may crash land and then part with you...
But sisters floats on top of all things that would sink any friendship...
Sisters emerge in a thousand styles to support your back…”
And when I hug and kiss you...I know you are loved....
And you are my family...and that means much more..
So when the cloud is thick and done with the heavy rain...
And the sky is clear...just close your eyes to be sure that..
Whatever you do, whatever shape you are..
I would still be here for you...
Love you Bodhu...

I am not a Hindu Terrorist !!

Following the news of Akhlaq being murdered .....its disturbing...
I have nothing to write on the incident –media is already manipulated the incident to several angles.
It’s a loss to his family and a compensation of 10 Lakhs or more is not going to make them forget the trauma they went through...
May be in the areas nearby – no-one would eat beef for a long time now...in fear.

Many have already written articles on this beef topic... many scared to give opinions on the same...
Many given, taken back opinions... or modified to suit their political parties...
Even I have commented on FB...and fought with...God knows with whom all... over the beef thing...and being a Hindu.
Many have the opinion that beef and cow slaughter was brought to India by the invasion of Mughals.. (which is not true......and a long debate still exists on this)
Many want to go back to that era – the time when Mughals were not there.. !!
I am sick reading those comments in social media – where we are discussing about making India to Bharat.. :-(
Yeah....let’s keep running to the past and we will never see the future.
India is the largest exporter of beef meat and still do...sad thing is people inside this country can’t eat – but letting others outside eat it.
Industrialists rule the nation...they benefit with the ban..!!
I am said to be living in a free democratic nation – but truth is my nation is travelling wrong route...with all ‘ban’ things now...

You - the so called – devotee...the Real Hindu’s in this country - are you truly the followers of this religion?
Were you instructed from the heavens above...to stop others from eating beef ? make their living hell by stopping their daily living source?
Or maybe you were asked from the God ‘s residing in temples – to go and kill all those men who eats beef...?
If you worship the cow – please feel free to do so....no-one in this country ever stopped you from that.
When you don’t have a problem in milking the cow to death....then why do you have a problem in slaughtering.
Is it that you prefer milk & kill - than the quick one ?
The agenda is ‘Respect’ the sentiments of cow worshipers...but why are we trying to hold religious sentiments above all ?
When religion is above hunger, when it is above humanity....then there is no meaning being called Hindu, Muslim or Christian or Jain ....or...whatever.
I have many many many things running in my mind related to this....maybe I am forced to think all these by the so called “Hindu Terrorists”...
And if you are trying to make a ‘Hindu India’ .... let me put this out...
A beef ban is not going to make India a Holy Nation......Many minds are dirtier than beefier...!!!

People around me....many of them......
“you eat beef ??? Oh... I don’t eat beef.. Chicken, fish and mutton is ok... But beef .. no no.,I can’t eat that...”
Sometimes I wonder – are they all tied by religion ? But it doesn’t hurt me when they say such things. It’s your choice, this is mine.
All I can think silently is – “I eat because my tongue and my tummy doesn’t say a NO to it. I relish it – I digest it.”
Going to my beef story....
I tasted beef in my teenage at a marriage occasion...though it was by accident... ...
later in my hostel days I relished many of it ... friend’s mom home made beef cutlets.. beef ularthiyathu..etc...
It became part of my diet – when my pocket money during college days couldn’t afford a chicken/mutton fry - for saving money !!!
Most of my friends would remember.. the restaurant Opal Inn in Vadakara - had a tasty beef dish and it came for a cheaper price too...
I learned then to save money by changing my food.. for sure it helped me those days..
Should I have been worried – that I am hurting the Gods by filling my stomach and saving a penny?
Did I become less of a Hindu – by eating beef..? I guess No...
Truth is it doesn’t matter to me– If I became a little less Hindu with this..
My religion is always inside me...my religion is being a better human...being a better soul..

To my ‘beefie’ and ‘non-beefie’ friends out there.. who are now thinking why the hell did I write this post....
I just want to say this...
I eat beef..I love it...and I am not a Hindu Terrorist..!!

winding up .......lunch time...
and I am going to gulp a rice meal with beef fry... :-)

I can say, I do not know...

While at work......

2009 marked the beginning of an era where-in I had to attend this call at least biweekly..
The Quality Call or the QC.....that occurs every day and I had to dial in to it if any of my supported products had an issue.
Everyone on the call used to be bombarded with appropriate and relevant technical questions that always started with ...
when did this..?
how did it.. ?
how long it ..?
why it had to..?
what caused.. ?
what was done..?
what time this was... ?
when can you...?
what impact.. ?
who owns this.. ?
and many more...

Even with 5 years’ experience tag on my shoulders – I was kind of nervous to attend this call...
This was a tough time where 6pm evenings used to be scary time...
I attended many of it – but still a small nervousness always used to creep in....
During these calls....many times I responded not knowing what I had to say exactly and at times relied on others on the call to answer it for me..
This pattern continued...for we were having a busy support time on most of our products... most often had late night SWAT calls, later action review meetings, root cause identification... bug fixes... all that sums up the activities of end to end support..

But yes, there had to be a trigger to end this scary crow episode...
Until then... one fine evening....in one of the teleconference meeting with my Big-Boss Steve ..... (his office is in US.. so we used to have one call with him monthly)
He popped out this question from nowhere....I guess...
“Shruthi - I had to ask you this .... how ok are you attending Quality calls ? Are you ok being there? Is it pretty late for you to attend ? any trouble you have or do you go to it with fear? If you are not ok – just let know”

I was surprised as that was out of context.... but yeah... I was glad he asked that...while somewhere back of my mind I had it running – how did you find out that I am afraid to attend the call?
My reply to him was an indirect or may not be the right one... I was not ready to admit that I was starting to dislike the calls... coz of my unsaid fear...
“hmm...it’s ok... Steve, I don’t have any problems to attend...hmmm.... It’s that......hmm..... sometimes I don’t have answers to tell them when they ask.. ..and huh..sometimes it’s too early to investigate and put across the right answers before the call.... so I kind of find it difficult at times ...”

The long pause between words was enough for him or for the matter anyone to understand I was running in a mode called QC fear ..... the fear of putting across the wrong things to senior technical people on the call... the distress of answering to those questions which I can’t even make out what it meant...an unsaid shame of going wrong in a call when a hundred ears are listening to only you..

Steve’s response was not exactly the same as below.. but it came to me like a bulls eye shot....
“That is ok , it always happens, you don’t need to have all answers with you... Whoever may be asking, whatever it is – just tell them straight – ‘I don’t know... I do not have an answer to this one’. You can always tell them to follow up with you later.. You don’t have to be scared of anyone– they ask questions because that is their job to do so...and you are doing a wonderful job.... I can ask your manager to attend it. You don’t need to stay back evenings all the time for the QC.”

“Ok. Steve. Ok... Thank you..” My response to him was short... I was not quite sure what more I wanted to say..
....and the meeting continued with other topics...

By the time I came back from the meeting room to my desk – that alien feeling with the QC had gone off...
I was not feeling any fear...it was like I was all ready for a thousand calls..
I repeated his words in my mind.....
With the blue marker I wrote it on my desk...“I can say, I do not know”
================================================================
Many people around you ....inspire.. encourage....motivates and drives you...your family ,besties ...your hero figures....
.... but very few can reach to the unknown darker or deeper side of you... they just fly in and move those big rocks that was stopping you from doing things....


By a word... or a deed or a small gesture they help us in ways we never thought of...
And true that things like this may be happening to me daily... or may be with every one of us...
We normally don’t notice these things that others does for us ...
Many unsaid ‘Thank you’ s always remain in our life....

P.S. :
Dedicating this post to Steve....
A small sign to show how much of positives he has brought to my life... Thank you!!

Bibles and Beef and Quakes..?

We have been seeing many natural calamities in the recent times…
This time the Everest started it all….. the result of it was heartbreaking…

I have been worried of the Nepal quakes – as my cousin brother was on a trip to Nepal with his friends.
We later got to know he is safe. It’s a relief for me and our family to have him back safe home now.
It’s like Our prayers are heard.

Some disasters that happen is really affected and have emotions flowing in and out of us – only when we have someone involved in it.
We pray for the victims, but the pain is never the same as we never gets directly in touch with those…
Until and unless we experience the pain of losing someone that we know of –in such an incident we may not get the real picture of it.
May be an anger against nature for having done this to many families…reaped in me. But then it soon subsided knowing how our planet is….
It’s a sign to all of mankind. You are here to live and die. Do now what it takes to make you and others happy …

I am just reading the news in numbers and figures – and how much ever I read or see photographs or videos..
To be totally frank with my heart … those dead and injured count are just numbers to me..
And in between I read many interesting news as well….

VHP leader linking Nepal quake to Beef eating - I should say bull shit ?
http://thenortheasttoday.com/vhp-leader-links-nepal-earthquake-to-beef-eating/

A plane full of Bibles for relief… sounds like edible bibles?
http://thelapine.ca/emergency-gideon-bibles-rushed-to-nepal/

Should I read more on what’s happening to this world or what happened to this world ?
It’s sad to hear such incidents…. But makes it worse when we read such classic stupid things…happening over.


May things clear up soon in Nepal…may all the saved ones – build their lives sooner….and get back to normalcy.

Wanted to scribble on Nepal. But my thoughts are wandering.
Stopping this here.

When Religion is greater than God :-(

Taliban is a word familiar to all of us... I scribbled first time on terror when Malala took the bullet from this group...
That’s the time in 2012 when they became to me a "Group of cowards"

The survival of Malala has brought in hope.. it was a statement to the TTP ‘s – that it’s not so easy to bring the hope down.
** TTP – is (Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan) the Taliban unit in Pakistan (Taliban originally a group in Afghan) **

For Pakistan - Taliban is a word they are used to ....the acts of violence carried out is no surprise to the citizens...
Recent Karachi airport seize that grabbed news and attention... such incidents happens to remind us of their existence..
But yesterday when I followed the news, the scene was different - the intention was not to take hostages... it was KILL !!
It was heart breaking to see the numbers rise...from 60 to 80..to 100’s..
It would have been one of the deadliest scene ...no one would ever want to see bodies of kids lying around in class rooms...
Empathies to all those parents and siblings... their state of trauma where one is trying to figure out if their kid is shot dead , injured or still alive......running through hospital corridors, searching face of their kid among dead bodies...you or me would not want to be in that state...
When the neighboring nation mourns today in this...the other side there is a celebration of victory being done..
This is one among history that will be added to the pages...and tagged along with Taliban.

In this senseless assault...many dreams were killed yesterday...dreams of parents , dreams of sisters and brothers, dreams of a nation...
Many among us do feel sad, many burn with fury, some are afraid... and some of us wants to do something about it..
News reported that across India - many schools, we are offering silence in peace related to Peshawar attack...
I followed online news and social sites today too......comments, images and posts in news sites and fb.
”what kind of a world we live in... ?” “Why they target children?” “Act of cowards”.. "Peace be with those kids and family”
It was of no doubt to me that many of us think alike... That this incident is one such shame...
That we all together need to wipe out the Taliban... or for that matter - any group that acts against humanity...

But the truth is somewhat different ..... it is so far from what I am thinking...
There is an entire different set of people that lives here...many with a different mindset...
I read again today many comments...
“Pakistan, give up Islam”
“anyway they all have to die –so what if Taliban kills them...”
”I am glad I was not born a Muslim”
"you reap what you sow".
“some more should have been dead as well”
“pakistani pigs deserve this great treatment.”

With the last one – I stopped reading the posts... who are these pigs here ? small kids who got massacred with no mercy..?
When hundreds of kids are being buried...today... people like these are at war online with such unbelievable ideologies and ridiculous thoughts....
May be the hate against Pakistan (or the religion Islam) – has grown in India(and many other countries) so much that these people has lost the ability to think beyond the nation rivalry.
I was saddened that... at times like these where kids are the victims – we had to learn from this , instead some are busy weaving nests of hatred through religion..
Where are we heading to... with such thoughts in our minds ? what are we trying to achieve..? Are we trying to prove that my religion is best among all?
Are we living here to die for religion ? or we are here learning to live through religion ?
It’s like ‘Religion is becoming greater than God’ .. Will this perspective or views of many people change one day?

This scribble came in from me....as I followed through social media..the endless hatred comments... and it is making me ponder..
"Taliban is just not a group of people with guns... guess...another Taliban exists in minds of my fellow countrymen too.."

Moments with you are forever!!

The last weekend – was filled with her thoughts only...
It’s a sad and shocking news to me...thoughts of that this should not have happened to her...
Everyone who knew her for sure will be having their heart broken...

I met her only once.. at the Grand Velas, Mexico – where we celebrated our GXS President’s club award...
Our friendship journey began since only then...
We shared about our relations.... talked like we knew each other for years.. about Bill...
... her daughter Katherine...how much she was preparing for the big day of her little girl..
We talked about our days in GXS , the difference of 0 from 3 to 30... sharing our laughter..
We both loved that trip so much, we used to talk over it again and again..
When our relation grew over Facebook – it was a magical love I was being showered to....
In every word of hers were a smile inside......it’s like happiness is in her all the time..
I remember the long chat we had last time – where we planned her next visit to India ...
and the promise I made to take her...those places she wanted to...
Now all those conversations are just sweet memories...for me...

I was checking those FB walls posts, photos, messages and thinking again and again about her...
I can never write the best words of tribute to Lisa, she was much more than that..
She was such a beautiful lady , an amazing human being...
Now that she is no longer with any of us.. my prayers go out to Lisa that her soul rest in peace..
Prayers to Bill and Katherine...that they get through these hard times of their life...
May God give strength for all of us to deal with this loss...

A sum of the moments I shared with her... in this snap...
Can never forget her....can never forget her love...
can never forget those wonderful moments we had together...
.... she is always alive in me....with the love she spread just by her smiles..
I am missing her , would miss her, keeping those wonderful memories always...

Moments with you...my dear...Lisa N Farwell are forever...!!
I am sure for most of us who knew her – it’s like that – forever..!!




In Memory of...
Mrs. Lisa Northcutt Farwell
April 4, 1962 - August 21, 2014

More than words

There would be no need of a picture if I could say it in words...
There would be no portrait of landscape if I could describe its beauty...
There would be no reason to paint if I could express in words...
There would be no reason to sculpt if I could read the letters...

When language and words are not enough - I get help from the pictures..
It’s so true that pictures speaks more than a thousand words...
I have used it several times – to speak out what I really want...

Last weekend when I met my friends.. I got gifted with a sign of love...
It was a handmade quill art – a sign of my football passion...
I busted into tears when she handed over me a gift...

When I cried , may be it came as a surprise to many...many never saw me cry..I guess...
It didn’t matter to me – that I was crying in front of all others...or if someone was looking at me..
It didn’t matter to me what she had done with her art ... it was the feel of being special..
I have never expressed to her - how much her friendship meant to me ..
Those special days in school and being a family she was more than a friend...
I would have never known what she still feel for me – if she had said it in words...
This frame of love – spoke to me that moment – I had missed her for years...



When all the years passed away – in not being with you...
When all time went on – in not being in touch with you...
I regretted all those moments of my life...when u needed me
My tears just took the way out to express that I missed you...

You just didn’t gift me a piece of frame of my passion..
But yes – it’s a gift of your time, your efforts, your skill, your sleepless nights...
A gift of your love.. I love you my dear...I love our relation...
I wish I had the best picture or frame to express it the way you did..!!

I clicked on ‘Like’..

I am a fan of football...but yes I like tennis as much as I love cricket or badminton or hockey or may be kabadi....
Though she was one of my favorite athlete...I never felt the urge to have a like on Maria ‘s page until today..
When I saw the news feed in Facebook... “Naizam Olakara likes Maria Sharapova.” 12 hrs ago...
My hands just moved and clicked ‘Like Maria’ in a fraction of second...
I felt like relieved... as if I have undone something wrong on behalf of my country....
It was like a statement to make
“Maria - I DON’T CARE IF YOU KNOW SACHIN OR AMITABH - for me YOU ARE A STAR – and this ‘Like’ is for that... “

Now it’s being more than 24 hours... since I followed this scene...
... listening to all the drama and comments on the FB, whatsapp and news channel...
And I am still not able to digest what disrespect are we dealing here ? why this drama of devotion...?
Is it just another viral at this moment – until we get a new one..
I don’t know if I am feeling a bit ashamed of myself now – to be part of this country....
May be shame is not the right word....I don’t know how to put it across...

I admire Sachin so much, grown up seeing his magic , and I do like the title of ‘God of cricket’.
But I wouldn’t care if someone at other end of the world never heard of Sachin...
If you were a true great fan of Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar – this would not have come from you...from any one of you...
I now ponder – how many true fans does Sachin have - ?
All those who reacted without a morality – do they really love their God?
Feels so very sad and pathetic and helpless at this state....yuck!!!

But yes- I think this is not the problem of People of India or Kerala .....
I sadly realize the truth.. and hence do not feel to blame the mindset of all these people .
This is how India is... isn’t it?
A country where we have more than one living Gods....
It’s a country of many religions, many Gods, many Heroes, much much much ..or many many more worshiping idols...
And it’s true – we all have closed hearts.. ..and yes we don’t have enough faith in our own God...
So if someone throws a stone at our God – all we know is – pick a bigger stone than that and throw back at him/her..
Yes in an instant – we become the guardians of our own God...
We don’t believe in faith, nor love, nor patience, nor conscience - when the question is about hurting one’s religion...
whatever that religion may be...it does not matter... we become the brutes..
And as my friend Rai – commented - there are Frogs in the well ....
Yes... that’s right.. A big well... many frogs in the well..... as if this this country has made a promise to itself
to…let’s join in creating more frogs or push some more of us into this big round happy well.
May be this is how we are.....it’s a sign that we have to grow up ... and yes a long way to go...

The hate my country has exhibited in this topic is so mammoth....
It may take years to forget this one...or may be never forgotten at all...
I am sure – when one day Sachin meets Maria – and they have a table to share...
Sachin may be happy to apologize on our behalf...that’s the kind of man he is...
And yes now all of us... can be proud.. that’s the reward we give him...
....may be realize a little late what we did to this so called ‘God’.

P.S : Writing this post – itself was embarrassing to me...thinking of what religion has done to us.

The We Tomorrow..!!!

The D day is arriving and is just hours away....
When all the questions will be answered tomorrow... ....
The day will be busy with FB feeds, posts likes, comments,
The media and news channel ticking every moment to give the lead scores.....
When more messages ,slogans and comic pictures fly in whats app...
A day to know where our nation stands...
A day to know where our nation is moving to....
A day where finally all the debate comes to an end....
A day where really some hearts rejoice and some broken....

Yes, it’s a big day for all of us...
For those who voted...the anticipation of candidate winning... to many more to a party...
For some who did not vote or couldn’t vote... yet looking forward to tomorrow’s final verdict...
For some NRI’s whose heart beats in this country still....
And to many who looks forward to this country ..across the globe...
And yes it’s a big day for those too...who do not even know what is happening..

My opinion of who should win and why they should win ... is all washed out...
There is nothing left to post, comment, say or fight or debate or scream ...
The decision is already made – now the revealing has to happen......
Whoever presides the nation ... it’s my decision, it’s our decision...
And all we are left with is... the hope ...that is just alive in all of us...
That the government realizes what this nation need, what people of this country dream to..

As a citizen of INDIA, I am so proud to be here, be born here and I will always be proud....
With all the bloodshed, sacrifices made... We are a free country...
Being a democratic – We the people survived all these years..
We have enough strength and power to survive better than this...
Let us not be brainwashed with the promises anyone made...
Let us not rewind any of the deceitful campaigning they did...
Let us look forward – what happens in the coming days in INDIA...
Let us feel the things they do, they don’t do, they make us do...
Let us realize the love and duty of being an Indian.......
Keep your eyes and ears wide open....and be the judge of ‘Your vote’


Hope the day gets over peacefully..... be safe.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/gordonkelly/2014/04/15/microsoft-abandons-windows-8-1-take-immediate-action-or-be-cut-off-like-windows-xp/?partner=yahootix

Thinking of My Best friend on My Bday...

There is always a best friend for everyone.. in some way or other .... And yes, even I have...
.. I had one best friend… then it became 2….slowly to 3….at last when it became more than 5…I tried to put them in buckets....
A bucket of Good friends, another of Close friends, then Bestest friends, some Soul friends, counted Lifetime friends…

The definition of a best friend to me is changed over the years…
My Best friend for me is now like all the ones I will never forget in my life… coz some friends are best at what they are….best at what they do to me… best at what they make me feel….
I have been so lucky to have some numbered friends in my lifetime... Without all these crazy ones… I can never be the real me..


1st – the one who loves me whatever shape I turn to, whatever mood I am on...whatever mistakes I do..
2nd – the one who I haven't seen for years... but the heart reaches out to them when glad and sad..
3rd – the one who I worry about if I don’t get a weekly call , then we chat for minutes without running out of topic..
4th – the one who I would be hurt if I didn’t knew the big and small things happening with them...
5th – the one who is there on gmail, fb, whatsapp, skype, msg, calls..name the app - whenever I need ..anytime...
6th – the one who calls whenever in town and try to squeeze in the talks - out of town topics and relive the past..
7th – the one who I see almost all day, shares bunches of this and that.. bears my drama and never fed up of the real me..
8th – the one for whom I hop on bike , ride to their home, meet them - for those are real busy bees in life...
9th – the one who is just there to say a hi -hru - and wear a smile , doesn’t matter we knew the current affairs..
10th – the one who lives on my FB likes and comments - and makes me feel - we are still on baby..
11th – the one who I lean on for pouring out my weirdest and confused emotions – and exactly knows what to say to me..
12th – the one who I dial /message immediately whenever something big is happening to in my life…
13th – the one who wishes on my bday every year. ..I dial on his and he on mine.. enough to let know we are special friends...
14th – the one whose voice I always recognize even at any wakeup call of my tightest sleep…
15th – the one whose blogs I read - doesn’t matter if seen each other for years or never will be able to meet in life..
16th – the one who is a colleague, being with me in the 4 walls , bearing all my daily tantrums at work…
17th – the one who is across the sea and let know of all the special things once a while in a call…
18th – the one who you know they are the same even if you don’t call them once a week, a month or in a year..
19th – the one who in my school/ college , who knew the teenage me , knows the new me in 2014 & still love the way I am…
20th – the one who misses my bday all years– and later dials in to tell that with a sorry face to let know how special I still am…
21st – the one who is so afraid of losing me with time – amidst of all other friend waves that surround me…
22nd – the one who brings a tear in my eyes when they cry, that’s when I know I don’t like them being sad..
23rd – the one who always prays for me every night & wishes all times best to happen with me..
24th – the one who always runs to me when in need and I know exactly what to say to make them feel good..
25th – the one who is always there for a glass of cheers and never says NO for a drink with me..
26th – the one who showed me how to be in love, how to be loved and drifted away holding a broken heart..
27th – the one who is much more than a friend and holds a special feeling in my heart …
28th – the one who knows to read my mind when my lips are sealed and is sure something is not right with me..
29th – the one who breaks my trust every time and I just can't let them go for I love them in some ways..
30th – the one who is always proud of the person I have become in life and aspires my wishes as their dreams..
31st – the one in my family – my father, mother, brother, sister, cousins , my aunt ,uncle, my grandma , niece or nephew.. the one at my home that knows the naked me..
32nd – this B'day.. I hope to find a new bucket…and the Love is set ON...Ready to give, give, give..... and live on... :-)

Dedicated to all my friends who touched my life....
You should know that.. you for sure, totally and definitely made a difference in my life by just being there …

Colours of my shadow....

I nei never gn the titole -
I never used to realize the change in colour...that i hold on to...
But this time it is so visible to me...
This time chthis time
Even the chnages in season have an explanation behind it...

Belated new year eve

It came for me belated..i should say it came belated for us...

Blown away by destiny , I was not in India...for new year this time..
To find a next possible date to meet was the tough thing... but finally the day came.


It was a long awaited evening as we haven't seen each other still...
the evening which I had woven thoughts about it since months....the dress to wear, places to go , fine dining....and much more...

5 minutes past 5pm - I got down my apartment and there he was..
There it was... the red A red Nissan Micra..and he was standing leaning at the car front door...
with a sweet smile on my face i said "Hi"..
"Let's go...?"


He opened the door for me.. A reflex 'Thanks' came to my lips and with a silent smile inside I hopped onto the seat.
He walked past the front side of the car...I was looking at the shirt he was wearing...I kind of liked it.... may be I always liked checked shirts!!
It's just a car... not a closed room... I wondered why being alone with him - so close made me so nervous... or may be some kind of happy excitement it was...:-)

We didn't make any plans for today as what has to be done.. I kept wondering if he has already made plans about evening - the place to go, the dine in etc... The deal was that - we would plan the evening as it unfolds.

'You are the Blore girl - tell me where to..?'
'For a drive or halt?'
'Drive is good...we can drive.. '
Its raffic on Saturday evenings this time - in city... guess from he


Though late it came in with whatever I wished it for...except that the date was not the same.

This guy is just as I had thought... No pretentions.. or no fake hugs... the one I may run away from.

The HRA masala is not cooking well..!!

It's the time of the year where salaried people like me have to declare and submit proofs of the investments, hra, income etc....
I never understood the HRA concept in the initial years of my career ... never bothered about it too... as my salary package never reached heights to understand the concept of income tax.
Later with passing years finally got to know words like 80C, IT, HRA, PF... as had no escape from all this - once I entered into the big salaried world.

The HRA problem had got big for people like us last year - when landlord PAN was mandatory for rent above 2,00,000
It just got bigger -this year when the cap got reduced to a Lakh and everyone has to run behind the landlord for the pan number.
And this time its not cooking well for me... and its not going to get digested too.. for many of us...

Is this rule for really people like us who is without fail paying taxes to the government? This was an easier act to pass on to the middle class people like us.isnt it.? Now that whoever staying in a rented house - if they cant get hold of PAN card of landlord , they definitely gonna lose money to pockets of politicians. A new way to collect more tax without fail...and name it as fraud-less HRA declaration..

I had a larger dilemma in mind thinking what is this for.. is it for my good or bad.
Good in one way , Yes it prevents any fraud in this area where one could have declared a greater rent than actual one.. But what is the motive reducing cap to 1Lakh rupees? what in the world suddenly struck to the tax authorities..?
Why make new rules when you can't keep existing ones in right shape..?
Amidst all the masala's that is going on to achieve a central database with aadhaar card, voter id, ration card, gas connection, passport and pan card... are these new ways of testing patience of people like us...
When this news came - I was following people reactions - some were of the opinion let BJP government come and they will take off these tax headache for people like me.
what is BJP for me? and what good is congress doing for me?
I see no good in congress, bjp, or aap or any kind of political group...be any government the tax slab was never an issue for the government. It never got revised to a decent figure in the recent years... When Pranab as the finance minister revised it some years back a slight change to the slab - I felt happy and hoped he could have done better. And really envisioned to see some changes in the tax being paid by salaried people like us. No rule came in never that touched the big whale pockets and continued to focus on small pockets where it was easy to drain money.

I silently realise there is not much use with salaried job of mine.... Slog and work for a 100 rupee and there goes my thousands ....government silently snatching from me.. I sometimes wonder is this real democracy - "FOR the people"?
I would have happily given away the tax - if I was reaping benefits out of it.. at least by traveling in good roads , clean pathways, great hospitals, reduced commodity prices or something that benefited me in things I touch day to day.... Or i should say something at least that my children benefited from?
Instead I am angry now - as my money is going into some Swiss bank ... or into some political campaign or into scam pockets ... who is doing no good for me.

I work for my living, pay sales tax, commodity tax, vehicle tax, consumer tax, value added tax, service tax, income tax, road tax, professional tax, education tax, electricity tax, excise tax, custom tax,entertainment tax.... endless list of tax names wherever I am in this country... Isn't the list enough for someone like me to rage in anger...and start cursing the government and politicians...
Don't want to extent this post of mine - bursting out my anguish and frustration..
I wish if i had a better tax slab system for my country.....and i hope i can work towards that in some way.. and i long that a time comes where I happily pay these taxes..!!!!

The right thing to do with me.. !!!

“I was thinking I was doing right when I was going through the same...but it took me so long to realize that I am wrong.”
A liner that is so common to hear from anyone who has gone through it..

A good relation is a bond that comes from the heart.. and once you are glued to that person by your heart –
..... you don’t think twice to act or express for that person.
Every time you spend with them.... Every word you speak with them....
Every things you hear from them.. you make it a part of your life..
Everything you do for them feels important to you... Everything they make you do, you do it with heart..
With growing love in your relation you change so much unknowingly, you change for that person.
Your level of discomfort slowly moves on to the comfort zone and gradually you get adjusted with them...

It takes months, sometimes years or a lifetime to realize what you really going through..
A tick on the clock never tells that your love is taken as advantage.. and life is out of rails...
Every word you speak in care – turns out to be a disaster for an argument..
Every action you do with them, do for them – goes with the wind.
Do a thousand things , nothing counted.. still you try to be happy that you tried, you strived..
It gets to you like you failed to do something.. like you forgot to do something right..

You face the pain in the relation with great strength – for your heart is not just tired of them..
You bear the insult that this relation gives, you turn your face away so as to ignore the facts...
You overcome this broken trust in relation with great difficulty, demanding to trust again..
The only thing that matters to hold on is that you have been in it for long time...
You remember the times when you felt this love is forever.. this friendship is forever..
This relation is a lifetime...and now you don’t find any reasons to feel the same way.....

You never understand what caused this pain.. within you...
You start thinking that things will clear out soon...
I can quit, I never can....
I can run, I never think I can....
I don’t need you , I never wanna lose you...
Your brain and heart in a never ending conflict...
Your senses and wisdoms giving different battles...

You take advices from near and dear to deal with it somehow..
You take decisions that never works out to be true to you..
You go through days where you stop believing in self..
You feel you can’t fulfill the expectations in relation..
You feel you cannot maintain any relation in your life..
You feel you can never be a good friend to anyone..
You feel you are the one who is root of these problems..
They MAKE you feel like you are not worthy enough..

You don’t need to prove who is right and wrong in this..
This relation is proving every day in your life - that you are weak..
You just need to know that you are not yourself anymore..
The day is today to realize this relation is not what you need in life..
Waiting for a rescuer to come, waiting for a time to come...it’s not going to happen..
End the wait is what you need to do – to know that You are your savior...and no one else.

If you still feel - you are STRONG...
Thinking that you have all the power to tolerate with the hurt in a relation... accepting all the unwanted dramas that this relation give..
And you try to survive and survive and survive till your heart is completely cut into pieces... You are wrong my dear... You are not strong enough!!
Your real strength is when you know that this music is out of tune and no lyrics is going to make it right...
Your real strength is when you break these chains and set you free... and you see that you are good enough for you!!!

“Any relation without love is still a relation , but without respect it never was a relation and never can be.."

when i do something that i like , it may not be ur choice
when i say you mean a lot to me, it may not be same for you
when i cry a lot inside, you may not feel the same pain
when my thoughts go mad i wish you could give me a call
when i long to hear your voice, i listen to my heart beats
when i dial ur number, i wish u would be waiting for my call
when i know i am alone, i wonder who are my close friends
when i know i am bad, i understand its you who was right
when my tears flow down i believe you can give me a smile

when u cant understand me
when u dont feel my love
when u dont have me in thoughts
when u no more want to see me

Its better you dont hear my heartbeats anymore..
in that state - i wish i was dead....

wont hear my heartbeats anymore
i would be in the safer place...nearer to god

Happy Birthday - her adios to teeenage...!!!

To my sister...
whose steps I have seen when she was 2… and now she just turned 20...!!!!
Ooohhhhh.....Awwwww!!!

My heart drips for she is leaving her teenage....a time where you’re babied so much more...
But yeah....a silent happiness comes inside me as well....
As she turns into a pretty young lady today... :-)

You my dear...
Amazingly Cute as a baby...
Chubbly Bubbly as a child...
Sniffling Queen as a kid...
Strikingly Beautiful as a girl...
Wonderful friend as a sister...
And now I know you will rock as a fine Young Lady...
You don’t give me a heartache anymore...
As I know you are ready to win all hearts... :-)


Fortunate enough to hold you in my arms....
Lucky with time we have started walking hand in hands....!!!


Love you – my dear...sis...
May all your dreams come true!!!

PS: Celebration all these years as a family....miss your bday bash!!!

12 years of an unbroken promise...!!

Every gesture you showed me was all the time filled with love...
Now I mourn to find words that can say how much I miss you!!!
It's being a week now that you left us.....trying hard...but....
But there is no way out...somewhere deep I miss you so much..

With all the love you once pounced on me – and since then there was never looking back..
Love me once, and I will love you forever…and that love is never going to die off.
Every day you taught me how true love can be kept as an unbroken promise..
There was never a day to doubt if u loved me less, you never gave a chance to do so.

The need of touch and cuddles that are part of your love.. revealed the fun side...
You were more than a guardian angel to me..for my home..all day and night...
I don’t know how many time you have forgiven me – for all the mistakes I did..
I don’t know how many times you showed patience – when I was the intolerant..
Losing you is accepting that those moments are going to be in memories..
Hoping you forgive me one last time if I didn’t love the way you deserved..

Twelve years of a gift - bounded with utmost trust and unconditional love....
Blessed to have you in my life and family..would miss you all my life..:-(

Fail again for love..

True love happens to you only once...may be it's a state where one fails..!!
Sometimes it’s too hard to win over with that state of life...!!
The state where you try hard...hard..and still try harder....and still fail!!
How hard u try to hide it in you..or you try to bury it inside….never works..!!

Love doesn’t fail...ever.....it always win over you...always..!!
It wins over you in a way that you never would have dreamt of happening..!!!
It wins over you in a way that your heart is tied up - along with ur body and soul..!!
It wins over you in a way that you start fighting with anything that blocks its way...!!!

An attempt to escape seems so impossible when it has knocked your door once...!!
All your experience, all your strategy, all your efforts never works against it!!
Try harder to get rid of it, love bangs you and finds a way to stay inside you!!!
And when love wins over you...all you would want to do is fail again and again for it!!!

From scratch...!!!

"I want to engineer and build a product from scratch, not this additional modules or pieces."

I wondered what you exactly had in mind when you said that?

I smiled back at you with no voice...a silent thought lingered in my mind on the saying....

"If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch,
you must first invent the universe"

Ready to mourn, discuss, debate, post !!!

A message in my mobile from my cousin...morning 8:30 am....
I smiled inside and felt like , yes finally....it happened.
I wished if Kasab repented the act he did by his heart – that he was able to forgive himself..
Good, good…. had to be one day....though late...it’s good..I replied that message with a smiley.. :-)

So it’s a big day….expected the newspaper and channels to be filled with news..
some riots? no.....may be some processions and gathering may be in mumbai....
and of course FB filled with this news and articles, opinions...

Though sensed justice is incomplete, felt like...this is a start...
India is strong enough to take this decision - it made me feel I am part of this strength too...
and I felt happy too...yes I felt really happy….that some sort of actions we can take …
Then the usual pros and cons started in my mind...
The mercy plea rejection by honorable President of India marked the start of it….what provoked him?
I wondered what was our PP doing for the past years? was she afraid to take the decision....?
Or is it like this is another move by the government - to make sure they did something before the elections kick off .....
is it to cover up all the scams that is floating and have their shoulders lift high so to be the hero...
Will they pull out others too... in the list.... take a decision on it? Or in fear of the community votes - they will never dig them out…?

But why am I thinking like this , why am I politicizing this matter in my mind?
Terrorism has no politics, no religion the only religion it knows is ‘Kill to Live, then you can Die to Kill’

I saw in the news channels MAA Kasab’s photo after long time.. I remember his face so well...
Then I saw the faces of those martyrs who died in the 26/11..
but I had forgotten their faces..now I saw them...
I recollected and remember them....(shame on me)
I remembered that I had prayed for their souls 4 years back....
.....that they died for us, for people like me..


Couldn’t watch the news more as it was just junk...for everything without a pinch of politics is like a dustbin item in our media...
Haven’t got changed with this execution…the channel news and media proved it yesterday again…!!

Always a picture is drawn - that India by birth – is very tolerant….
But in actual I wonder are we….? are we all saying that we can wait and have patience….
We will wait to see these wiped off after some time and not right now?
Or is it that in real we are not yet ready to handle terrorism....
Guess we are not ready to stand the after effects of these capital punishments?
It’s like we are still in some fear… some fear of being crushed…?

Perhaps we are just ready and always here to mourn…
Yes only to mourn, discuss, debate, post and remember the anniversary…
at least… I am doing only that..:-( :-(

Taliban - now all I feel is pity !!

Millions of people die every year....
Those who die for fighting for freedom, for their rights...
without any hidden intentions...they are the real hero's of this world..

But this girl.....no ..not so soon...
She is not among one who should become a memory in our heads...
This is a fight for education....fight she started for everyone like her...
..fight for every single girl in her city, in her country,..
yes in mine too......where girls are not being educated still...
Mostly education is denied due to family conditions, poverty and sometimes the meaningless traditional/society rules ....
But denying freedom to education in name of religious values that does not exist is a shameful one....
Its something that no one should take away...from any of us....

Taliban - a word of fear to me some time back in 2000...
...reading news and incidents - this word seemed to me a horror engulfing the world...
But now - no longer....no longer this word brings in a fear....
They are just a group of cowards who has a gun and know how to use them..nothing more...!!
They live in fear of extinction of their ideas...
... though never admit - they live in fear of death....
they live in name of a religion and a god built to suit their actions..
no longer I fear them, rather in this moment all i feel is pity for them.
Yes, I pity of them... for sure they are terrified of a 14 year old..

A young mind has brought this light to many of us....

This light is born from the darkness that reached its heights..and thats why its glowing so bright...
may be she survived to prove - that its not so easy to blow that off..
I wondered when I started writing this now - why am i moved by her so much...
why this girl is holding a special place in my heart...? Why am i checking news for her recovery...
she has made a difference, she has made a mark, she is done it in her own way...
may be she is the new young voice of every girl...
and the faith and power in her words is the strength every girl needs.
defining her in my own words wouldn't be enough for the courage she showed...


Was I bit late in expressing my thoughts for her.... were all of us late to keep her safe.....?
Or she had to take this upon her - for all of us to be awakened?
Malala - the name meaning 'grief stricken' - Hope she gets recovered soon...just gets recovered soon..
so she can come back and see - that she isn't alone...the world is with her...!!!

My voice is on my wall, so is yours...!!!

Facebook is on my favorites, most visited, recent history, recently closed tabs... I hope many of us do have the same name on their browser or on their ipad, iphone or so called tablets...

Many of us - just like me - use this to stay in touch with friends, acquaintances, have fun, play games, meet old school friends, make new friends, hunt jobs....and much more... Yes. Orkut, twitter, fb, linkedn all of them for sure helped me in many ways...but is this really working out for me in ways I really want to? Is this really working out for all of us as it should – or is FB controlling our emotions?

Is this blue page slowly painting my relations blue? what if these social sites is in actual driving my relations? Is posting on my friend's wall really giving the same feel as I would give it in person...? Staying in touch with FB is giving me an excuse to call them ? meet them ? maybe even message them or email them? Why do I expect my friends to know my life's action, good news, bad news, my thoughts.....through FB? and why do they have to give an excuse "I posted on FB, u didn't know, u didn't see?"


Is this wall really helping my relations ? Is it there to build or drift us in ways we never knew...? There used to be times where at least a call made sure that we are in touch... but nowadays my voice is on my wall and I hear my friend/family through their likes and comments.
Are you waiting for my smile and tears on the wall?
Will you recognize my voice if I happen to give a call?
Or am I the real Dumbo here- my friends and family do expect a call or a post on FB is enough for them?

Thoughts churning inside me - on how FB is taking relations to new directions….!!!!!
My relation with you grows with the number of posts on ur wall, my likes, my comments... if I stay on your timeline every second does that make me your good close buddy? Are we all starting to judge and measure our relations with the count of likes and comments ?
This blog post is eventually gonna hit on my wall – and yes no shame in admitting that I keep a watch on who likes , # of likes? who comments on this etc…..?
So is this open book really making my social life come into a vertex where there is no escape?

Huh!!!! Is this just another crazy thought running in my head -? Or let me guess...Am I slowly feeling to get bored of fb? Or am I trying to judge this wall? Or is it poking me so much that I need to take break from this blue window ?

For my love… For my dear…

Remembering our good old days….
Fun days at School, Plus two, NSS days,
Our great lifetime Gujarat trip...

Bunking classes...Kavitha theatre...
Baby beach…Sajani’s house out...
Vasuettan pazhampori...18 number bus..
Our coaching classes in tcr...
Train journeys…bus seats one on lap top…
My night stays at Domlur..
Outing in restaurants...
Roaming and window shopping...
Shopping until the night is dark...
Grabbing and hogging food like crazy..
Watching Gandhi class movies like old times..
Little Italy and celebrations...
Those seashell Biriyani and the bottles we collected..
Typical girly talks when there is a threesome...
Searching lost things in room...


Fame aerobics every day...salsa dance and crussover…:-)
Gossiping about all the other things in the world..
Watching those meaningless serials on TV..
The endless list of memories I hold with you..
Beyond words it is...and I don’t need to express this...
For I am so lucky you can hear my silence....!!!

No matter how much old you are ...no worry...just come to me...
I am there to lie to you - “hey...you look beautiful today”

Keeping my Self in your Shelf..

Did you ever had time to see my changes?
How much I changed and why I had to change...
What is that I feel now ,how far I changed...
How can you know me now...feel me now...?
All the while you were busy in your own life!!
Never once you looked at the shelf of yours..
How badly my shape had changed in there..

And now that I got out of your shelf today..
All you can see is the scars I have on me..
Bringing back in the change to stay alive..
Now that I am polishing and adoring me..
Trying to fix the self that got lost in ur shelf..
The selfish you in you just cracked up..huh?
All you can judge me in a word is Selfish!!

Your Birthday...:-)

Your birthday is a special day to me..
For I was born that day again as a sister....


You gave me a chance..
to hold you so close..
to understand the first feeling of care...
to feel trust that can never be broken.
to learn how to punch back in the fights..
to get hurt when you are in pain...
to love you and know that there is no limits...
to know that you are there when I fall..
to show my dark sides and tolerate with it...
to make me feel how much special I am...

You are my precious gift that life gave me...
A treasure….I can never lose with time or age...
Unsaid promises we share...with each other..
Silent whispers that keep our bond together..


With each passing day you are just being loved more.. :-)
With every moment You are a reason to love you more.. :-)

To be in your shoes...and feel the life!!!

"Just a scribble of thoughts on the show today - episode 6"

Sometimes pity them...Sometimes feel discomfort…
Sometimes a sad sight…Sometimes a helping mind….
I can never know the plight of any disabled person….
Unless I am in their shoes…waking every day..
If a day I walk on crutches, spend a day blind or dumb…
Would not be enough to know their true state…
Unless I am in their state...living the life…
Will I ever know what they feel about reactions..

Initiatives are to come from institutions and industries…
The e-learning software company of 250 disabled employees...
That just proved how to make this possible…
Government has to do more in this area – in bringing a rule...or a law..
And that should cover both public and private sector...rather just government institutions…

Writing on this topic - running short of words…
May be my experience in life is holding back my words..

The poll question was a bit embarrassing to me after a thought..
Do we need a poll - if government needs to make disable friendly environment?
Pathetic are we - figuring out – how sooner we need it in 5 years or 10 years?

Hmm.. the Euro cup 2012 – has taken away all my attention , time and energy in spending my thoughts and words on this episode…
Well can’t deny – in the end – I am a self who likes football and when I deal with passion – I put them first in the queue… :-)



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Where there is love..

Where there is love – is there a way out ??

"Just a scribble of thoughts on the show today - episode 5"

Breaking the tradition, Hurting the sentiments, Betraying your religious belief ..
Fed into the heart and heads of whoever is born and brought up in this country...
Even I am one of them....and who still does not have found a way to break this unsaid rule or visible boundaries...!!!

Lucky are those - who fall in love, find their true partner, and their love gets bonus picked to spend a life together..
May be I should not say lucky - the word is Bravo!!! Strong love that just hit the souls enough to cross all boundaries..
Like in the Bollywood - "Duniya hai dushman -Dushman se he ladna"!!!! all those who fight and win – either die or have a happy ending...:-)

I am not expecting any change of this scene - even a bit at all - from the show that was hosted.

It’s easy to put the blame on the tradition, culture and practices we following...
But India is full and rich of those values only…and that tradition is already created boundaries and breaking the wall built over a thousand years is not just easy.
Even though we see a modern India - lies beneath the real truth at every home, every town and every city where metro runs!!

Did the show just poke only the middle class, lower class, not-so educated - tradition minded people...?
Are we seeing only the "sarpanch ka faisla" here? and the show just peeped into that...
Crucifying the Panchayat was the only thing ? huh!!! Can’t you see anything on the television and internet in this modern world?
Community matrimony.com??? didn’t the hell just got bigger with all these...!!
Looks like Mr. Perfectionist didn't have those sites or add come closer to his eyes…
Or you were just so afraid to bring it on - as religion is something that everyone is afraid to touch...?

Didn’t the episode had more to cover – the real values that our country beholds tied with religion , caste as well as family values!!!
May be a highlight on the surrounded issues where killing your own love - in need of love… in middle of roads….
An insight into the crumbling minds of youth – in teenage, in their 20’s – amidst the chain pull process of leading their love to a success..

Naah…. Guess I am deviating the topic….May be the show just dealt with killing in name of love, for love, killing of busted girlfriends or boyfriends...sons, daughters...
That’s it ....nothing more - nothing less...I just have to believe that for now....

All these years in my life – in a middle class family of mine – where these values hold great strength - these boundaries never seemed a boundary.
But when true love is found - across these boundaries – then I guess these just become visible and feels like a chain that has to be broken…!!!

I wonder in such cases "where there is love - is there a way out... or is that true love isn't enough and needs that extra something?"



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When your colour changes...

It all started with this...
I just came...I go green...

I see grey....I know he is offline
I wonder....if invisible mode?

I see green....I know he is available
I guess....chatting with whom?

I see orange....I know he is away
I reason....away for long time?

I see green....I know he is available
I confused...should I ping him?

I see orange....went away again...
I depressed...should’ve pinged!!!

I see him green...available again..
I ponder..let me start with a hi..!!



I see him green... still green...
I think...is he really free?

I see orange....oh idle again..
I guess ...busy in other windows?

I see red...oh busy now..
I shout.....I wanna talk...

I see red...busy still...
I miserable...why so busy?

I see green...ahh..free...
I type...’hey u there ?’

I see grey....what..??
I sigh....there goes ’hey u there ?’

I see grey...still see grey...
I go glum...not interested...?

It all ended....waited for green..
I better go now.....I go grey!!!

Pure white coats - dipped in Red blood!!

"Just a scribble of thoughts on the show today - episode 4"

‘Talwar’ - se Takrar.....the sword is hanging right above my head...
What an episode to prove that authority can never take a decision for people like us...
Mortified of you KK Talwar....you just proved I can never see an action from your side...
We never can expect any healing from you...
“% kehna mushkil hoga....” – what the ‘F’ ... - should I be taking the statistics for you?
You seemed like a 5 year old kid – fumbling for words to justify the question...from Aamir...
I think you would have preferred to have scripted dialogues that would have suited your needs....
Do you need a ten years more to study the situation of the nation and then step on to the action plate...?
Or maybe you can start to take an action once your chair earned you enough bank balance...!!!
A Padma Bhushan in your pocket does not give any damn to me..... rather it makes me ponder whether you know what you need to know of what is MCI?

When thought of writing of the episode – couldn’t help to break out like this...
Made me feel once again....change is possible only through me, through us... only with coming generation....

No one in our society escapes from a doctor or hospital....in their lifetime...
And we can’t stop trusting them - in times of need....in times of emergencies....
“Never hide anything from doctors” – but are they transparent enough to us?
The need for a family doctor.... is become like a must – to – live factor in everyone’s life...
And I got scared – thinking I have only 2 of my friends who are doctors – in my generation. Should I have a doctor friends circle soon?
Have I to be my own savior - by always having a second opinion on any major treatment I am going through...?
I personally have an experience with one of my cousin – where a technician in hospital turned out to act like a doctor and tried to give treatment...
Also the attitude of almost all doctors when they diagnose people above 70 years – like ‘ We have done enough- Old age- Anyway have to die sooner”
Will this ever change.....

The show gave me a shock this time too – where the villagers had to grieve on the uterus removal.... :-(
Whoever did the same looks like forgot that – he/she – came from the same uterus..
And stealing away her own womb, for which she is born for in this world – is the worst anyone can do to her.
Am I really living and breathing the same air..... in such a country?

Can I Say “Enough is enough – All of you doctors be ready to take off your white coats, we are getting you Red ones dipped in blood!!

Initiative of general medicine... is something to look forward... to act upon...
Each one of us at one point will benefit from that for sure... an SMS ‘Y’ for certain this time!!
Atleast half of my retirement money won’t be going on medicines.....!!


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"Just a scribble of thoughts on the show today - episode 3"

Having watched Saturday CL final match and slept late like 4am - somehow managed to wake up at 11.....

My guess turned out to be right this time...
Since last Sunday I was wondering what topic next? that can capture our hearts...that can hit numbers in large...
Dowry issue - nothing other than that....That turned to be the one too....

I don't know - somehow I felt the seriousness just went a little below this time?
The issue discussion somehow went like - "yes yes yes we all know this, society is having this issue", "may be we can try, but this problem is ....."
And about the cutting down prices in marriages, or having simple ritual at own marriage...I wonder how far it would be agreed upon...
Nobody wants to have the so called 'D' day in their life be a dry day... nor any parents of the bride/groom would want to feel they did less for the marriage..
(at least if u ask me, i wouldn't want a too simple one....its a special day... and i should get a little feel of Big Fat Indian wedding)

I liked two of the comment in the show :
"As a woman - I can even give birth to babies, men - you cant even do that..."
"If want to have a big fat wedding, the bride and groom should do it on their expense, not on family expense"

I still have no clue on what path this problem can take for a solution...
Especially in a country like ours -where the word 'Bidhai' comes - for the parents to their daughter - they ought to spend every penny for their daughter.
Is the root grounded firm with our Indian culture?

Strange - but i feel the stories and facts ....makes me wonder - will this issue ever solve?
1) Daughter have to leave her home after marriage... (so y not give her all I have now to my daughter, be it dowry as gold or cash or flat ?)
2) Only her dead body should come out of her sasuraal house...( so y not give her, so she can have a good life with whatever we give)
3) 'Pati Paremeswar' concept - where every girl , and in some states even the bride's father touches the groom's feet!!!
4) Forgive your husband & his family and listen to them - they are you parents, your family now!! (what happened to my parents? (A mom is always a mom, a mother in law can never be my mom)
5) Sath Janam - related stuffs, every other thing related to religions, cultures - makes this word called 'marriage' a big one
6) Most cases parents do think it will be difficult to get a groom- if my daughter becomes over qualified..
7) Plan my son's career and life based on the dowry amount....and put him on the best education
Its all in the mind set - where we are already spoon fed with some things like above,...so hard to change...
Also hardly an open discussion with children and parents comes on marriage expenses....

Is it feasible - that instead of resolving 100 cases, take any one strong tortured case - in dowry related - give punishment to related people...!!
A punishment that you never want in a lifetime.... at least one head gets cut off - for the same - then people may realise...!!
Does it feel too much to CHOP a HEAD in this case? Then here lies the problem - coz some of us still don't feel this as a crime....

You wont believe a conversation I had with one of my colleague.. on why he wants to go Onsite(abroad for work).
"I am planning for marriage in this year...If i go onsite , US of course, at least for 6 months, then my dowry amount will increase by 10 Lakhs, and people will be ready to give a car as well..."
I never heard a better reasoning from anyone for deputation to onsite...it just made me dumb, and left me with no points to argue with him...!!
The fact was then clear to me - its not a problem - no one feels this as a problem.....
Its just like a supply chain market - if you have More Tags attached to you... the More is the price...
So in real aren't the guys carrying a pluck card "Ready for Marriage - Interested in My tags, My price"!!

Pledging not to take dowry, not to give dowry, and moreover not to witness any marriage with dowry system - high hopes and dreams to touch sky!!

But I can do my bit.... I want a man, not a bunch of tags I bought with money!!!
My decision is firm - No giving dowry or taking dowry...!!!


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"Just a scribble of thoughts on the show today - episode 2"


The Sunday alarm woke me up this time at 10am..
Having had an impact with the first episode of it - I felt not to miss..
The topic that got picked out this time is just a strong one.... I would say stronger than first!!

The show followed the same pattern, an intro , statistics, experiences, opinions , what was done over the years ? what action can we do on it?
The introduction was kept to some dialogues as we expected from the perfectionist...
Statistics 53% :- if reported is 53 - it has to be more..isn't it? How many of us - if we were - would still have the dare to say "I was abused sexually when I was a child"
Experience shared :- so daring and brave to come in front of the nation and report it. Hats off to them in having done the same in a country like ours.
What was done over the years :- Felt an unsaid shame that no law has been passed for these ever ; and that oral penetration cannot be considered as a crime? phew..!!!
Action :- fast track to pass the bill - I am in hope - a little hope but not much this time....
Workshop: - Yes it was clear to kids -the idea of body guard is interesting to every one...Every parent has to strive to be one!!
I messaged a 'Y' this time too... A huge movement on corruption had got side tracked ....that bill is in bits and pieces now... I don't now what plight this bill will take in future...
May be my doubt is not the outcome of the action...
I guess I am still unsure if this bill or law will actually resolve the problem or stop an abuser from making a move!!

It does not depend on any law, any country, any rule, any society values...or social status...
The root cause of this is silence...as the show title clearly stated...
And breaking the silence is not so easy....
The natural transition of an innocent soul to a brave soul is just crumbled into pieces - at an age of not knowing how to fix it.
and as said...the real tragedy of life is what dies inside a person while he/she lives...
Whoever gone through this trauma - may never forget or forgive the person for the act....
but when it comes to forgiveness I remember this one recited on Oprah show:
"Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past could have been any different"

I still feel the show may not have impacted or created awareness in all groups...
still there would be many of them out who would sure feel - this will never happen in my family.
The news that come out are related to only children getting abused in schools, sport coaching centers, tuition classes etc....Shocking is when kids or parents who comes out with a case suffer the side effects like one would never had thought!!
Hardly 10% of the cases come out - for an abuser who is inside own family....
So cant blame - there is a natural tendency we all feel - of course cannot be in my family!!! My family and relatives are safe!!

As an elder sister - I remember how cautious I was about my younger sisters - whenever I am with them - taking an extra little care on everything they do, who they are with, where they go, what they talk... keeping on safe side of the road - so no nerveless guy dashes them on purpose, putting them in side seat of the bus...giving money to a auto driver or shopkeeper - making sure no touching on purpose.....and much more...... the list is endless!!!

Its just not up to one child to find his/her bodyguard, its up to all of us to help them find a true one!!!
I feel all the time - the best way is to share our experience to younger ones....
Sharing even the slightest experience one had - like road teasing , poking in crowded bus /trains...
...and discussing with them how we ourselves handled it or how we could have better handled it...
May be in that kind of talks - they get a sense of trust..a bond comes in naturally....and that will make them strong enough to share things to us...

"I can be your bodyguard only if you trust me, so I am ready to share me to build your trust"

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