Back to the same shade....!!!

I didn't want to write anything on this...!!!!
but my earlier post - explains it....
..hmmm....

hating helplessness

I hate this..... getting into this state...!!!!!!!!!!
Grrrr...!!!!!!!

Expectations Fulfilled.....

The pressure in a relation to meet the expectation of the other…
Is that the most challenging part….?
Needless to say that everyone wants the same...
It doesn’t matter if you are an all time “Meets expectation” of another...
At some point you will fall short of any one’s expectation, any one’s feelings, any one’s trust...
A time is there, may be you can’t do it or hold it for long...
But that doesn’t mean you are not capable of it…And that doesn’t mean that you are not fit for a relation...

My dear, just need to give a second thought and see what you are..
If you feel that you are falling short of one’s feelings…and you know that you can hurt them coz of that..
And knowing that you tried and couldn’t make it out the best....but still know how the other feels..
Guess that’s it - Be happy that you understand the emotions of the other..
Yeah, just be happy you tried..The thing that only matters is that you tried...
You know you haven’t come short of the expectation of who you are..

Fill your bucket first – never fall short of being what you are..
My expectations of what I am from me – that’s what is I need to fulfill!!!!!
In the end its just about being happy of who you are….:-)

Diwali....Deepavali....

One more Deepavali is getting over in viewing the lights i ncrackers

Those long night calls we do !!!

A long conversation whatever it may be...
When it’s done between you and me who love to talk..
And words flow like as if no shortage to express..
When we don’t have to search for a topic...
Laughing at things that hold no point...
Simply arguing silly with each other...
Holding onto one's self...showing stubbornness..
Saying how much the relation values to each other...
And feeling that this crazy talks bind us...
Before saying bye, I wish if I couldn’t end...
And just keep on talking the whole time!!
When everything I say can only be heard...
And I can't see the dear one I am talking to...
So far across the distance we are…
I realize the truth....between you and me..
I am on my cell phone ....
Oh, I need to pay these mobile bills..!!!

Scream to make a difference?

It is natural for one person in love to feel that nothing more than me in this world will ever matters to the person I love.
It is natural for a person having a best friend to feel that no matter what happens, my friend is always there for me ...

These thoughts and feelings have no reason for themselves....
We feel that - for we want to feel that way - that's what makes us happy!!
But in real - these feelings have no meaning...at all..!!!
Feelings change , so is people, so is friends, so is love!!!

Sometimes it is just not enough to know that the person we love is beside us...
Its required to have it make it feel somehow - that they are really there!!!

Sometimes it is just not enough to hear from the other that they haven't changed..
Its required to have to make it feel that same thoughts still persists!!!

It is so hard to experience the change a relation goes through in different times....It may become strong or weak with time, but the best times never come again...
It is so hard to adjust with changing time, changing relations, changing feelings, changing reactions, changing words....on top of all changing eyes!!!

It’s true that friends try to be in touch - but it’s actually so hard to be in touch (in presence) after having their own priorities and responsibilities in life....
Still, heart wishes that old times come over, any time call, any time talks, any time see....anytime ,anywhere...!!!

I was in a phase of my life, where i wanted my best loved ones or friends to be side of me....
It came to realization soon - that no matter how deep rooted a relation or love is, there are times where life's priorities take over the value of relations..
Having not felt the presence of my friends, I felt sad...
but then later i felt - sometimes it wouldn't have made any difference if they were somewhere nearby. All would be busy in their own things...
Now it’s like used to not having one beside - when in actual need...(emotional support being by side is what everyone wants)

Why is it so hard to be the same way as we were one day? Is it because change is a rule of nature and all of us are forced to change in some way or the other...
I don't know....why I am so emotional nowadays... and still hard to express it.

Yes, I am finding hard to say it to the world –
“Yes, I feel lonely with none of my friends really beside me”.
I wanted to scream and shout this and say to all my close friends out there , but what if the scream doesn’t make any difference?

This post is reaching nowhere!!! Winding up!!!

14th year - The Meet was special!!!

I was thinking what to wear, saree ?salwar? It’s after so long years me meeting.....with all...!!! I wanted to look the best....!!
14 years passed after we got of the school……it’s a long time!!! 1997 Batch St. Teresa's Anglo Indian Girls High School!!!

I was so busy at office the whole week.....but Facebook - countdown messages made me feel that day is near...!!
I boarded bus from Bangalore Friday 22nd night...and the bus met with accident... Horrible state!!!
But then I felt before every happiness is achieved - some hard times are there for sure....!!!

I was so excited as the day came.... Got dressed up, grabbed an umbrella and just set off in an auto....
I was thinking will all come dressed up like coming for a wedding? Or simple dressed? In Saree? We didn’t have any dress code…..
Sunday 11 was time - reached around 11:30....at the venue - Malabar Residency...
Receptionist told - its 5th floor – I entered lift..and then the 5th floor came.
Oh God.... !!! spotted Sayana in saree.....Delna and Shumla sitting together - with a table - with lots of papers on the table….
We have a registration desk ?
......shumla gone slim and her chubby cheeks weren’t there ……as she had in school times....
Minnu - I couldn’t recognize her......she was not in my FB frnds list as welll!!! But when she smiled big and rolled her eyes to me - asking - u don’t remember me????????
- yeah!!!! I do remember...you....long hair one -plait two sides.. is now short - and with specs !!!
Rubiyaaaaaa.....I was confused and finally recognized…..
"500rs" - Shumla madam was quick and prompt at it... .:-) Gave it right away….else felt she will snatch it from me….
Filled one registration form - felt like I am filling some admission form :-)
Was thirsty – and at registration desk - welcome drink was there - just had it gulped....!!
Was checking who all came....etc.... meanwhile others started joining in..

Divya CK - no surprise to see her …….as I have seen her twice in blore.... !!!
Then - Shabana, Reshna, Shyma....all started coming in…..
I entered the hall - pushed open the door....spotted - Amritha, Mary priya, Vinaya, Sandhya.....some faces didn’t change at all....
Shirin came with a big cake...Lovlin, Sajani....
In another 15 , 30 minutes…..minutes - all started pouring in!!! Awesome it was !!!!!!!!!

I didn’t expect - that all would feel this much happy on seeing each other....and also that feeling was real - genuine - could actually feel it when we all met.....
just like old times..... all were really happy...... We were just going back to old times...

Our school photo frame was there in the hall - which we started looking at -the change everyone had...and started recalling all names….

Suddenly -one flash clicked from one camera………ooooooooh…..!!!! That’s it!!!!! - All jumped as if this is the first time we seeing or posing for camera!!! 10 clicks from 10 different camera's for same pose!!! and clicking there - here – there……gang of 3, gang of 5...posed for all types of clicks...
Can’t stop to mention - that Delna, Shumla was back at registration desk - still doing their best..... Went and clicked some snaps there as well!!!

Sayana - had tough time stopping girls from doing photo clicks to start the function.... she too got carried away and started posing for clicks...!!!
Shiji called in between – and when sayana said shiji is on call online - we all screamed like hell – so she can hear us !!!!

At last - Registration was done – 26 was the number !!! Some didn’t turn up from the list Sayana had….
We all sat round at the hall –in centre one table was there…..the cake and photo had its place on the table….

Sayana - kicked off the mic by saying some sahithyam words - about this get together....it was so nice to hear that….. !!
She told of friends that couldn’t make it to the function……

Then….
We stood up in silence for our two dear friends Megha and Zabila - who is no more with us.... We remembered them in silence and prayed for them....!!!!

We went ahead with the prayer.... Amritha as usual...!!
"Sarva chara chara shrashtaavam daivamey...sathya sanathaney chaithanyame...."
Amritha - sang it full while we all catched up with her in broken words …

Lovlin took the attendance - she is our yellow badge leader!!! we all acknowledged - "Present Miss", "Present" , "Absent"...
Then we had the introduction session, cake cutting – 14 candles were lit….. the cake was awesome –
We tried to start with 'God bless St.teresa's school....Long may she prosper, long may her children loyal be....." First para itself went down. We couldn't remember it fully... :-(
hmm... Divya CK took the pleasure of cutting the cake into pieces.....
Shirinnnnnnnnnnnnn – yeah fudge was yummy…good choice dear….!!!! By the way I ate 2 pieces !!!

Sayana narrated the stories of how hard she had tried for all of us to make this happen....
I am sure everyone was feeling so happy and so proud of her. This wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t for Sayana!!!

Then we gave away awards to each other….
Early comer to the function, mother of highest kids, beads numbering, lucky person of the day , lean or slim one among us, fattest among us, best dressed for the day….etc lots categories….
In middle of all this…..we talked of Roshni, Priji, Jayashree, Soya, Sabee, Shybi, Diana mathews, Diana thomas, Meenakshi, Namitha, Joker Namitha, Boarding days ......most of them who couldn't make it... all of them somehow came into topic of discussion….

It was getting lunch time ….we postponed the lunch a bit – as photographer arrived…
Sayana asked if we can put photo in local newspaper….. YES!!!!!
Took the group snap – with some of us standing and sitting on chairs….:-)
Shumla was not ready to leave the sitting chair on side..:-) you can see her in the snap!!!
Shirin turned at me - put your hair in front - let all see... !!!
Somehow we all were set - and the photographer clicked it many times – then yes the final one!! DONE.
Just as it was done - I was getting down from chair to the ground - searching my sandals...and wanted to see how the photo came off well or not?
Then noticed a crowd....I was not able to see the guy who took the photo ???
Everyone had surrounded the photo man to see - how the photo has come - .....he was attacked by us all!!! Typical girls!!!
Yeah, we were typical girls - I felt that we had already forgotten our age, that we are working women or housewives or a mother of a kid or a daughter in law…
.....we were just the Xth std typical girls – that “aakrantham” we all had was superb!!! Just like old times grabbing the Tiffin boxes at lunch time….!!!! I loved that!!!

..Then we asked the photographer to take a click - group photo - in each of our camera...... poor guy took a snap in all the camera ......and at the end Shirin's mobile camera too got a chance to click us .. and that turned out to be best shot as per the photo man!!!

Headed for lunch - Soup , Porotta, Fried rice, veg and non veg items - then ice cream and Gulab jamun..!!!Everyone picked food and started having it..!!

I sat with Tina and had lunch, talked lots...- I realized slowly...the bonding is still there - no matter how many years had passed!!! She is still the same and I do care for her in the same way I did years back.......She is friend and family to me as well - I was feeling sad that for so long - why I was out of touch with her? why didn’t I keep in constant touch with her....!!!
Then after lunch - when some started leaving - I felt the same with everyone.....we could have stayed in touch even some time back, a gettogether after 10 years would have been possible....
But better late than never ..14 years!!! Yes - A photo Started it all!!!! Thanks to FB- Mark Zuckerberg Zindabaad!!!

We continued with games in the afternoon - after lunch... some recall names game….etc…
Sumi came –in middle and she sat beside me….she has gone slim changed bit – gone slim…..
She was asked to recall all of our names…. and I am not goofing up – she actually remembered all names – in one say!!! She didn’t take 2 seconds to recall a name!!!!!
Passing the cap was done……Delna grabbed the winner prize… Most of them left the venue as was getting late….
Reeshu joined us with her kids…..around this time…… It was nice to meet her – she was same almost – not much change , cute kids!!!

We were still talking…. some were leaving…some were planning to leave….
Megha’s parents joined us…then…
Felt good they had come…..It was a different feeling….for us….
Had got a box full of chocolates for all of us !!!
Talked for a while, took snaps with them…and then they left …..
To hide back tears and still rejoice in our happiness…I don’t know how aunty and uncle did that….
Can’t write more on how that feels to me…..

It was 5pm – and we were winding up….
Sayana, Delna and Shumla started settling accounts…and it was getting done….
We left the hall…..….entered the lift….. Ground floor first floor, where to get down – after a confusion we all got down at basement….!!
That’s it – done……!!!!

Hmm.. It was slightly raining – I got an auto and headed back home!!!!!

This day is special……. A lot special to me….. and special to whoever came there…and whoever missed……!!!!

You don't have to...

You don’t have to walk with me for we once held hands as one..
but...
Walk with me only if you can give me your hand without a thought...

You don’t have to see me for we met so often in the huge crowd…
but...
Meet me only if you don’t worry of the crowd where we are in..

You don’t have to talk to me, for we talked all long days and nights..
but...
Talk to me only if you feel to share thoughts of us with time...

You don’t have to trust me , for you trusted in me every moment...
but...
Trust me only if you feel your heart is safe always in my hands..

You don’t have to care for me for that's all you did ever in your life..
but...
Care for me only if you still feel, never tired in life to do so…

You don’t have to be with me for you stood with me all along…
but...
Be with me only if you are not embarrassed to be seen with me…

You don’t have to understand me, for your soul always knew me..
but...
Know me only if your soul still can see who the real me I am..

You don’t have to love me , for you loved me once with your heart…
but...
Love me only if you feel love and if that’s what make you selfless..


You don't have to stay with me for we sat on this tree forever..
but...
When leaves shed and you are bored, feel free and happy to fly away...

My Teacher...

I stepped out of my home with fear and tear,
For I wouldn't want to leave the holding hand.
When the bill rings and I take my seat in class
I am happy that you are there for my care.

You taught me how to learn and play together
You showed me light, colours and rainbows.
Be it numbers, words, figures, circles or angles.
You made them all appear interesting to me.

You nurtured in me confidence to live and love,
Taught me how to do things in right and best way.
Gave me wings to fly high, dream and achieve them.
Lead me to be strong and responsible for my deeds.

All my aspirations said I wanted to be like you.
All my questions ended in true answers with you.
I found God in you for you were the strongest
Home away from home, I never missed my mom.

You have got a special gift for learning and sharing
A heart that deeply cares and add love to my life
Everything you bestowed in me, all without selfishness.
Everything you shared with me, made me what I am.

Today I don’t step at school nor hear bells ring,
Still my heart holds all those moments with you.
When I learn something new in everyday life,
I remember you with all the respect and love.

I can write a thousand words in praise of you.
But it wouldn’t be enough to show gratitude that,
How much values you gave to me in my life..
How much value you mean to me in my life..