When Religion is greater than God :-(

Taliban is a word familiar to all of us... I scribbled first time on terror when Malala took the bullet from this group...
That’s the time in 2012 when they became to me a "Group of cowards"

The survival of Malala has brought in hope.. it was a statement to the TTP ‘s – that it’s not so easy to bring the hope down.
** TTP – is (Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan) the Taliban unit in Pakistan (Taliban originally a group in Afghan) **

For Pakistan - Taliban is a word they are used to ....the acts of violence carried out is no surprise to the citizens...
Recent Karachi airport seize that grabbed news and attention... such incidents happens to remind us of their existence..
But yesterday when I followed the news, the scene was different - the intention was not to take hostages... it was KILL !!
It was heart breaking to see the numbers rise...from 60 to 80..to 100’s..
It would have been one of the deadliest scene ...no one would ever want to see bodies of kids lying around in class rooms...
Empathies to all those parents and siblings... their state of trauma where one is trying to figure out if their kid is shot dead , injured or still alive......running through hospital corridors, searching face of their kid among dead bodies...you or me would not want to be in that state...
When the neighboring nation mourns today in this...the other side there is a celebration of victory being done..
This is one among history that will be added to the pages...and tagged along with Taliban.

In this senseless assault...many dreams were killed yesterday...dreams of parents , dreams of sisters and brothers, dreams of a nation...
Many among us do feel sad, many burn with fury, some are afraid... and some of us wants to do something about it..
News reported that across India - many schools, we are offering silence in peace related to Peshawar attack...
I followed online news and social sites today too......comments, images and posts in news sites and fb.
”what kind of a world we live in... ?” “Why they target children?” “Act of cowards”.. "Peace be with those kids and family”
It was of no doubt to me that many of us think alike... That this incident is one such shame...
That we all together need to wipe out the Taliban... or for that matter - any group that acts against humanity...

But the truth is somewhat different ..... it is so far from what I am thinking...
There is an entire different set of people that lives here...many with a different mindset...
I read again today many comments...
“Pakistan, give up Islam”
“anyway they all have to die –so what if Taliban kills them...”
”I am glad I was not born a Muslim”
"you reap what you sow".
“some more should have been dead as well”
“pakistani pigs deserve this great treatment.”

With the last one – I stopped reading the posts... who are these pigs here ? small kids who got massacred with no mercy..?
When hundreds of kids are being buried...today... people like these are at war online with such unbelievable ideologies and ridiculous thoughts....
May be the hate against Pakistan (or the religion Islam) – has grown in India(and many other countries) so much that these people has lost the ability to think beyond the nation rivalry.
I was saddened that... at times like these where kids are the victims – we had to learn from this , instead some are busy weaving nests of hatred through religion..
Where are we heading to... with such thoughts in our minds ? what are we trying to achieve..? Are we trying to prove that my religion is best among all?
Are we living here to die for religion ? or we are here learning to live through religion ?
It’s like ‘Religion is becoming greater than God’ .. Will this perspective or views of many people change one day?

This scribble came in from me....as I followed through social media..the endless hatred comments... and it is making me ponder..
"Taliban is just not a group of people with guns... guess...another Taliban exists in minds of my fellow countrymen too.."

Moments with you are forever!!

The last weekend – was filled with her thoughts only...
It’s a sad and shocking news to me...thoughts of that this should not have happened to her...
Everyone who knew her for sure will be having their heart broken...

I met her only once.. at the Grand Velas, Mexico – where we celebrated our GXS President’s club award...
Our friendship journey began since only then...
We shared about our relations.... talked like we knew each other for years.. about Bill...
... her daughter Katherine...how much she was preparing for the big day of her little girl..
We talked about our days in GXS , the difference of 0 from 3 to 30... sharing our laughter..
We both loved that trip so much, we used to talk over it again and again..
When our relation grew over Facebook – it was a magical love I was being showered to....
In every word of hers were a smile inside......it’s like happiness is in her all the time..
I remember the long chat we had last time – where we planned her next visit to India ...
and the promise I made to take her...those places she wanted to...
Now all those conversations are just sweet memories...for me...

I was checking those FB walls posts, photos, messages and thinking again and again about her...
I can never write the best words of tribute to Lisa, she was much more than that..
She was such a beautiful lady , an amazing human being...
Now that she is no longer with any of us.. my prayers go out to Lisa that her soul rest in peace..
Prayers to Bill and Katherine...that they get through these hard times of their life...
May God give strength for all of us to deal with this loss...

A sum of the moments I shared with her... in this snap...
Can never forget her....can never forget her love...
can never forget those wonderful moments we had together...
.... she is always alive in me....with the love she spread just by her smiles..
I am missing her , would miss her, keeping those wonderful memories always...

Moments with you...my dear...Lisa N Farwell are forever...!!
I am sure for most of us who knew her – it’s like that – forever..!!




In Memory of...
Mrs. Lisa Northcutt Farwell
April 4, 1962 - August 21, 2014

More than words

There would be no need of a picture if I could say it in words...
There would be no portrait of landscape if I could describe its beauty...
There would be no reason to paint if I could express in words...
There would be no reason to sculpt if I could read the letters...

When language and words are not enough - I get help from the pictures..
It’s so true that pictures speaks more than a thousand words...
I have used it several times – to speak out what I really want...

Last weekend when I met my friends.. I got gifted with a sign of love...
It was a handmade quill art – a sign of my football passion...
I busted into tears when she handed over me a gift...

When I cried , may be it came as a surprise to many...many never saw me cry..I guess...
It didn’t matter to me – that I was crying in front of all others...or if someone was looking at me..
It didn’t matter to me what she had done with her art ... it was the feel of being special..
I have never expressed to her - how much her friendship meant to me ..
Those special days in school and being a family she was more than a friend...
I would have never known what she still feel for me – if she had said it in words...
This frame of love – spoke to me that moment – I had missed her for years...



When all the years passed away – in not being with you...
When all time went on – in not being in touch with you...
I regretted all those moments of my life...when u needed me
My tears just took the way out to express that I missed you...

You just didn’t gift me a piece of frame of my passion..
But yes – it’s a gift of your time, your efforts, your skill, your sleepless nights...
A gift of your love.. I love you my dear...I love our relation...
I wish I had the best picture or frame to express it the way you did..!!

I clicked on ‘Like’..

I am a fan of football...but yes I like tennis as much as I love cricket or badminton or hockey or may be kabadi....
Though she was one of my favorite athlete...I never felt the urge to have a like on Maria ‘s page until today..
When I saw the news feed in Facebook... “Naizam Olakara likes Maria Sharapova.” 12 hrs ago...
My hands just moved and clicked ‘Like Maria’ in a fraction of second...
I felt like relieved... as if I have undone something wrong on behalf of my country....
It was like a statement to make
“Maria - I DON’T CARE IF YOU KNOW SACHIN OR AMITABH - for me YOU ARE A STAR – and this ‘Like’ is for that... “

Now it’s being more than 24 hours... since I followed this scene...
... listening to all the drama and comments on the FB, whatsapp and news channel...
And I am still not able to digest what disrespect are we dealing here ? why this drama of devotion...?
Is it just another viral at this moment – until we get a new one..
I don’t know if I am feeling a bit ashamed of myself now – to be part of this country....
May be shame is not the right word....I don’t know how to put it across...

I admire Sachin so much, grown up seeing his magic , and I do like the title of ‘God of cricket’.
But I wouldn’t care if someone at other end of the world never heard of Sachin...
If you were a true great fan of Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar – this would not have come from you...from any one of you...
I now ponder – how many true fans does Sachin have - ?
All those who reacted without a morality – do they really love their God?
Feels so very sad and pathetic and helpless at this state....yuck!!!

But yes- I think this is not the problem of People of India or Kerala .....
I sadly realize the truth.. and hence do not feel to blame the mindset of all these people .
This is how India is... isn’t it?
A country where we have more than one living Gods....
It’s a country of many religions, many Gods, many Heroes, much much much ..or many many more worshiping idols...
And it’s true – we all have closed hearts.. ..and yes we don’t have enough faith in our own God...
So if someone throws a stone at our God – all we know is – pick a bigger stone than that and throw back at him/her..
Yes in an instant – we become the guardians of our own God...
We don’t believe in faith, nor love, nor patience, nor conscience - when the question is about hurting one’s religion...
whatever that religion may be...it does not matter... we become the brutes..
And as my friend Rai – commented - there are Frogs in the well ....
Yes... that’s right.. A big well... many frogs in the well..... as if this this country has made a promise to itself
to…let’s join in creating more frogs or push some more of us into this big round happy well.
May be this is how we are.....it’s a sign that we have to grow up ... and yes a long way to go...

The hate my country has exhibited in this topic is so mammoth....
It may take years to forget this one...or may be never forgotten at all...
I am sure – when one day Sachin meets Maria – and they have a table to share...
Sachin may be happy to apologize on our behalf...that’s the kind of man he is...
And yes now all of us... can be proud.. that’s the reward we give him...
....may be realize a little late what we did to this so called ‘God’.

P.S : Writing this post – itself was embarrassing to me...thinking of what religion has done to us.

The We Tomorrow..!!!

The D day is arriving and is just hours away....
When all the questions will be answered tomorrow... ....
The day will be busy with FB feeds, posts likes, comments,
The media and news channel ticking every moment to give the lead scores.....
When more messages ,slogans and comic pictures fly in whats app...
A day to know where our nation stands...
A day to know where our nation is moving to....
A day where finally all the debate comes to an end....
A day where really some hearts rejoice and some broken....

Yes, it’s a big day for all of us...
For those who voted...the anticipation of candidate winning... to many more to a party...
For some who did not vote or couldn’t vote... yet looking forward to tomorrow’s final verdict...
For some NRI’s whose heart beats in this country still....
And to many who looks forward to this country ..across the globe...
And yes it’s a big day for those too...who do not even know what is happening..

My opinion of who should win and why they should win ... is all washed out...
There is nothing left to post, comment, say or fight or debate or scream ...
The decision is already made – now the revealing has to happen......
Whoever presides the nation ... it’s my decision, it’s our decision...
And all we are left with is... the hope ...that is just alive in all of us...
That the government realizes what this nation need, what people of this country dream to..

As a citizen of INDIA, I am so proud to be here, be born here and I will always be proud....
With all the bloodshed, sacrifices made... We are a free country...
Being a democratic – We the people survived all these years..
We have enough strength and power to survive better than this...
Let us not be brainwashed with the promises anyone made...
Let us not rewind any of the deceitful campaigning they did...
Let us look forward – what happens in the coming days in INDIA...
Let us feel the things they do, they don’t do, they make us do...
Let us realize the love and duty of being an Indian.......
Keep your eyes and ears wide open....and be the judge of ‘Your vote’


Hope the day gets over peacefully..... be safe.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/gordonkelly/2014/04/15/microsoft-abandons-windows-8-1-take-immediate-action-or-be-cut-off-like-windows-xp/?partner=yahootix

Thinking of My Best friend on My Bday...

There is always a best friend for everyone.. in some way or other .... And yes, even I have...
.. I had one best friend… then it became 2….slowly to 3….at last when it became more than 5…I tried to put them in buckets....
A bucket of Good friends, another of Close friends, then Bestest friends, some Soul friends, counted Lifetime friends…

The definition of a best friend to me is changed over the years…
My Best friend for me is now like all the ones I will never forget in my life… coz some friends are best at what they are….best at what they do to me… best at what they make me feel….
I have been so lucky to have some numbered friends in my lifetime... Without all these crazy ones… I can never be the real me..


1st – the one who loves me whatever shape I turn to, whatever mood I am on...whatever mistakes I do..
2nd – the one who I haven't seen for years... but the heart reaches out to them when glad and sad..
3rd – the one who I worry about if I don’t get a weekly call , then we chat for minutes without running out of topic..
4th – the one who I would be hurt if I didn’t knew the big and small things happening with them...
5th – the one who is there on gmail, fb, whatsapp, skype, msg, calls..name the app - whenever I need ..anytime...
6th – the one who calls whenever in town and try to squeeze in the talks - out of town topics and relive the past..
7th – the one who I see almost all day, shares bunches of this and that.. bears my drama and never fed up of the real me..
8th – the one for whom I hop on bike , ride to their home, meet them - for those are real busy bees in life...
9th – the one who is just there to say a hi -hru - and wear a smile , doesn’t matter we knew the current affairs..
10th – the one who lives on my FB likes and comments - and makes me feel - we are still on baby..
11th – the one who I lean on for pouring out my weirdest and confused emotions – and exactly knows what to say to me..
12th – the one who I dial /message immediately whenever something big is happening to in my life…
13th – the one who wishes on my bday every year. ..I dial on his and he on mine.. enough to let know we are special friends...
14th – the one whose voice I always recognize even at any wakeup call of my tightest sleep…
15th – the one whose blogs I read - doesn’t matter if seen each other for years or never will be able to meet in life..
16th – the one who is a colleague, being with me in the 4 walls , bearing all my daily tantrums at work…
17th – the one who is across the sea and let know of all the special things once a while in a call…
18th – the one who you know they are the same even if you don’t call them once a week, a month or in a year..
19th – the one who in my school/ college , who knew the teenage me , knows the new me in 2014 & still love the way I am…
20th – the one who misses my bday all years– and later dials in to tell that with a sorry face to let know how special I still am…
21st – the one who is so afraid of losing me with time – amidst of all other friend waves that surround me…
22nd – the one who brings a tear in my eyes when they cry, that’s when I know I don’t like them being sad..
23rd – the one who always prays for me every night & wishes all times best to happen with me..
24th – the one who always runs to me when in need and I know exactly what to say to make them feel good..
25th – the one who is always there for a glass of cheers and never says NO for a drink with me..
26th – the one who showed me how to be in love, how to be loved and drifted away holding a broken heart..
27th – the one who is much more than a friend and holds a special feeling in my heart …
28th – the one who knows to read my mind when my lips are sealed and is sure something is not right with me..
29th – the one who breaks my trust every time and I just can't let them go for I love them in some ways..
30th – the one who is always proud of the person I have become in life and aspires my wishes as their dreams..
31st – the one in my family – my father, mother, brother, sister, cousins , my aunt ,uncle, my grandma , niece or nephew.. the one at my home that knows the naked me..
32nd – this B'day.. I hope to find a new bucket…and the Love is set ON...Ready to give, give, give..... and live on... :-)

Dedicated to all my friends who touched my life....
You should know that.. you for sure, totally and definitely made a difference in my life by just being there …

Colours of my shadow....

I nei never gn the titole -
I never used to realize the change in colour...that i hold on to...
But this time it is so visible to me...
This time chthis time
Even the chnages in season have an explanation behind it...

Belated new year eve

It came for me belated..i should say it came belated for us...

Blown away by destiny , I was not in India...for new year this time..
To find a next possible date to meet was the tough thing... but finally the day came.


It was a long awaited evening as we haven't seen each other still...
the evening which I had woven thoughts about it since months....the dress to wear, places to go , fine dining....and much more...

5 minutes past 5pm - I got down my apartment and there he was..
There it was... the red A red Nissan Micra..and he was standing leaning at the car front door...
with a sweet smile on my face i said "Hi"..
"Let's go...?"


He opened the door for me.. A reflex 'Thanks' came to my lips and with a silent smile inside I hopped onto the seat.
He walked past the front side of the car...I was looking at the shirt he was wearing...I kind of liked it.... may be I always liked checked shirts!!
It's just a car... not a closed room... I wondered why being alone with him - so close made me so nervous... or may be some kind of happy excitement it was...:-)

We didn't make any plans for today as what has to be done.. I kept wondering if he has already made plans about evening - the place to go, the dine in etc... The deal was that - we would plan the evening as it unfolds.

'You are the Blore girl - tell me where to..?'
'For a drive or halt?'
'Drive is good...we can drive.. '
Its raffic on Saturday evenings this time - in city... guess from he


Though late it came in with whatever I wished it for...except that the date was not the same.

This guy is just as I had thought... No pretentions.. or no fake hugs... the one I may run away from.

The HRA masala is not cooking well..!!

It's the time of the year where salaried people like me have to declare and submit proofs of the investments, hra, income etc....
I never understood the HRA concept in the initial years of my career ... never bothered about it too... as my salary package never reached heights to understand the concept of income tax.
Later with passing years finally got to know words like 80C, IT, HRA, PF... as had no escape from all this - once I entered into the big salaried world.

The HRA problem had got big for people like us last year - when landlord PAN was mandatory for rent above 2,00,000
It just got bigger -this year when the cap got reduced to a Lakh and everyone has to run behind the landlord for the pan number.
And this time its not cooking well for me... and its not going to get digested too.. for many of us...

Is this rule for really people like us who is without fail paying taxes to the government? This was an easier act to pass on to the middle class people like us.isnt it.? Now that whoever staying in a rented house - if they cant get hold of PAN card of landlord , they definitely gonna lose money to pockets of politicians. A new way to collect more tax without fail...and name it as fraud-less HRA declaration..

I had a larger dilemma in mind thinking what is this for.. is it for my good or bad.
Good in one way , Yes it prevents any fraud in this area where one could have declared a greater rent than actual one.. But what is the motive reducing cap to 1Lakh rupees? what in the world suddenly struck to the tax authorities..?
Why make new rules when you can't keep existing ones in right shape..?
Amidst all the masala's that is going on to achieve a central database with aadhaar card, voter id, ration card, gas connection, passport and pan card... are these new ways of testing patience of people like us...
When this news came - I was following people reactions - some were of the opinion let BJP government come and they will take off these tax headache for people like me.
what is BJP for me? and what good is congress doing for me?
I see no good in congress, bjp, or aap or any kind of political group...be any government the tax slab was never an issue for the government. It never got revised to a decent figure in the recent years... When Pranab as the finance minister revised it some years back a slight change to the slab - I felt happy and hoped he could have done better. And really envisioned to see some changes in the tax being paid by salaried people like us. No rule came in never that touched the big whale pockets and continued to focus on small pockets where it was easy to drain money.

I silently realise there is not much use with salaried job of mine.... Slog and work for a 100 rupee and there goes my thousands ....government silently snatching from me.. I sometimes wonder is this real democracy - "FOR the people"?
I would have happily given away the tax - if I was reaping benefits out of it.. at least by traveling in good roads , clean pathways, great hospitals, reduced commodity prices or something that benefited me in things I touch day to day.... Or i should say something at least that my children benefited from?
Instead I am angry now - as my money is going into some Swiss bank ... or into some political campaign or into scam pockets ... who is doing no good for me.

I work for my living, pay sales tax, commodity tax, vehicle tax, consumer tax, value added tax, service tax, income tax, road tax, professional tax, education tax, electricity tax, excise tax, custom tax,entertainment tax.... endless list of tax names wherever I am in this country... Isn't the list enough for someone like me to rage in anger...and start cursing the government and politicians...
Don't want to extent this post of mine - bursting out my anguish and frustration..
I wish if i had a better tax slab system for my country.....and i hope i can work towards that in some way.. and i long that a time comes where I happily pay these taxes..!!!!

The right thing to do with me.. !!!

“I was thinking I was doing right when I was going through the same...but it took me so long to realize that I am wrong.”
A liner that is so common to hear from anyone who has gone through it..

A good relation is a bond that comes from the heart.. and once you are glued to that person by your heart –
..... you don’t think twice to act or express for that person.
Every time you spend with them.... Every word you speak with them....
Every things you hear from them.. you make it a part of your life..
Everything you do for them feels important to you... Everything they make you do, you do it with heart..
With growing love in your relation you change so much unknowingly, you change for that person.
Your level of discomfort slowly moves on to the comfort zone and gradually you get adjusted with them...

It takes months, sometimes years or a lifetime to realize what you really going through..
A tick on the clock never tells that your love is taken as advantage.. and life is out of rails...
Every word you speak in care – turns out to be a disaster for an argument..
Every action you do with them, do for them – goes with the wind.
Do a thousand things , nothing counted.. still you try to be happy that you tried, you strived..
It gets to you like you failed to do something.. like you forgot to do something right..

You face the pain in the relation with great strength – for your heart is not just tired of them..
You bear the insult that this relation gives, you turn your face away so as to ignore the facts...
You overcome this broken trust in relation with great difficulty, demanding to trust again..
The only thing that matters to hold on is that you have been in it for long time...
You remember the times when you felt this love is forever.. this friendship is forever..
This relation is a lifetime...and now you don’t find any reasons to feel the same way.....

You never understand what caused this pain.. within you...
You start thinking that things will clear out soon...
I can quit, I never can....
I can run, I never think I can....
I don’t need you , I never wanna lose you...
Your brain and heart in a never ending conflict...
Your senses and wisdoms giving different battles...

You take advices from near and dear to deal with it somehow..
You take decisions that never works out to be true to you..
You go through days where you stop believing in self..
You feel you can’t fulfill the expectations in relation..
You feel you cannot maintain any relation in your life..
You feel you can never be a good friend to anyone..
You feel you are the one who is root of these problems..
They MAKE you feel like you are not worthy enough..

You don’t need to prove who is right and wrong in this..
This relation is proving every day in your life - that you are weak..
You just need to know that you are not yourself anymore..
The day is today to realize this relation is not what you need in life..
Waiting for a rescuer to come, waiting for a time to come...it’s not going to happen..
End the wait is what you need to do – to know that You are your savior...and no one else.

If you still feel - you are STRONG...
Thinking that you have all the power to tolerate with the hurt in a relation... accepting all the unwanted dramas that this relation give..
And you try to survive and survive and survive till your heart is completely cut into pieces... You are wrong my dear... You are not strong enough!!
Your real strength is when you know that this music is out of tune and no lyrics is going to make it right...
Your real strength is when you break these chains and set you free... and you see that you are good enough for you!!!

“Any relation without love is still a relation , but without respect it never was a relation and never can be.."