Lucky 2 be on the 'F' side of sex !!

"Just a scribble of thoughts on the show today"

Sunday..Sunday..Sunday...no waking up thinking tomorrow is Monday......
but guess what , I got up at sharp 11...!!
Yeah the Sunday morning wakeup call - didn't want to miss that.
a TV show from the so called perfectionist .. didn’t expect much...I never gave a damn to his crocodile acts!!
I wondered if it just was a celebrity show....something to do with his next film?
But the show just got me glued to the TV....
'Satyamev Jayate' - The episode just gets into one's heart, creeps immediately into the mind..
and it just started bombarding lots of questions in me too...

Yes...the topic was a shameless secret that our country is still holding!!!
The show just kept it simple, brought in statistics, actions...as well..
The darkest act was just not one deed of killing the girl child,
but it gave a shiver in my spine thinking the ripples it gives to us as girls..
This was not new to us, not new to me...the episode gave the cause, the roots of it...
Any magazine or news channel can do this, but I can say this show connected to me!! yeah!!

Went back to my normal Sunday routine, then couched to TV in the evening..
accidentally slipped in with repeat telecast....I watched it again..
Am I going to stay as a potato couch in this case too?
what can I do - I am just a "mango person" the "aam aadhmi" in this country..
I cannot do anything in this case....can I?
hmmm...but yes I still can vote on the same...
Logged into FB, clicked 'Like', shared in my comments, expressed my support!!!
Be it show tactics, or the usual SMS funda's.....in every TV shows....
I didn't care....this time...SMS ed a 'Y' ...

Deep inside a thought came in - I should feel lucky to be born in this country.
I am so glad and I thank my parents, my family for that...they never had a second thought on me....when i was born...!!
and all those ladies and girls..whom i know in my life, my sisters, my friends, my colleagues...yeah guess we need to be lucky our sex is ‘F’ !!!
and....ahh...guess if we are lucky , then we should be glad to be born in this 'Bharat Mata' country !!!

It's too such a short time to judge a show...in the first episode..
Was the topic so catchy to me, being a girl...? anyways was a good one.
And I hope it continues to give me an alarm every Sunday morning!!

'Satyamev Jayate'

If you...

If you are still mad at me – for a wrong thing I did some time back…?
If you still plan to whine all time for the same thing and make me feel bad..?
Then I need to tell u now..
I no longer give a damn to that….!!! No more give a damn to what you think.
If you can’t feel I am sorry, you can never feel my love for you..!!

Stepping to the era of 30's!!

“Happy Birthday” – A wish where you actually feel so happy, and so special…
It’s a moment where everyone you are close with – remembers your day and wishes you – either with a card or mail or call….

In my thirteens to mid-twenties wishes always came in card or posts…
Then it started pouring in sms, orkut, fb wall posts, e-cards, emails….
This time I got loads of writings on my wall….Thanks to FB for being there to remind my friends !!
Whoever expected – called, but some of them didn’t….. I hope they remembered my bday…:-)
Whoever not expected – called, and some of them messaged…I hope they remember next year too..:-)
And there was a load of messages and mails from sbi, airtel, reliance, scullers, max new York, tata , westside, citibank, tech forums… :-)

How these birthday wishes changed with time….is a thought giver!!

The first step into 30’s is never pleasing…. It’s like entering another phase of your life….
When stepping into thirty - yes – everyone might have said this to themselves “I am turning 30!!”
At least all of my close friends (esp girls) had given a sigh about it…:-)
I don’t know about all others… but yes getting into thirties – make me feel a bit bothersome!!
Is it coz I am getting a year older?
Or is it coz another decade of my life is done?
Or entering 30’s is like really a big step where you leave your youth??
Fear of missing the wonderful , youthful days and having an aged feeling??
Was it coz I had an amazing twenties….in my life… and those moments are like best ones!!
Time for being naughty, flirty and dirty just got over?

I celebrated my bday this time at home – with my family and cousins…it was great!!
The day ended with replying to posts – and I am happy more than 50 posts had hit my bday wall!!

Still a thought was hanging inside - I have turned 30 today!! 

The best friends I ever knew!!

The only friend you have, had and will always have..
I think I know who it is.. It’s CHANGE…

Time’s best friend - ( a fictional thought )

No one would dare to make friends with you…
Why would anyone want to get stuck with time…?
I am all the while fighting with you to make a living.
Why should I tolerate your tastes and your dramas..?
Who will stick to you forever and would want to?
You are already so much in love with Change…
You hold on to Change in every tick of yours..
The only best buddy you want to be with …

Your relation with change is so horrifying to me…
And sometimes it acts as the way to happiness..
Your relation with change is so annoying to me..
And sometimes it’s so very soothing too..
It helps me feel new passions, new relations, new aches..
It helps me give new promises, new chances, new pains..
It helps me grow old, grow strong, grow wise..
It helps me see new paths, new sunrise, new life..

I don’t know whether I should be happy that you both are best buddies.
But it’s true your relation with change influence my life a lot..
I don’t think I would ever able to decide why you both are best friends…
But it’s true your relation with change helps me decide my best friends…

When I was born , I was tied to you...
Just like you were tied to Change..

I realize you– that with time - change is a must..
How hard I try – I can never separate you both..
You are the best friends I ever knew!!
If I embrace time, I am holding hands with change too!!!


P.S. - I wanted to express more - but not able to write more on the relation with time and change!! They both share a relation that I can never express in my simple , silly words!!

My first flight and trip to Delhi

After the Great news on my mobile...
there came hell lots of confusions between the US and Mexico – finally decided to go with Mexican Visa…
I had only one thought - back of my mind… chances of refusal or rejection of my dad’s visa if I go with the US one….
I was not ready to take a chance with him...nor ready to get risky…
This is like a biggest gift I can give to my dad…ever…
For all the hard work, efforts, time , my parents had put…so as to put me in this spot light..:-)
I couldn’t take a little risk to lose this chance….couldn’t let him loose this chance…

The application forms, and required documents ….got in hand on time
Filed the application with the travel agents..
God, travel agents SUCKS!!! You can’t rely any of them…
Travel, Visa, consulate rules, Air tickets, transit rules…all goddamn rules – trust me you have to go through it by yourself…
One lesson learnt in this 2 weeks… You just have to do your homework all the time in case of travelling..

The only Mexican embassy in India is New Delhi…
Woooh……My first visit to Delhi….
Yipee…!! So my first flight , the first flight I will board will be from Bangalore to Delhi.:-)
Wanted to book a best one….though it was domestic….Went and hit for Jet airways!!!

Dad reached Saturday Morning on 21st Jan…. Sunday was our journey.
22nd we had plans to visit our relatives house…. Hang out there if possible I wanted to roam around delhi..:-)


Boarded the flight, the experience was good.. Jet serves great breakfast!!
Clouds, I always fancied them… and to see them – right outside my window so close - was unbelievable..
The feeling was like – just break the flight glass- jump out and sleep on the bed of clouds…
Thts the click I managed to get from the window..
Hmmmm….!!!

10am – 7 degree ?? Did I land in Kashmir or what?? It was cold than I expected……
Sunday – a good lunch at aunt’s house, followed by the longest temple ride …the Akshardham one!!!
You gotta see that to believe how long was it – 4pm to 9pm – and I think I could cover half the temple 
It’s an easy place to get lost in the crowd – with no cell fones with us!!

Republic day - parade practice , tightened security…I couldn’t roam anywhere else..
Gosh!! Delhi was just as it should be – Capital city – so great!!!
It’s true - I got that feeling of being in the capital once reaching there…

Hit back after dinner to hotel asoka palace…room # 204!!!
Sound sleep , long day…
Got up early; we both just walked to the embassy….
2 people managing the mexican embassy – terrific, horrible what should I call it??
Poor organized – whatever it is they assured I can collect my passport by 5pm.

We went out – for getting sweets..
Decided not to lunch at the hotel we stayed – price was too much to have for that taste ..
We had two pizza’s from slice of Italy…hm, not so good pizza….Delhi serves!!
Boarded my 2nd flight back to Bangalore… by 8pm… just fell asleep after the dinner…served!!

In the end - A good trip to Delhi – With Mexican visa’s stamped on our passport – Half job done..
Heading to start with the next!! My flight is via Paris…and for staying at airport for 5 hrs I need a visa!!!
Phew!!! - France Airport Transit Visa…for my transit is via Paris!!! Next mission!!!

Jan 6th -The great news over my mobile

The call was scheduled at 7:30pm from the CEO....
Yeah.... it was surprising...and great to be heard...!!!
Unbelievable it was...

THE GXS PRESIDENT award - the ULTIMATE ACHIEVEMENT in GXS ; this one is the top one anyone can get here.......!!!

President's award is given every year....selecting the top layer of cream....
I am one of them for this year... Being honored for my valuable contributions to GXS in 2011 for exhibiting great GXS values..!!!
Across the globe - from GXS - I am one among the luckiest 10...I am the only one from India, from GXS -Bangalore office...:-)


The CEO call was about 3 minutes and was informed that I would become member for President's club 2011 and I can travel to Mexico to attend the President's club meeting to receive the award..that falls in Feb mid week. Moreover I can take one guest/friend/family with me for the president's club meeting.. I thanked Bob for making time for the personal call and informing me the great news...

With that call ending...I didn't know what to say to myself...Couldn't react anything much and I kept staring at my mobile - he just called me in person ......ooohhh.....!!!!

Hey, do i deserve this? Cmon....no second thoughts now - I do deserve it...
out of 3000 if i fall in top 10...why should i think I deserve it in real..??
Yeah, I am one of them!!!

Called up home, called up manager - thanked him for nominating me...emailed big boss, told to my close friends......over the weekend...:-)
Oh, God - this is so much of a reward for my hard work...:-) what a start to 2012..

The next week registration mail came for the event... That took my breath away!!!
Feb 12th to Feb 16th - A series of event lined up for my award...:-) A relaxation - vacation package..at the resort...in Mexico...clubbed with GXS functions..

I need to get my visa, tickets, lots of things pending and time is so less..
Yeah, decided that my dad is gonna accompany me to Grand Velas Riviera Maya, at Cancun-Mexico....

My first project in this new year 2012 turns out to be "My Award Journey to Mexico"
Start Date : Jan 6th 2012
In progress : First phase - Gathering requirements...:-)

Back to the same shade....!!!

I didn't want to write anything on this...!!!!
but my earlier post - explains it....
..hmmm....

hating helplessness

I hate this..... getting into this state...!!!!!!!!!!
Grrrr...!!!!!!!

Expectations Fulfilled.....

The pressure in a relation to meet the expectation of the other…
Is that the most challenging part….?
Needless to say that everyone wants the same...
It doesn’t matter if you are an all time “Meets expectation” of another...
At some point you will fall short of any one’s expectation, any one’s feelings, any one’s trust...
A time is there, may be you can’t do it or hold it for long...
But that doesn’t mean you are not capable of it…And that doesn’t mean that you are not fit for a relation...

My dear, just need to give a second thought and see what you are..
If you feel that you are falling short of one’s feelings…and you know that you can hurt them coz of that..
And knowing that you tried and couldn’t make it out the best....but still know how the other feels..
Guess that’s it - Be happy that you understand the emotions of the other..
Yeah, just be happy you tried..The thing that only matters is that you tried...
You know you haven’t come short of the expectation of who you are..

Fill your bucket first – never fall short of being what you are..
My expectations of what I am from me – that’s what is I need to fulfill!!!!!
In the end its just about being happy of who you are….:-)

Diwali....Deepavali....

One more Deepavali is getting over in viewing the lights i ncrackers

Those long night calls we do !!!

A long conversation whatever it may be...
When it’s done between you and me who love to talk..
And words flow like as if no shortage to express..
When we don’t have to search for a topic...
Laughing at things that hold no point...
Simply arguing silly with each other...
Holding onto one's self...showing stubbornness..
Saying how much the relation values to each other...
And feeling that this crazy talks bind us...
Before saying bye, I wish if I couldn’t end...
And just keep on talking the whole time!!
When everything I say can only be heard...
And I can't see the dear one I am talking to...
So far across the distance we are…
I realize the truth....between you and me..
I am on my cell phone ....
Oh, I need to pay these mobile bills..!!!

Scream to make a difference?

It is natural for one person in love to feel that nothing more than me in this world will ever matters to the person I love.
It is natural for a person having a best friend to feel that no matter what happens, my friend is always there for me ...

These thoughts and feelings have no reason for themselves....
We feel that - for we want to feel that way - that's what makes us happy!!
But in real - these feelings have no meaning...at all..!!!
Feelings change , so is people, so is friends, so is love!!!

Sometimes it is just not enough to know that the person we love is beside us...
Its required to have it make it feel somehow - that they are really there!!!

Sometimes it is just not enough to hear from the other that they haven't changed..
Its required to have to make it feel that same thoughts still persists!!!

It is so hard to experience the change a relation goes through in different times....It may become strong or weak with time, but the best times never come again...
It is so hard to adjust with changing time, changing relations, changing feelings, changing reactions, changing words....on top of all changing eyes!!!

It’s true that friends try to be in touch - but it’s actually so hard to be in touch (in presence) after having their own priorities and responsibilities in life....
Still, heart wishes that old times come over, any time call, any time talks, any time see....anytime ,anywhere...!!!

I was in a phase of my life, where i wanted my best loved ones or friends to be side of me....
It came to realization soon - that no matter how deep rooted a relation or love is, there are times where life's priorities take over the value of relations..
Having not felt the presence of my friends, I felt sad...
but then later i felt - sometimes it wouldn't have made any difference if they were somewhere nearby. All would be busy in their own things...
Now it’s like used to not having one beside - when in actual need...(emotional support being by side is what everyone wants)

Why is it so hard to be the same way as we were one day? Is it because change is a rule of nature and all of us are forced to change in some way or the other...
I don't know....why I am so emotional nowadays... and still hard to express it.

Yes, I am finding hard to say it to the world –
“Yes, I feel lonely with none of my friends really beside me”.
I wanted to scream and shout this and say to all my close friends out there , but what if the scream doesn’t make any difference?

This post is reaching nowhere!!! Winding up!!!

14th year - The Meet was special!!!

I was thinking what to wear, saree ?salwar? It’s after so long years me meeting.....with all...!!! I wanted to look the best....!!
14 years passed after we got of the school……it’s a long time!!! 1997 Batch St. Teresa's Anglo Indian Girls High School!!!

I was so busy at office the whole week.....but Facebook - countdown messages made me feel that day is near...!!
I boarded bus from Bangalore Friday 22nd night...and the bus met with accident... Horrible state!!!
But then I felt before every happiness is achieved - some hard times are there for sure....!!!

I was so excited as the day came.... Got dressed up, grabbed an umbrella and just set off in an auto....
I was thinking will all come dressed up like coming for a wedding? Or simple dressed? In Saree? We didn’t have any dress code…..
Sunday 11 was time - reached around 11:30....at the venue - Malabar Residency...
Receptionist told - its 5th floor – I entered lift..and then the 5th floor came.
Oh God.... !!! spotted Sayana in saree.....Delna and Shumla sitting together - with a table - with lots of papers on the table….
We have a registration desk ?
......shumla gone slim and her chubby cheeks weren’t there ……as she had in school times....
Minnu - I couldn’t recognize her......she was not in my FB frnds list as welll!!! But when she smiled big and rolled her eyes to me - asking - u don’t remember me????????
- yeah!!!! I do remember...you....long hair one -plait two sides.. is now short - and with specs !!!
Rubiyaaaaaa.....I was confused and finally recognized…..
"500rs" - Shumla madam was quick and prompt at it... .:-) Gave it right away….else felt she will snatch it from me….
Filled one registration form - felt like I am filling some admission form :-)
Was thirsty – and at registration desk - welcome drink was there - just had it gulped....!!
Was checking who all came....etc.... meanwhile others started joining in..

Divya CK - no surprise to see her …….as I have seen her twice in blore.... !!!
Then - Shabana, Reshna, Shyma....all started coming in…..
I entered the hall - pushed open the door....spotted - Amritha, Mary priya, Vinaya, Sandhya.....some faces didn’t change at all....
Shirin came with a big cake...Lovlin, Sajani....
In another 15 , 30 minutes…..minutes - all started pouring in!!! Awesome it was !!!!!!!!!

I didn’t expect - that all would feel this much happy on seeing each other....and also that feeling was real - genuine - could actually feel it when we all met.....
just like old times..... all were really happy...... We were just going back to old times...

Our school photo frame was there in the hall - which we started looking at -the change everyone had...and started recalling all names….

Suddenly -one flash clicked from one camera………ooooooooh…..!!!! That’s it!!!!! - All jumped as if this is the first time we seeing or posing for camera!!! 10 clicks from 10 different camera's for same pose!!! and clicking there - here – there……gang of 3, gang of 5...posed for all types of clicks...
Can’t stop to mention - that Delna, Shumla was back at registration desk - still doing their best..... Went and clicked some snaps there as well!!!

Sayana - had tough time stopping girls from doing photo clicks to start the function.... she too got carried away and started posing for clicks...!!!
Shiji called in between – and when sayana said shiji is on call online - we all screamed like hell – so she can hear us !!!!

At last - Registration was done – 26 was the number !!! Some didn’t turn up from the list Sayana had….
We all sat round at the hall –in centre one table was there…..the cake and photo had its place on the table….

Sayana - kicked off the mic by saying some sahithyam words - about this get together....it was so nice to hear that….. !!
She told of friends that couldn’t make it to the function……

Then….
We stood up in silence for our two dear friends Megha and Zabila - who is no more with us.... We remembered them in silence and prayed for them....!!!!

We went ahead with the prayer.... Amritha as usual...!!
"Sarva chara chara shrashtaavam daivamey...sathya sanathaney chaithanyame...."
Amritha - sang it full while we all catched up with her in broken words …

Lovlin took the attendance - she is our yellow badge leader!!! we all acknowledged - "Present Miss", "Present" , "Absent"...
Then we had the introduction session, cake cutting – 14 candles were lit….. the cake was awesome –
We tried to start with 'God bless St.teresa's school....Long may she prosper, long may her children loyal be....." First para itself went down. We couldn't remember it fully... :-(
hmm... Divya CK took the pleasure of cutting the cake into pieces.....
Shirinnnnnnnnnnnnn – yeah fudge was yummy…good choice dear….!!!! By the way I ate 2 pieces !!!

Sayana narrated the stories of how hard she had tried for all of us to make this happen....
I am sure everyone was feeling so happy and so proud of her. This wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t for Sayana!!!

Then we gave away awards to each other….
Early comer to the function, mother of highest kids, beads numbering, lucky person of the day , lean or slim one among us, fattest among us, best dressed for the day….etc lots categories….
In middle of all this…..we talked of Roshni, Priji, Jayashree, Soya, Sabee, Shybi, Diana mathews, Diana thomas, Meenakshi, Namitha, Joker Namitha, Boarding days ......most of them who couldn't make it... all of them somehow came into topic of discussion….

It was getting lunch time ….we postponed the lunch a bit – as photographer arrived…
Sayana asked if we can put photo in local newspaper….. YES!!!!!
Took the group snap – with some of us standing and sitting on chairs….:-)
Shumla was not ready to leave the sitting chair on side..:-) you can see her in the snap!!!
Shirin turned at me - put your hair in front - let all see... !!!
Somehow we all were set - and the photographer clicked it many times – then yes the final one!! DONE.
Just as it was done - I was getting down from chair to the ground - searching my sandals...and wanted to see how the photo came off well or not?
Then noticed a crowd....I was not able to see the guy who took the photo ???
Everyone had surrounded the photo man to see - how the photo has come - .....he was attacked by us all!!! Typical girls!!!
Yeah, we were typical girls - I felt that we had already forgotten our age, that we are working women or housewives or a mother of a kid or a daughter in law…
.....we were just the Xth std typical girls – that “aakrantham” we all had was superb!!! Just like old times grabbing the Tiffin boxes at lunch time….!!!! I loved that!!!

..Then we asked the photographer to take a click - group photo - in each of our camera...... poor guy took a snap in all the camera ......and at the end Shirin's mobile camera too got a chance to click us .. and that turned out to be best shot as per the photo man!!!

Headed for lunch - Soup , Porotta, Fried rice, veg and non veg items - then ice cream and Gulab jamun..!!!Everyone picked food and started having it..!!

I sat with Tina and had lunch, talked lots...- I realized slowly...the bonding is still there - no matter how many years had passed!!! She is still the same and I do care for her in the same way I did years back.......She is friend and family to me as well - I was feeling sad that for so long - why I was out of touch with her? why didn’t I keep in constant touch with her....!!!
Then after lunch - when some started leaving - I felt the same with everyone.....we could have stayed in touch even some time back, a gettogether after 10 years would have been possible....
But better late than never ..14 years!!! Yes - A photo Started it all!!!! Thanks to FB- Mark Zuckerberg Zindabaad!!!

We continued with games in the afternoon - after lunch... some recall names game….etc…
Sumi came –in middle and she sat beside me….she has gone slim changed bit – gone slim…..
She was asked to recall all of our names…. and I am not goofing up – she actually remembered all names – in one say!!! She didn’t take 2 seconds to recall a name!!!!!
Passing the cap was done……Delna grabbed the winner prize… Most of them left the venue as was getting late….
Reeshu joined us with her kids…..around this time…… It was nice to meet her – she was same almost – not much change , cute kids!!!

We were still talking…. some were leaving…some were planning to leave….
Megha’s parents joined us…then…
Felt good they had come…..It was a different feeling….for us….
Had got a box full of chocolates for all of us !!!
Talked for a while, took snaps with them…and then they left …..
To hide back tears and still rejoice in our happiness…I don’t know how aunty and uncle did that….
Can’t write more on how that feels to me…..

It was 5pm – and we were winding up….
Sayana, Delna and Shumla started settling accounts…and it was getting done….
We left the hall…..….entered the lift….. Ground floor first floor, where to get down – after a confusion we all got down at basement….!!
That’s it – done……!!!!

Hmm.. It was slightly raining – I got an auto and headed back home!!!!!

This day is special……. A lot special to me….. and special to whoever came there…and whoever missed……!!!!

You don't have to...

You don’t have to walk with me for we once held hands as one..
but...
Walk with me only if you can give me your hand without a thought...

You don’t have to see me for we met so often in the huge crowd…
but...
Meet me only if you don’t worry of the crowd where we are in..

You don’t have to talk to me, for we talked all long days and nights..
but...
Talk to me only if you feel to share thoughts of us with time...

You don’t have to trust me , for you trusted in me every moment...
but...
Trust me only if you feel your heart is safe always in my hands..

You don’t have to care for me for that's all you did ever in your life..
but...
Care for me only if you still feel, never tired in life to do so…

You don’t have to be with me for you stood with me all along…
but...
Be with me only if you are not embarrassed to be seen with me…

You don’t have to understand me, for your soul always knew me..
but...
Know me only if your soul still can see who the real me I am..

You don’t have to love me , for you loved me once with your heart…
but...
Love me only if you feel love and if that’s what make you selfless..


You don't have to stay with me for we sat on this tree forever..
but...
When leaves shed and you are bored, feel free and happy to fly away...

My Teacher...

I stepped out of my home with fear and tear,
For I wouldn't want to leave the holding hand.
When the bill rings and I take my seat in class
I am happy that you are there for my care.

You taught me how to learn and play together
You showed me light, colours and rainbows.
Be it numbers, words, figures, circles or angles.
You made them all appear interesting to me.

You nurtured in me confidence to live and love,
Taught me how to do things in right and best way.
Gave me wings to fly high, dream and achieve them.
Lead me to be strong and responsible for my deeds.

All my aspirations said I wanted to be like you.
All my questions ended in true answers with you.
I found God in you for you were the strongest
Home away from home, I never missed my mom.

You have got a special gift for learning and sharing
A heart that deeply cares and add love to my life
Everything you bestowed in me, all without selfishness.
Everything you shared with me, made me what I am.

Today I don’t step at school nor hear bells ring,
Still my heart holds all those moments with you.
When I learn something new in everyday life,
I remember you with all the respect and love.

I can write a thousand words in praise of you.
But it wouldn’t be enough to show gratitude that,
How much values you gave to me in my life..
How much value you mean to me in my life..

I love you so much…!!!

I love you with all my heart..
And this will never change..
I love you with all my soul...
And this I know is forever…

You directed me what’s right and wrong…
You prepared me to be strong and brave..
You shared to me whatever was yours..
You embraced me with all love you have..

You proved how to trust, how to keep it…
You pushed me far to overcome the fear..
You taught how to fight against myself…
You showed me the world and its beauty..

You realized me the value of relations..
You taught the need to be sentimental..
You revealed me to cry in pain, stay unhurt.
You helped me weep in whisper and smile..

You are the greatest support in my life....
You are the greatest treasure in my life…
You taught me how to respect myself…
You helped me be what I am today..

Without you I would have been lost..
For I wouldn’t exist then in this world..
You have been the source for my inspiration...
And I always want to be just like you…

I am myself when I am with you..
no pretensions..with no second thoughts....
no complaints... with no arrogance...
Love is filled in my heart coz of you only...
For its you who showed me what it is…

Ever since I was born in you...
I have been a part of you....
I always wanna be like that…
Never far away from you…

Whatever in this world, I am always right beside you…
I love you my mom!!! I love you so much…!!!

I did it right!!

Sometimes life is too short to sit and imagine..
What I did is right or wrong...??

I liked what I did, when I did it, where I did it, whom I did for....the way I did it!!!!!
That’s more for me...to be sure ; yes I did it right...!!!

!!!!

True love is all about expecting beyond deserved, still loving beyond limits..:-):-)

You stand near the shore..

You stand near the shore..all time..
Count on the waves….and think of me..
You stand near the shore..all time
Sketch on the sand…and look at me..
You touched me with your feet..
Tickled smile.... moved far from me..

Tried to scribble , touched you again..
Tried more harder to reach you again..
Tell you to take a deep dive within..
Touch me to feel how deep and vast..
Not enough standing on the shore…..
Come closer to and then know more..

Trust me for I will not hurt you..
To Uncover the secrets I hold within
Trust me for I will not hurt you..
To Uncover the love I hold within

You are afraid for I seem unruly..
You are mystified for I seem grisly..
You stand near the shore..all time..
You can never taste the actual me..

Flags going down....

This is what World cup is all about..
It was clear…the paced play .... the true way of European football…..in the semi’s..
The way a team should play in the semi finals… that’s what Spain showed yesterday…

Deserved win for Spain….
Can’t find words how to praise their midfield and defending , when Germany is in tears…
:-( :-( :-( Hm.... mm... stil trying to get out of that gusty feeling....

History repeated for Germany to get thrown out in the semi’s once more…
Due that Muller was missing the match….??
Or for the Euro champs to stay in the title….??
Six players involved in the 2008 victory played the games..??
The three man - one ball funda that spain adapted…??
Germany’s all the time inability to play well in pressure…??
Or the Octopus was so hungry for the right food….??
Everything seemed to fall in space for the Spain…
They played truly well…and no german strategy or technics could break that….
I find no shame in admitting that…
Bu yes, I wont say germnay didn’t play well….they did the defending, they tried to move on with strikers..
but in vain, nothing got into bloom.... they always lose the game after half time….
And this time it happened too….like all times...



Now , the flags are down, the only hope is to fight for the third place..
Let that history repeat as in 2006…. And I hope Klose can score one or two more..
Its true favourites remain favs all times...no matter what..so I count him still...
may be last match in the world cups for him... this saturday...hm... :-(





The fever is subsiding for me… like for those ..already gone down for other heroes like Brazil and Argentina….
First time in Finals.....I hope Spain fights for the cup well..!!!!! and lift it for sure!!!

ME's

Believe me, forgive, me, trust me, love me, stay with me, care me , respect me, appreciate me, see me, help me, talk to me, miss me, hold me, all of the ME is part of life..

What all ME’s and how much of ME’s is that I need or expect from others...is what I have to be clear!!!!

4 – 0 - was more than what I thought :-)

I had wondered if Joachim Low was the right choice when Klinsmann gave his way…
For Klinsmann was my star in 2006...and can’t stop admitting that I had a crush on him…!!!
The team proved it right yesterday…when the score hit 4-0 with Aussies….
Guess , I wasn’t in any doubts that the match would be in favor…
For the favourite - the golden boot - Klose was on the field…
His 11th goal in world cup career…..no surprises that it was a header..
as he had scored most of them in the same way…
Being his third world cup this time, his experience showed up the way for others in the team too..:-)

You rock.. …Miroslav Klose!!!
Just wanna see you score more… may be a 4 more hits away to break the world record..:-)

hm…i missed Zidane on the grounds this time – and in any other matches other than with Germany , you would see me cheer this season for France..too…!!!


I love to watch world cup – no matter what – remember all those years in my teenage…
having sleepless nights – just to see the match…fights @ home for staying awake late nights!!
This time as its in SA – lucky enough to get some sleep by 2am – and rush to office in the mornings!!
I don’t know when that passion for football swallowed me ....more than cricket..!!
None of the teams were my favourite… each time I used to revolve around players… Maradona, Beckham , Bagio, Baichung , Ronaldo, Zidane.....

But yeah, since 2002 .. I support Germany .. :-)
last time they missed…but this time I am sure….they are gonna lift the cup (fingers crossed)

I know it’s after a long time I am scribbling something, but feeling good , that the trigger had to be from FIFA.

The Dog in the Bus

Lazy Monday morning, the rush to office….. reached the bus stop….
As usual – waiting for the bus number 201D….one came eventually after 5 minutes..
As not much ladies were at the bus stop – I was sure if I board the bus I would get a seat for sure.

I took the 2 steps and got inside the bus…
Guess what…..
A dog inside near the second seat….…. as if ready to travel!!!
I was a bit surprised and got afraid as it looked like a stray dog..
I gave a look to driver, then conductor , both acting normal!!
Cmon how am I to get inside the bus its standing on the way!!
I stared at it, the look on its face told me “I am not going to bite you”
Ok….fine…. I tried to act as if i was not afraid, I crept slowly and it moved and i sat near to it..

The conductor instructed the dog with actions and it got down….Once all ladies boarded, it jumped back to the bus …
Is that his dog!! All boarding the bus were a bit shocked of the scene happening…..
The old lady in the bus started the conversation.. The driver described the scene..
“…it has boarded from JB nagar, and travelled these 10 km to this last stop….now what? The bus is going back, so can drop it to that place…from where it boarded…Its not doing any harm….may be its lost don’t know why it boarded ? so let it be here….”

As the crowd in the bus got more – no place for the dog….!!! At las, made it get down. The driver showed no sign to the dog which was staring at the closed door!!
Bus started….
.. I wondered how it will find its way back to JB nagar…Where it actually wanted to go? What if my doggie was lost like that….. Somewhat felt helpless to help it!!

Monday morning traffic –sucks – seemed to ride a bullock cart!!
Reached the Sony world signal where the bus would halt for more than 20 minutes due to the signals..just three stops passed and bus was jam packed…
After 3 minutes….hard to believe my eyes….The dog is standing near to the bus door…
Now its upto the driver to press the button and open the door!! But cant do that… as the bus is full already….and all women would panic if he steps in!!
I guess it wanted to travel back to Jeevan Bhima nagar….may be that’s its home.
Driver whistled for the conductor and he came!! Hm… tricky situation for the conductor – should we leave the dog here? Or take him back?
He asked the dog to follow him…It silently followed him and made it board another truck that goes to its place...

Good people do exist in this world….I felt happy and my lazy morning washed out!!
Atleast - loved to see something unusual – different from the normal routine!!
And I am sure whoever watched this scene today...in the bus, at the signal would have felt it..!! It was a good Gud morn message…
“Love Animals!! They too are just like us :-)“

Forgetting the Recycle bin…

Some experience in life – if its good we always want them to be cherished. We never forget them.
But some, if it’s a bad one that caused pain, tear, embarrassment or failure – we just want them out of memory.
I often do the same – good memories – relive them at most of the times making life beautiful.
And never never try to think of the bad times that I came across in life…
But I wonder why this ridiculous, stupid, terrible old bad moments come to me at times and make my life out of tune?
Guess I failed to do something…like I forgot to learn something….?

I strive to avoid and run away from the unwanted strain in my life…
I don’t care about those things in life that takes away a smile from me…
I always remember to delete stressful things…and put them all in my bin….
But it’s so true that I keep forgetting this bin of mine..

I stare at the Recycle bin on my computer..…more than 3000 items..:-)
That number counts from Jan 2010 – that is 3000 items for 40 days.??
I wondered then ; I can’t blame my life- for my mind is still carrying some old junk!!
Is up to me if I want to really delete or keep them still in my life…
Restore option in the bin- makes me think – Is this to repair the terrible bad past stuffs and give a thought on it?
Is it kept so – that I can make use of these in my life somewhere in the coming days….
I realize it’s up to me if I want to delete or restore a stuff that’s already there in my bin…

I forget that my mind is a recycle bin – not at times – may be always…
May be I never understand the meaning of this word ‘Recycle’ in my life…

!!

Trying to wear those bangles that are already broken to pieces!!

cluttering mind and muddled words..

What do I write for…??
I write to be in touch to the body and the soul…
Yes , I write whatever is melting inside me…
And in case If seen…is only the smoke…
And the melted doesn’t tastes good…..
Yeah!! I have to struggle more..!!

What do I write for…??
I write to be in touch to the heart and the mind…
Yes, I write whatever is burning inside me…
And in case If seen…..is only the smoke..
And the blaze fire doesn’t show up…
Yeah!! I have to struggle more..!!

[[Thinking of fire, it’s such an unbeatable element in this world…
The fire in which the clay goes hard and the one in wax melts..
Embrace the pain and use this fire to burn it as fuel for the journey…
Or get haunted with the flames and be buried in its fuming rage]]

My first conversation....

I was a bit nervous...yes of course...
I had the intention of getting some papers signed from her and leaving in a while...
Considering the busy schedule a Vice president of an organization would have... I marked only one minute for the job.
After 2 days – I got an appointment….and there I am – today 12 clock noon...at the big cabin...

I got a seat…and she helped in completing the job I went for!!!!Done.
Hey cmon – time to leave dear...A thanks and that’s it….!!!
I was about to lift my butt from the cozy chair...then the conversation began…
Official….talks….regarding life in office…
How am I finding here ? Hows work? What most u like.. any problems u wanna discuss to me or share...
Yes, it was truth - I replied – if somebody asks me how it is , I would rather say m doing great – than saying doing good.
For I am really happy with my job..the place I work in. A resume history....was given on the demand...:-)
Then we moved on to a bit personal....of my family..my stay..life smooth?
I exchanged a HRU question with her…and that’s it...
I shoudn’t make a blah..blah..blah…Neat and clean - ok, Thanks a lot… :-)

Quit from there!!!
Outside the cabin - I thanked her secretary too... and left the floor...

"The senior most person in the organization.. a person whom we rarely see in the cabin…or in office..."Always seemed to me - talking point to point – well that was my previous experiences….
But this was a bit more than what I expected in the meeting...

I admired her, for her looks, for her profile….for the sshttyle...she carries herself....even at this age!!!!
Now I guess – I do it a bit more....the factor added - atleast she knows me now!!!
Maya Vidhya – It was nice talking to you...today!!!

My hobbies changed with you...

I remember me in school days....I had cultivated stamp collection...and picture collections..
2 albums – one for stamp..another for pictures...sticking whatever I felt good.. and I had a good set of encouragers to do so..
I used to love what I do – and I would talk about this as my hobby to all..and each I met...

But in my teens I used to have tough time thinking – what is my hobby yaar.. ?
If hobby is a thing you do in your free time – or something when you are alone- squeeze meeeee.... I never had time left to do things – be whatever called a hobby..
Crowded with people – of all age groups.. and thats it..time just passes by for me...
Freak out..small shopping’s, movies & theatres, cricket , get togethers, jus roaming here and there....cycling, long swims in beaches all added to that...
Well- it’s the age where you actually want to understand the meaning of what is life to be? How to live it excitingly..and never get bored..!!
Yup....!! Involve in all sorts of freaks , ups and downs, all sorts of restrictions , thousands of smiles, imitate my hero, break the rules then scolding and warnings, silly tears...don’t know what all..to list...
I am on top of the world – Teenage is the age that makes you want to feel like that..:-)
Guess free time hobbies – got erased from my life ..reason was obvious..
me being the crown in my friends priority list ....I was actually on top of this world.

Life moves on... Years passed.. Never through these years I had a hobby to name one..
City never slept so early for me – when I was surrounded with my dear and near ones..
But without them, yes.. it goes to snoring loud ..so early at the sunset..
When I sit and think – how to kill time on a weekend, or wht to do today if I am back home early.. .. ?
Wondering have I to type Google 'what to do on free time’ ...?? Do i do that??
Or should I make facebook and orkut as my best buddies...?

Hobbies changed with changing priorities of others...
From a list of 0 – I started making it count till 12, 13..etc..
I don’t want to be a couch potato ....so my hobby list is increasing..with time.. and in the list this blog is on the tops now!!!!!!


Your changing priorities in life ...made me change my hobbies my dear friends...
..(inspired from the lazy post... Priorities... a suggested read)

I feel like that when you are near me..

Happiness is not always heavenly..
It a bliss when its felt deep in the soul..
Where all my real smiles dance in my heart..
I feel like that when you are near me..

Unexpected visits and meetings always creates delight..
It takes away all deep rooted sadness for a while..
Inner self feels filled with bundles of ecstasy..
I feel like that when you are near me..

Special is what I am , I felt in these days..
It takes away all lonesomeness in heart and soul..
Crowded surroundings don’t seem lonely around me..
I feel like that when you are near me..

Clutter disappear and my mind is crystal clear..
It takes away all the uncertainty in the thoughts..
Love is what I experience in this little life of mine..
I feel like that when you are near me..

A friend is a blessing… sent from heavens above..
And when it is you, I am ready for the challenge..
Challenge this world..for not losing you with time..
I feel like that when you are near or far..

Silence – is where I want to go...

Where you are losing the faith...
Give hope and break your death.
Where you are feeling parched...
Give splash and break your thirst.
Where you shed your own blood...
Give peace and break the fight.
Where you survive in the sinister...
Give shine and break the darkness.
Where you long for the soothing...
Give warmth and break your pain.
Where you plead for the mercy...
Give honesty and break prejudice.
Where you stumble as innocent...
Give knowledge and break ignorance.
Where you crawl as odd shadow...
Give name and break the nightfall.
Where you breathe unheard horror...
Give certainty and break your fear.
Where you live ever rising selfish...
Give my love and break your hate.

Yes..This is where I want to go...
And give away all my strength...
Silence is where I want to go...
Scream loud and break all deaf...

(I see & hear & feel - still I fail to give & react to silence )
:-(

!!!!!!!

To forgive you, I tried….tried hard…
Unless I can forget you….I can’t forgive you….
To forget you, I tried….tried a bit..
Unless I do desire , I can’t forget you…

Neither can forget you…nor forgive you…
I stop this dilemma today…now….
Be a bit harsh I may seem to be...
But yes....don't be surprised...
I keep this on the grounds that……

“Forgiving is an act of God!!!
And I shouldn’t try to be like God by forgiving you…!!!”

Are we 2? Or are we 6?

This interesting conversation came up with AR, when was trying to pull out the moody and lazy me to life.....
Yeah- It was being long since we talked either on phone?or thru a mail or a chat…

So when words like “2 of us talking would be boring…” came up…
I just reminded on the The Dark room conversation we had which was unbeatable one and that had made me blog it.

Suddenly from nowhere I know..…. the psycho in me popped up…..and gave its customary shape!!!

“let’s say u and me are talking, here there are only 2.. but actually 6 are there...and this is a fact
And the
1st person - the person whom I think who I am.
2nd person - the person whom U think who I am..
3rd person - the person who I actually is.
4th person - the person whom U think U are...
5th person - the person whom I think who U are..
6th person - the person who U actually is...”

: So we need to now feed all the 6 people ; definitely troublesome!!!
: No worry, here the 3rd and 6th person is always dumb.. so we don’t have to feed them..
:all the other 4 egos need to be fed thoroughly !!!
: 1st person - and 4th person – are deaf... check this… 1st and 4th - is what I think of I ; and what U think of U..rt.?? and these both person feel - there is nothing to change....and no need to hear....; so they tend to remain deaf...
: So in that case only left with the impressing two? Wont our conversations be boring?
:what if the 1st and 4th wishes to hear, and stop being deaf......!!! Then it’s never boring...and that’s where friendship works out...


I don’t know what made me blabber all these…conversations that took the lazy me out of me…for a while..
Seems like times we chat – just becomes memorable to me in some ways…

Give me a break…!!!

“ I think you can solve it for me, consider my proposal….now..” - I said with a serious face and a supposedly seducing smile..
“What… hey I was just trying to say..that…..”
I cut him off…..“In case if you really worried of me, please marry me…I am ok with you in settling my life...”
“ Not bad proposal ,but see, you,,know… hm, well.....I am already married..”
“ That’s ok for me, I can feel your love and concern for me….in getting settled ….– plzzzzzzzz get your wife divorced and accept me”
“ha..ha… ha….”
I felt hitting hard on his face and walking off...that moment… when he showed off his lol..…
I stared at him with the look..…so the question never comes out of his mouth...
Thts it....

Give me a break now..... Why bothered about me so much...
All come in my way – just coz I am still single…??
: hey, you aren’t married…still…
: you have to think of this one seriously…
: hope not hooked with anyone already..
: any issues at home with your boyfriend….
: don’t you feel it’s already late…..
: I bet you have a boyfriend…
: all of us are settled, its next your turn….

I wish if I could run away from these usual dramatic questions of life...
Statements coming out of real concern, and some just for the sake of it...….
ah…..
A good job , perks at the end of the month…having enough to spent on myself…
A home to stay on… Lovingly njoing the life….near and dear ones around…..
My life is not boring or stagnant.. its changing each moment .....What more is required to settle in life..
Or is “Settle in life” = “Married in life”
I think then, I have a different definition to the word SETTLE..
My life was or is not just a fairy tale… … so why prick the thorns into someone – whom I don’t even know..
Even if I need to pierce those to that guy – let it be a little late...
Hm...….

Instead of giving hell lots of explanation…I would want to scream....
“ If all you want me is to settle in life, I guess I am already settled with enough…”

I dedicate this one to those– who still stay single –and would want it...for the drama they need to face each day...

Absence is Absence

Times have changed so much - after you left my life...
Its never never never the same......
How hard I try to convince...
nothing happens...life still stay the same....
do things to make me better…. or say things to persuade
nothing happens...state is still the same
"You are always close 2 me , the feeling still holds... "
whatever be the words - plight stay still the same ..

Lovely it was - when you were around.... and each time I meet you now..
...the time stay lovely as before...and brings me in so much of joy…
ABSENCE IS ABSENCE - it has no other meaning..
And I can’t try to change its sense or scene....

In this heart....it knows...yeah the world is changing….time is moving…..and yes, life is moving.... Still it ticks anticlockwise ssearching for the time that it cherish..

Deep inside – a loneliness is growing its roots and crushing my heartbeats..
A loneliness that never gets filled.... the space left by you my dear....

Not to be forgotten....

The long 3 days weekend..….
I switched on the TV once I opened my eyes…for I didn’t have a plan to get out of my bed….
Yeah, The old movie was playing…
The channel seemed to tell me this “It was not to be forgotten – the reason why Friday is a holiday for you...”
Gandhijayanthi…
The movie on our Father of Nation….I wondered how many times I watched it on Doordarshan when I was young..
The SA train episode, the come back to India, the initial protest...…. salt movement…everything seemed to be perfectly planned in that persons mind…
How can one develop a strategy and be so confident that this is gonna surely work – and make others repeat his word-Ahimsa.
I sat and watched it…...not even bothering to brush my teeth….

May be after getting into my teenage – I always gained more of an interest in watching such movies…
Somewhere deep inside...…I knew….
I admire Bhaghat and Gandhiji – Two contradicting characters in the history of my nation – driving their life to freedom.
Thanks to the one who struggled – for they were the reason why I was born free…in this nation :-)

I had a long weekend – and now hitting hard to start this Monday…....

7 favorite songs….

This one’s for you Rafael- - for the tag you gave me..….

In my list of favorites….I do have Hindi , Malayalam and Tamil songs…(Desi ones)
But here I am jus listing the top seven numbers in English..

1. Bryan Adams – Please forgive me..
2. Bon Jovi – It’s my life
3. Bryan Adams – Everything I do, I do it for you..
4. Backstreet Boys – Quit playing games…
5. Enrique – Hero…
6. Faith Hill - There you'll be(Pearl harbor)
7. Boyzone – Words are all I have..

These ones hit my ears once in a week....for sure..:-)

Hating helplessness…

At times where someone dear to you is struggling...
And you can feel clearly that its utmost pain to them...
Yeah, nothing can help – wait and watch...

At times where someone dear to you is stressed...
And you know the deep rooted reason for the stress...
Yeah, nothing can help – wait and watch...

At times where someone dear to you is frazzled...
And you know what to do to provide the soothe...
Yeah, nothing can help – wait and watch...

At times where someone dear to you is tied...
And you know where to find those chain keys...
Yeah, nothing can help – wait and watch...

Sometimes life is so helpless….And now I feel so helpless...
I feel handcuffed -for the only thing I can do now...
Only thing I can do is - stop worrying of my dear one...
Only thing I can do happens to be the most impossible one...

The typical girl thoughts ....

A 3rd time denial would have been a straight cut to say that 'Get out of my way" ,but yes I was rushing from office to home and wondering if traffic would get me home on time. That was the reason I thought of getting onto it...

First time - I had denied it..saying I was not to that direction....Second time while I was at the bus stop I could see the vehicle getting slow..but I just waved my hands indicating that I am not gonna join...
Daily journey is in the public transport - own bengaloooru bmtc....and yeah my mp3 player and my creative buds helps me strive through the traffic all days...The idea of getting a lift never seemed bad to me if it’s a car I am getting into..But yeah to sit with a guy - whom you just know a bit 'hi-bye' kind of...on the back seat of the bike is not such a relaxed idea....I am so much used to the back seat of a bike since I am ten years old..and I hate the idea of ride with some stranger...it was never a comfy zone for me..be it girl or guy...

I hardly turned or coloured professional relationships into personal taste.....very few in number that had turned into friendships..That explains why I was trying to recall his name - when the bike stopped aside me and the question was just going to shoot at me....It was just a few metres away from my office building and yeah the urgency to reach home sooner made me get onto it...Of course it was embarrassing to hear from him say that he saw me waving a bbye to him on the roads last time and that was the reason for him not to stop... I wanted to say - ‘its not coz I have a problem with you….but I don’t like the idea of it..’ –but I remained shut...
Sometimes it’s hard to be in conversation when u don’t have any topic..but somehow I managed to flow thru - traffic – roads – journeys - harsh auto ridings- drive in rain- office timings – work deadlines – etc… A couple of previous conversations with him had made me feel that he is not a bad guy......I was sitting on the bike holding the back handle making sure the distance..while I would have sat a bit more closer with my hands on the shoulders if the rider was in my close friend’s list.

I remembered when one of my friend AA had told about this...“ sab kudiyaan jaanthi hain ki bike pe kaise betna hai...aur front brake's kaise handle karna hai...tum ladki log sab jaantey hain kiskey saath kaise rehna hai...”

The tries of maintaining the gap between didn’t seem harder, but yeah I thought about AA , It’s very true that a girl knows how to get treaty with a guy....in the way she actually wants...
Reaching in less than half hour...I got down at main road – rather alighting in front of my house – the reason I had to go to travels to cancel and book the bus tickets for vacation savd me... It was a sports bike – I noticed it only when I got down from it as the back seat height was more than the normal ones..:-(
I wished I didn’t …hear that question to answer…
"If you are leaving in the mornings by 8:30 – 9 – you can give me a call okei..."
"let me see…, Thanks" that’s all I could say to him...
Was that to kill the lonely drive he doing all mornings, or was just a friendly approach...to take in..

Thoughts creeped in for a while....A girlish nature of mine never peeps out much –replying in that sort of a way...but I was surprised today – a typical girlish – and her thoughts were giving birth this evening...

Our Evening Meetings

Our Evening Meetings...
That’s what I like to call it now...
It’s really hard to make time to meet my friend - even when I know she is going through tough times of her life...or even I badly wanted to see her...and even when we know yes its being long since we seen each other...
Planning for holidays, waiting for weekends, that is not there between us now...
Today evening - be it for half hour or one hour..that’s it - its today....
And yes office hours doesn’t seems to gets over by 6pm all days...and making time is also a tough job....but yes we made it .....like last time...

Yesterday I was feeling so happy as a friend...
And I know you would be really happy in your life that I am there with you...
You have been an inspiration to me and I had never thought I would one day have to try hard to make u inspired, motivated , lift you up from the pit hole you falling into....
trying to inject inside you all positive energy I had that very moment...
Yesterday when I was with you...sipping that hot tea in the cup …in A2B, and while we were pouring out each other whatever we could... I was listening to my heart....
"Oh God have I made it late.....I shouldn't have waited for weekends, or holidays or half day free time...to meet my friend...."

No wonder all says- If you want it - that’s it - this is it today...it’s just today - it’s just now this moment....do it now..and yes it applies for keeping in touch with friends too....and no excuse turns out to be real excuses for not doing it...


Yes my friend, that’s it - I would very well want our evening meetings..now and then...rather waiting for a time to come for us to meet in leisure...

I never want you to get lost - atleast till I can buy 2 cups of tea to sip on..:-)

You , my special one...

Sometimes a state of happiness is achieved only from the special one...
Happiness that touches the heart..and remains in the soul….
On seeing that someone….On hearing voice of someone...
On being with that someone for some time...
That special person is always born to bring special happiness to you…
They capture your thoughts, able to change them in a second...
Enter into your mind pull away all worries haunting you...
And then you feel so happy inside that rest everything seems worthless…

I feel everyone in this world will have a special someone,
mother, father, bro, sis, friend, wife, husband, daughter ,son..
or sometimes in forms of a relation where a name is unknown..
Agreeing to the verity that happiness of life, is all that matters to living.
Everyone tends to seek it…be it any ways….in any form..
When I set aside all my work, al priorities just for you...
Alas the wait ended when I could meet you after a long span..
When I saw you today….I was exactly feeling only one thing....
You, the one where my soul gets tied up tight in your sight…..
Happiness flowed in me for I was yearning for it...
And yes it was only you who could ever make me feel so happy like that...
and that was really enough for me to make me straight...
For I felt really blessed..and yes really blessed..
That I have found the special someone in you..
The special someone has touched my life long time back...
Still stay as my special friend of this lifetime…forever...

Yet to Learn...

Hard time is when you know a relation is not moving on good...
When you feel within that a friend is not the same anymore...
The one mattered to you once no longer seems so important...
The one you cared so much no longer need you anymore...
There are certain points in life where a relation seize to exist...
And the act of pulling the thread starts… by the two holding it...
When it breaks, it just breaks…yes I know for sure it breaks...
As I had earlier written – on A word called TRUST...
It’s become so hard to define, more than anything in my life...
To actually decide on the point of a relation...the real fact
To continue the unwanted…or just put a full stop to it...
Or still be ready to run behind the one you longed for...
For giving your time and then to never see the finish line..

Tried hard to keep the feeling alive, much more in heart...
Was I all these years trying for it...so to keep it alive.
For those who says love is all about giving and giving...
And nothing more than giving, expecting nothing in return...
I ask them – how long you can do it and how far you can...??
How long you carry a forgiving heart that never gets tired...??.
In a long run everyone will come to know..the real fact..
One can never give anything for free..unless other needs it...
If the value is not recognized –love takes form of the Demand-Supply law
Try for a 99% discount offer, it s never sought-after unless real need.
It’s like striking on the rock to seek reflection in dark...
The rock never shines for you – atleast not...in this lifetime.

Value whatever you have...that gives you happiness...
Value whomever you have... who gives you attention...
Treasure them more..in your heart...and life...
Treasure is they leave beside for you...all times.

She...

In this thunder and lightning...
She stand all drenched...
Without a hope of an umbrella...
Like a small kid left alone...

In this heavy traffic and chaos...
She stand all bothered...
Without a symptom of green signal...
Like a strider in the crowd...

In this cluster of clouds seen..
She stand as odd one out...
Without a warn of wind to sway off..
Like the darkest black to douse..

In this widest and deepest sea..
She stand all fluttered...
Without a sign of ray of light...
Like an isolated lost boat...

In this vivacious world...
She stand all troubled...
Without a wide cheer of smile..
Like a still snap with tears..

In this colourful world...
She stand all searching...
Without a shade of colour...
Like a new baby born blind...

In this mysterious game of love
She stand all the while alive...
Without a beat of heart heard..
Like a soul reborn dead for life..

Did I break the thread…

I was just holding on...
And you just pulled it....
So did I break the thread....?

I will always try to say to clear my part....'that you pulled it, it broke off..'
Question is if I could have left the hold ?
But question here is did it break just coz I was holding on....

How can I win over this and prove? Like any other argument that I win -I cannot win this!!!
Some phenomena in physics - apply 3rd law of Newton - still can I win this argument?
Action - reaction funda? apply some more mathematical calculation of force and distance ? ...( by the way in dilemma what is to be actually proven for the thread is already broken now....??)
I think it's difficult to give an answer to this.....that U or ME responsible?

Sometimes we cant hold anyone responsible for actions that occur....
Finding myself in a situation now, where I cannot blame or point finger to anyone or anything..
Ah!!!! Great !!! Yes I return to the old circle...to take a round.
The same old circle where .... where I tend to turn my mind to certain words like
"God...
Fate...
Destiny...
Happens for good...
Learn from Experience...
Life is like this...
Sadness fly away...on wings of time...
Time shows good and bad...
Move on , this is not the end...
Expect the worst...
That was a sour grape..."
I can spot many more phrases....running in my mind....
When something in life happens that is not actually wished for or something that is not actually wanted....or not expected....Yeah!! I turn to that items list where everyone try to hide in, that list to put a blame on - or may be not blame - but a sort of finding reason to the unreasonable things happening in life.....

Its natural of all do that, but I am just gone nuts today...thinking how long will I stick on to this list...
Every time - something happens out of the ring - Wonderful - I find out way to get out of it - only from repeating and bombarding these things to my brain...
I guess now my surviving brain is also bored of these list...

To write the perfect me….

I am listening to ‘Its only words, and words are all I have...” , from Boyzone…
Yeah, in my teenage – it used to be the most wanted ones in my list...
Of course still is...

Today when I fool around with words to make them look beautiful once written, I wonder...
I wonder...which ones would be the perfect that I can use...to express me...

“In order to write the perfect one I want to...
I understand it’s not easy job...
I should be saturated in words...
I should be drenched in them...
Supposed to be truly immersed...
And me never be dried again...
For then at the moment I need them...
They would and should be dripping from me...
Only those right ones should pour from me...
And then I can say its’ this...
I just wrote the perfect 'sh' ...”

So much dry I feel now...when I try to hum with the boyZ....” Its only words, and words are all I have.......”
I wish to get wet soaked in words.....dive in them...undergo a mammoth wash getting diffused into them and not get dried up...
Yeah, and then only can I ......at least ONCE form a perfect line...to express me..

Appples, cherries or grapes or........??

There's much more in life than being happy for yourself. There's much more one need to think of others at certain point of time in your life...
If your happiness is ultimately that matters to you, then you need to think once more what is lacking in you...for if U r in a state where u think of only Ur happiness, then be sure you are not in the right track of life....
You have come along all this way to this part of your life with smiles on your face , some smiles that you got from Ur near and dear ones....some smiles that you got from people U dont even know..some smiles that was sacrificed for you by others...
Its better to realise all the time, I mean spend some time in Ur life, some minutes in a day, or some hours in a week to think on where is the smile on your face coming from....spend some time to think on have I tried to give back all those smiles to all those from whom I got it ???
In case you have not done it till now, or not doing it still in your life, or doesn't even hold a thought like that, then I feel you are on the wrong track of your life...

When relations really holds much value in this fast careless world, hardly anyone realise the value of things given...the effort and pain took by someone in giving their time and care....the effort and pain took by someone in showing their love and dearness..... There are still some faces near me who dont even realise how to smile back?
If I give 2 apples to you, I expect at least 2 in return - be it 2 apples, 2 mangoes or even 2 oranges...In case if you have forgotten to give back that number or more to anyone who has given those 2 apples just think now..atleast think over if you gave back atleast 2 little sweet red cherries or 2 little grapes making sure if it was sweet ?? or sour??

These words by me is triggered from an external force.... something that I felt deep within for someone close to me who got 2 sour grapes today....
May be a tear fell from my heart today for that.....

I was wondering since that moment 'AM I GIVING APPLES, CHERRIES OR SOUR GRAPES TO ANYONE?'

More and More....

If ever you feel…
I am within you more..
If ever you feel…
I am close 2 you more..
If ever you feel…
I am showing you more..
If ever you feel…
I am surprising you more..
If ever you feel…
I am cheering you more..
If ever you feel…
I am longing you more..
If ever you feel…
I am understanding you more..
If ever you feel…
I am possessing you more..
If ever you feel…..
I am caring you more…
If ever you feel…
I am hugging you more..
If ever you feel…
I am trusting you more..
If ever you feel…
I am adoring you more..
If ever you feel…
I am kissing you more..
If ever you feel…
I am clinging you more..
If ever you feel…
I am loving you more..



For all the things in life..
That I do to you is more...
Just a smile of yours will…do…
To let know what I do is more…
And a smile of mine will promise…
For all I can do is more and more…

I want to live long:-)

Quit smoking, if not smoke in Ur own room, filling Ur room & Ur lungs with toxic tar smoke & stay in there. Please don't pollute the air that I breathe. I want to live long:-)

Sixer hit in a day...

Oh, God!!
What a time I had.....

Three at Koramangala Water Tank Signal, Two at Sony World Signal, One at Eujipura Signal...
He or She... whatever they may be biologicaly hermaphrodites.....Hijida’s...Eunuch...9...50-50's...
I don’t know how to start off this with a name.... A racket of business.... that’s what they are now...

I could see the person sitting on bike pulling 10 rupee note and giving...I wondered what he thought while giving that hard earned money just like that...
Was it due to fear....?? Or some belief??
I experience this all times I travel by auto to office... but this day was heights....

One came and asked me to my right, I just didn’t bother to turn the face...that’s it ....went off!!!

Second - Another in black Salwar...to my left...came and asked.... I nodded my head in a 'NO'. Started making their trademark expressions and gave me signs that I shouldn't say NO.
I stared with great anger.....with a look "Chal Jo bhi gaali dena hain de de tu, abhi yaha par hi de de….......kuthiya/kutha kahi ki/kahi ka"
Was about to touch me with the hand... I remarked "Hogii..."
Thats it... "eeeeehhhhhhhhhhhheeeyyyyyy" one loud noise..... that was again their trademark sound... May be wanted to make me feel afraid...
I kept staring... what you are gonna do? pull me out of auto? grab my bag? I could sense the bikewala next to me on right side was looking at me with great anxiety, even the driver sitting in front of me…..and don’t know who all....
I stared at the figure continuously....which made feel that nothing is gonna work out... then silently went away my side...

Seconds later, third one...another big fat one.....in saree...With hands to me...
If you ask me, yes I felt if there would be a chaos created by their group at the signal coz of me... but I was not feeling afraid.. I wasn’t a bit. I was really surprised at myself.I smiled a bit and nodded my head "NO"... Went away....

The auto driver smiled at me, the bikewala who lost his ten rupees – I don’t know what he was feeling – I could see him relieved ? couldn’t see his real expressions peeping out from his helmet… I smiled at him knowing not what he wanted to read from me or my face... Green signal heading towards Sony World...i didn't expect more....

Encountered two 50-50 over there…and one at the next signal.... all harmless...
The One I met at Sony world– now I don’t think next time would ever come to me for this is the second time I am denying to the request..

When the signal became green I could see one 50-50 – scolding an old beggar…
Territory of their own – the first 3 signals on my way from Madiwala to office :-)

Secret....be it yours or mine??

“How far would you go to protect a secret…”

You are right... “ The Reader…”
Yeah, I am sure everyone who holds a secret in their heart would love this movie..
When RR gave me the file to watch.... I wondered if I would like it....if i would finish the movie inone stretch...

In your lifetime, you would obviously have a secret… be it for yourself… or within the two, or within a group...
The secret - being either your s...or a secret of any other or anything that matters to be kept hidden..
And that secret that you hold deep inside till this moment...how in situations of life...u deal... how hard u try to protect it…:-):-)

The Reader...holds such a secret within, and the movie is so beautifully expressed……
Hanna Schmitz…. Kate has done the role so perfect…
The Kid… Michael, their passionate but secretive affair…(Oh yes, yes… those were really scenes to stare at) :-)
The way the secret is held in the movie…The way the secret is revealed to the Kid…
And how the disclose of the secret within themselves changes both of their lives… :-(
Oh, worth watching..:-) for I felt it showed the essence of how one holds a secret…
The stage in one’s life…of how to respond to such a secret….
How one reacts when a secret is known…. a secret opened up to you…only you…
how one handle it...and how far one can go to protect it from the rest of the world....
The specialty is , the movie has drifted in the exact way it should....everything in plac...I guess, penning it down in words would spoil the movie…Powerful as it is, I would suggest

“ Go..ahead… make some time, Watch The Reader……”

I think I loved it so much, coz yeah I do hold secrets within my life….(Now dont wonder...wht is it... for Who doesn’t hold a secret in their life, nobody here is an open book...??)
After the movie it took me to that world of my secrets… the secret I hold within my heart..
Those unknown truths of my life… secrets of mine, your secret, her secret, his secret, our secret....Oh God!!!
I was counting how many imperative secrets I hold within me...… those secrets which will die with me one day...and get dissolved in this earth as mud and fire..
For once its revealed , its no longer my secret!!
All stays unrevealed…..throughout my life… to the rest of the world…!!!

And if you ask me, how far would I go to protect my most precious secret…..don’t be surprised....
”Yeah , I wouldn’t mind kill or being killed....”

:-)

Somethings there..

Something is there in mind to say to..
Something i want to write it down...
Something i want to scream so my voice gets heard..
But somehow running short of words... or is it that I am not able to speak out for feeling there's no one to hear me.....
Sometimes it gets so harder when you don't have anyone beside you to hear what you want to express..
All is needed a listener for the voice, an observer of the emotions..
Yeah!!!
Response is necessary for any human being.....
A writer expects comments on a book he recently wrote...be good or bad..
Yeah! Everyone needs a response in whatever they do...
But sometimes it is not true..to...an extent....
Sometimes the act of writing or playing around with words is just an expression of inner self......
Expression of inner self......for reasons of their own...in seek of self happiness? In seek of relief? In seek of ....whatever.....!!!!!!!
While penning down this, now i start having a thought, am i writing it down for myself, or for some others to show up or for a little understanding.....
What all is needed for a little life.....to move on...?
Yes , Yes I remember my college days where i used to write lots...so much of scribbles on papers...all for myself.....Writing used to make me happy, may be the word happy is not the correct one..in those times.. i used to write things for myself , as a sign of making me feel free from all those worries...putting down thoughts ; in the shape i wanted to ...Yeah, there are times when i ran short of words, and still do... sometimes helplessly searching for the right word to express it in the same intensity i wanted to..
Yes, there always occurs shortage of words for everyone once in their lifetime..., like I am experiencing now....
Even after writing it down, I get a feeling that this is not what i wanna say... But something more...i wanted to say this more beautifully....
I always thought and felt to an extent writing has helped in times of being lonely.....yes, mainly helped in times of lonely...when i say lonely i dont mean the's no one beside me, or ran short of words, but i ran short of listeners as i needed.....

Now when i sit alone in my room at this 10pm of Sunday night....i tend to recall my life...recall special moments, worst embarrassments, hard times, and all those been through..
Yes, something creeps in, and i felt i have to write in, but plight is worst...I can’t even pen down what i am feeling like at this moment or what i exactly want to write at this moment..
Is it that there is no shortage of words, but something bad is blocking on my throat for the words to come out..???
Hard is a state where you have no one beside to hear what u wanna express, but hardest is when you yourself doesn’t know what is that you want to express...

Going worse, hardly i wrote anything what i wanted to.....

Perfection is Impossible…??

If you feel perfection is impossible, then I guess you never have been in true love..
Once u feel true love… that’s it...
All seems so perfect inside you…outside you…above you… around you..within you…
Some are not so lucky to feel true love in their lifetime...
And some… phew…!!!! They never know they have fallen in love…
And yes the few number of those…
Who touches it like heaven..Yes, it’s then when you attain the unattainable….
Its then when you feel perfect… :-) perfect than any other….

Most words in this world… says;
“Pleasure of love last one moment while pain lasts a lifetime…,Oh why it has to be so…”
And I have heard people saying it…too.. In books I read.. in movies, in lyrics of songs I hear….
Yeah sometimes from my near ones too….!!!
Oh, I wonder what those people think who agrees to this phenomenon…
I find somewhat hard to agree to it….this stuff..(though explaining it is tougher)
Somehow I feel the pleasure lasts a lifetime and once u find love..
And that feeling keeps growing in you...
And when love grows in you.. how come u feel the pain...
I can at least pen it down and say – yeah pain is when you try to kick out the love grown in you...
Or pain is when you feel you still haven’t attained enough...
Happiness is what you feel inside…for once love finds you...
And its up to one’s self how to nurture it and make it yours...

What more is that you need when you have touched true love once in lifetime...
For if once you could try to see love as much more than wantings or havings....