My voice is on my wall, so is yours...!!!

Facebook is on my favorites, most visited, recent history, recently closed tabs... I hope many of us do have the same name on their browser or on their ipad, iphone or so called tablets...

Many of us - just like me - use this to stay in touch with friends, acquaintances, have fun, play games, meet old school friends, make new friends, hunt jobs....and much more... Yes. Orkut, twitter, fb, linkedn all of them for sure helped me in many ways...but is this really working out for me in ways I really want to? Is this really working out for all of us as it should – or is FB controlling our emotions?

Is this blue page slowly painting my relations blue? what if these social sites is in actual driving my relations? Is posting on my friend's wall really giving the same feel as I would give it in person...? Staying in touch with FB is giving me an excuse to call them ? meet them ? maybe even message them or email them? Why do I expect my friends to know my life's action, good news, bad news, my thoughts.....through FB? and why do they have to give an excuse "I posted on FB, u didn't know, u didn't see?"


Is this wall really helping my relations ? Is it there to build or drift us in ways we never knew...? There used to be times where at least a call made sure that we are in touch... but nowadays my voice is on my wall and I hear my friend/family through their likes and comments.
Are you waiting for my smile and tears on the wall?
Will you recognize my voice if I happen to give a call?
Or am I the real Dumbo here- my friends and family do expect a call or a post on FB is enough for them?

Thoughts churning inside me - on how FB is taking relations to new directions….!!!!!
My relation with you grows with the number of posts on ur wall, my likes, my comments... if I stay on your timeline every second does that make me your good close buddy? Are we all starting to judge and measure our relations with the count of likes and comments ?
This blog post is eventually gonna hit on my wall – and yes no shame in admitting that I keep a watch on who likes , # of likes? who comments on this etc…..?
So is this open book really making my social life come into a vertex where there is no escape?

Huh!!!! Is this just another crazy thought running in my head -? Or let me guess...Am I slowly feeling to get bored of fb? Or am I trying to judge this wall? Or is it poking me so much that I need to take break from this blue window ?

For my love… For my dear…

Remembering our good old days….
Fun days at School, Plus two, NSS days,
Our great lifetime Gujarat trip...

Bunking classes...Kavitha theatre...
Baby beach…Sajani’s house out...
Vasuettan pazhampori...18 number bus..
Our coaching classes in tcr...
Train journeys…bus seats one on lap top…
My night stays at Domlur..
Outing in restaurants...
Roaming and window shopping...
Shopping until the night is dark...
Grabbing and hogging food like crazy..
Watching Gandhi class movies like old times..
Little Italy and celebrations...
Those seashell Biriyani and the bottles we collected..
Typical girly talks when there is a threesome...
Searching lost things in room...


Fame aerobics every day...salsa dance and crussover…:-)
Gossiping about all the other things in the world..
Watching those meaningless serials on TV..
The endless list of memories I hold with you..
Beyond words it is...and I don’t need to express this...
For I am so lucky you can hear my silence....!!!

No matter how much old you are ...no worry...just come to me...
I am there to lie to you - “hey...you look beautiful today”

Keeping my Self in your Shelf..

Did you ever had time to see my changes?
How much I changed and why I had to change...
What is that I feel now ,how far I changed...
How can you know me now...feel me now...?
All the while you were busy in your own life!!
Never once you looked at the shelf of yours..
How badly my shape had changed in there..

And now that I got out of your shelf today..
All you can see is the scars I have on me..
Bringing back in the change to stay alive..
Now that I am polishing and adoring me..
Trying to fix the self that got lost in ur shelf..
The selfish you in you just cracked up..huh?
All you can judge me in a word is Selfish!!

Your Birthday...:-)

Your birthday is a special day to me..
For I was born that day again as a sister....


You gave me a chance..
to hold you so close..
to understand the first feeling of care...
to feel trust that can never be broken.
to learn how to punch back in the fights..
to get hurt when you are in pain...
to love you and know that there is no limits...
to know that you are there when I fall..
to show my dark sides and tolerate with it...
to make me feel how much special I am...

You are my precious gift that life gave me...
A treasure….I can never lose with time or age...
Unsaid promises we share...with each other..
Silent whispers that keep our bond together..


With each passing day you are just being loved more.. :-)
With every moment You are a reason to love you more.. :-)

To be in your shoes...and feel the life!!!

"Just a scribble of thoughts on the show today - episode 6"

Sometimes pity them...Sometimes feel discomfort…
Sometimes a sad sight…Sometimes a helping mind….
I can never know the plight of any disabled person….
Unless I am in their shoes…waking every day..
If a day I walk on crutches, spend a day blind or dumb…
Would not be enough to know their true state…
Unless I am in their state...living the life…
Will I ever know what they feel about reactions..

Initiatives are to come from institutions and industries…
The e-learning software company of 250 disabled employees...
That just proved how to make this possible…
Government has to do more in this area – in bringing a rule...or a law..
And that should cover both public and private sector...rather just government institutions…

Writing on this topic - running short of words…
May be my experience in life is holding back my words..

The poll question was a bit embarrassing to me after a thought..
Do we need a poll - if government needs to make disable friendly environment?
Pathetic are we - figuring out – how sooner we need it in 5 years or 10 years?

Hmm.. the Euro cup 2012 – has taken away all my attention , time and energy in spending my thoughts and words on this episode…
Well can’t deny – in the end – I am a self who likes football and when I deal with passion – I put them first in the queue… :-)



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Where there is love..

Where there is love – is there a way out ??

"Just a scribble of thoughts on the show today - episode 5"

Breaking the tradition, Hurting the sentiments, Betraying your religious belief ..
Fed into the heart and heads of whoever is born and brought up in this country...
Even I am one of them....and who still does not have found a way to break this unsaid rule or visible boundaries...!!!

Lucky are those - who fall in love, find their true partner, and their love gets bonus picked to spend a life together..
May be I should not say lucky - the word is Bravo!!! Strong love that just hit the souls enough to cross all boundaries..
Like in the Bollywood - "Duniya hai dushman -Dushman se he ladna"!!!! all those who fight and win – either die or have a happy ending...:-)

I am not expecting any change of this scene - even a bit at all - from the show that was hosted.

It’s easy to put the blame on the tradition, culture and practices we following...
But India is full and rich of those values only…and that tradition is already created boundaries and breaking the wall built over a thousand years is not just easy.
Even though we see a modern India - lies beneath the real truth at every home, every town and every city where metro runs!!

Did the show just poke only the middle class, lower class, not-so educated - tradition minded people...?
Are we seeing only the "sarpanch ka faisla" here? and the show just peeped into that...
Crucifying the Panchayat was the only thing ? huh!!! Can’t you see anything on the television and internet in this modern world?
Community matrimony.com??? didn’t the hell just got bigger with all these...!!
Looks like Mr. Perfectionist didn't have those sites or add come closer to his eyes…
Or you were just so afraid to bring it on - as religion is something that everyone is afraid to touch...?

Didn’t the episode had more to cover – the real values that our country beholds tied with religion , caste as well as family values!!!
May be a highlight on the surrounded issues where killing your own love - in need of love… in middle of roads….
An insight into the crumbling minds of youth – in teenage, in their 20’s – amidst the chain pull process of leading their love to a success..

Naah…. Guess I am deviating the topic….May be the show just dealt with killing in name of love, for love, killing of busted girlfriends or boyfriends...sons, daughters...
That’s it ....nothing more - nothing less...I just have to believe that for now....

All these years in my life – in a middle class family of mine – where these values hold great strength - these boundaries never seemed a boundary.
But when true love is found - across these boundaries – then I guess these just become visible and feels like a chain that has to be broken…!!!

I wonder in such cases "where there is love - is there a way out... or is that true love isn't enough and needs that extra something?"



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When your colour changes...

It all started with this...
I just came...I go green...

I see grey....I know he is offline
I wonder....if invisible mode?

I see green....I know he is available
I guess....chatting with whom?

I see orange....I know he is away
I reason....away for long time?

I see green....I know he is available
I confused...should I ping him?

I see orange....went away again...
I depressed...should’ve pinged!!!

I see him green...available again..
I ponder..let me start with a hi..!!



I see him green... still green...
I think...is he really free?

I see orange....oh idle again..
I guess ...busy in other windows?

I see red...oh busy now..
I shout.....I wanna talk...

I see red...busy still...
I miserable...why so busy?

I see green...ahh..free...
I type...’hey u there ?’

I see grey....what..??
I sigh....there goes ’hey u there ?’

I see grey...still see grey...
I go glum...not interested...?

It all ended....waited for green..
I better go now.....I go grey!!!

Pure white coats - dipped in Red blood!!

"Just a scribble of thoughts on the show today - episode 4"

‘Talwar’ - se Takrar.....the sword is hanging right above my head...
What an episode to prove that authority can never take a decision for people like us...
Mortified of you KK Talwar....you just proved I can never see an action from your side...
We never can expect any healing from you...
“% kehna mushkil hoga....” – what the ‘F’ ... - should I be taking the statistics for you?
You seemed like a 5 year old kid – fumbling for words to justify the question...from Aamir...
I think you would have preferred to have scripted dialogues that would have suited your needs....
Do you need a ten years more to study the situation of the nation and then step on to the action plate...?
Or maybe you can start to take an action once your chair earned you enough bank balance...!!!
A Padma Bhushan in your pocket does not give any damn to me..... rather it makes me ponder whether you know what you need to know of what is MCI?

When thought of writing of the episode – couldn’t help to break out like this...
Made me feel once again....change is possible only through me, through us... only with coming generation....

No one in our society escapes from a doctor or hospital....in their lifetime...
And we can’t stop trusting them - in times of need....in times of emergencies....
“Never hide anything from doctors” – but are they transparent enough to us?
The need for a family doctor.... is become like a must – to – live factor in everyone’s life...
And I got scared – thinking I have only 2 of my friends who are doctors – in my generation. Should I have a doctor friends circle soon?
Have I to be my own savior - by always having a second opinion on any major treatment I am going through...?
I personally have an experience with one of my cousin – where a technician in hospital turned out to act like a doctor and tried to give treatment...
Also the attitude of almost all doctors when they diagnose people above 70 years – like ‘ We have done enough- Old age- Anyway have to die sooner”
Will this ever change.....

The show gave me a shock this time too – where the villagers had to grieve on the uterus removal.... :-(
Whoever did the same looks like forgot that – he/she – came from the same uterus..
And stealing away her own womb, for which she is born for in this world – is the worst anyone can do to her.
Am I really living and breathing the same air..... in such a country?

Can I Say “Enough is enough – All of you doctors be ready to take off your white coats, we are getting you Red ones dipped in blood!!

Initiative of general medicine... is something to look forward... to act upon...
Each one of us at one point will benefit from that for sure... an SMS ‘Y’ for certain this time!!
Atleast half of my retirement money won’t be going on medicines.....!!


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"Just a scribble of thoughts on the show today - episode 3"

Having watched Saturday CL final match and slept late like 4am - somehow managed to wake up at 11.....

My guess turned out to be right this time...
Since last Sunday I was wondering what topic next? that can capture our hearts...that can hit numbers in large...
Dowry issue - nothing other than that....That turned to be the one too....

I don't know - somehow I felt the seriousness just went a little below this time?
The issue discussion somehow went like - "yes yes yes we all know this, society is having this issue", "may be we can try, but this problem is ....."
And about the cutting down prices in marriages, or having simple ritual at own marriage...I wonder how far it would be agreed upon...
Nobody wants to have the so called 'D' day in their life be a dry day... nor any parents of the bride/groom would want to feel they did less for the marriage..
(at least if u ask me, i wouldn't want a too simple one....its a special day... and i should get a little feel of Big Fat Indian wedding)

I liked two of the comment in the show :
"As a woman - I can even give birth to babies, men - you cant even do that..."
"If want to have a big fat wedding, the bride and groom should do it on their expense, not on family expense"

I still have no clue on what path this problem can take for a solution...
Especially in a country like ours -where the word 'Bidhai' comes - for the parents to their daughter - they ought to spend every penny for their daughter.
Is the root grounded firm with our Indian culture?

Strange - but i feel the stories and facts ....makes me wonder - will this issue ever solve?
1) Daughter have to leave her home after marriage... (so y not give her all I have now to my daughter, be it dowry as gold or cash or flat ?)
2) Only her dead body should come out of her sasuraal house...( so y not give her, so she can have a good life with whatever we give)
3) 'Pati Paremeswar' concept - where every girl , and in some states even the bride's father touches the groom's feet!!!
4) Forgive your husband & his family and listen to them - they are you parents, your family now!! (what happened to my parents? (A mom is always a mom, a mother in law can never be my mom)
5) Sath Janam - related stuffs, every other thing related to religions, cultures - makes this word called 'marriage' a big one
6) Most cases parents do think it will be difficult to get a groom- if my daughter becomes over qualified..
7) Plan my son's career and life based on the dowry amount....and put him on the best education
Its all in the mind set - where we are already spoon fed with some things like above,...so hard to change...
Also hardly an open discussion with children and parents comes on marriage expenses....

Is it feasible - that instead of resolving 100 cases, take any one strong tortured case - in dowry related - give punishment to related people...!!
A punishment that you never want in a lifetime.... at least one head gets cut off - for the same - then people may realise...!!
Does it feel too much to CHOP a HEAD in this case? Then here lies the problem - coz some of us still don't feel this as a crime....

You wont believe a conversation I had with one of my colleague.. on why he wants to go Onsite(abroad for work).
"I am planning for marriage in this year...If i go onsite , US of course, at least for 6 months, then my dowry amount will increase by 10 Lakhs, and people will be ready to give a car as well..."
I never heard a better reasoning from anyone for deputation to onsite...it just made me dumb, and left me with no points to argue with him...!!
The fact was then clear to me - its not a problem - no one feels this as a problem.....
Its just like a supply chain market - if you have More Tags attached to you... the More is the price...
So in real aren't the guys carrying a pluck card "Ready for Marriage - Interested in My tags, My price"!!

Pledging not to take dowry, not to give dowry, and moreover not to witness any marriage with dowry system - high hopes and dreams to touch sky!!

But I can do my bit.... I want a man, not a bunch of tags I bought with money!!!
My decision is firm - No giving dowry or taking dowry...!!!


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"Just a scribble of thoughts on the show today - episode 2"


The Sunday alarm woke me up this time at 10am..
Having had an impact with the first episode of it - I felt not to miss..
The topic that got picked out this time is just a strong one.... I would say stronger than first!!

The show followed the same pattern, an intro , statistics, experiences, opinions , what was done over the years ? what action can we do on it?
The introduction was kept to some dialogues as we expected from the perfectionist...
Statistics 53% :- if reported is 53 - it has to be more..isn't it? How many of us - if we were - would still have the dare to say "I was abused sexually when I was a child"
Experience shared :- so daring and brave to come in front of the nation and report it. Hats off to them in having done the same in a country like ours.
What was done over the years :- Felt an unsaid shame that no law has been passed for these ever ; and that oral penetration cannot be considered as a crime? phew..!!!
Action :- fast track to pass the bill - I am in hope - a little hope but not much this time....
Workshop: - Yes it was clear to kids -the idea of body guard is interesting to every one...Every parent has to strive to be one!!
I messaged a 'Y' this time too... A huge movement on corruption had got side tracked ....that bill is in bits and pieces now... I don't now what plight this bill will take in future...
May be my doubt is not the outcome of the action...
I guess I am still unsure if this bill or law will actually resolve the problem or stop an abuser from making a move!!

It does not depend on any law, any country, any rule, any society values...or social status...
The root cause of this is silence...as the show title clearly stated...
And breaking the silence is not so easy....
The natural transition of an innocent soul to a brave soul is just crumbled into pieces - at an age of not knowing how to fix it.
and as said...the real tragedy of life is what dies inside a person while he/she lives...
Whoever gone through this trauma - may never forget or forgive the person for the act....
but when it comes to forgiveness I remember this one recited on Oprah show:
"Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past could have been any different"

I still feel the show may not have impacted or created awareness in all groups...
still there would be many of them out who would sure feel - this will never happen in my family.
The news that come out are related to only children getting abused in schools, sport coaching centers, tuition classes etc....Shocking is when kids or parents who comes out with a case suffer the side effects like one would never had thought!!
Hardly 10% of the cases come out - for an abuser who is inside own family....
So cant blame - there is a natural tendency we all feel - of course cannot be in my family!!! My family and relatives are safe!!

As an elder sister - I remember how cautious I was about my younger sisters - whenever I am with them - taking an extra little care on everything they do, who they are with, where they go, what they talk... keeping on safe side of the road - so no nerveless guy dashes them on purpose, putting them in side seat of the bus...giving money to a auto driver or shopkeeper - making sure no touching on purpose.....and much more...... the list is endless!!!

Its just not up to one child to find his/her bodyguard, its up to all of us to help them find a true one!!!
I feel all the time - the best way is to share our experience to younger ones....
Sharing even the slightest experience one had - like road teasing , poking in crowded bus /trains...
...and discussing with them how we ourselves handled it or how we could have better handled it...
May be in that kind of talks - they get a sense of trust..a bond comes in naturally....and that will make them strong enough to share things to us...

"I can be your bodyguard only if you trust me, so I am ready to share me to build your trust"

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"Just a scribble of thoughts on the show today"

Sunday..Sunday..Sunday...no waking up thinking tomorrow is Monday......
but guess what , I got up at sharp 11...!!
Yeah the Sunday morning wakeup call - didn't want to miss that.
a TV show from the so called perfectionist .. didn’t expect much...I never gave a damn to his crocodile acts!!
I wondered if it just was a celebrity show....something to do with his next film?
But the show just got me glued to the TV....
'Satyamev Jayate' - The episode just gets into one's heart, creeps immediately into the mind..
and it just started bombarding lots of questions in me too...

Yes...the topic was a shameless secret that our country is still holding!!!
The show just kept it simple, brought in statistics, actions...as well..
The darkest act was just not one deed of killing the girl child,
but it gave a shiver in my spine thinking the ripples it gives to us as girls..
This was not new to us, not new to me...the episode gave the cause, the roots of it...
Any magazine or news channel can do this, but I can say this show connected to me!! yeah!!

Went back to my normal Sunday routine, then couched to TV in the evening..
accidentally slipped in with repeat telecast....I watched it again..
Am I going to stay as a potato couch in this case too?
what can I do - I am just a "mango person" the "aam aadhmi" in this country..
I cannot do anything in this case....can I?
hmmm...but yes I still can vote on the same...
Logged into FB, clicked 'Like', shared in my comments, expressed my support!!!
Be it show tactics, or the usual SMS funda's.....in every TV shows....
I didn't care....this time...SMS ed a 'Y' ...

Deep inside a thought came in - I should feel lucky to be born in this country.
I am so glad and I thank my parents, my family for that...they never had a second thought on me....when i was born...!!
and all those ladies and girls..whom i know in my life, my sisters, my friends, my colleagues...yeah guess we need to be lucky our sex is ‘F’ !!!
and....ahh...guess if we are lucky , then we should be glad to be born in this 'Bharat Mata' country !!!

It's too such a short time to judge a show...in the first episode..
Was the topic so catchy to me, being a girl...? anyways was a good one.
And I hope it continues to give me an alarm every Sunday morning!!

'Satyamev Jayate'

If you...

If you are still mad at me – for a wrong thing I did some time back…?
If you still plan to whine all time for the same thing and make me feel bad..?
Then I need to tell u now..
I no longer give a damn to that….!!! No more give a damn to what you think.
If you can’t feel I am sorry, you can never feel my love for you..!!

Stepping to the era of 30's!!

“Happy Birthday” – A wish where you actually feel so happy, and so special…
It’s a moment where everyone you are close with – remembers your day and wishes you – either with a card or mail or call….

In my thirteens to mid-twenties wishes always came in card or posts…
Then it started pouring in sms, orkut, fb wall posts, e-cards, emails….
This time I got loads of writings on my wall….Thanks to FB for being there to remind my friends !!
Whoever expected – called, but some of them didn’t….. I hope they remembered my bday…:-)
Whoever not expected – called, and some of them messaged…I hope they remember next year too..:-)
And there was a load of messages and mails from sbi, airtel, reliance, scullers, max new York, tata , westside, citibank, tech forums… :-)

How these birthday wishes changed with time….is a thought giver!!

The first step into 30’s is never pleasing…. It’s like entering another phase of your life….
When stepping into thirty - yes – everyone might have said this to themselves “I am turning 30!!”
At least all of my close friends (esp girls) had given a sigh about it…:-)
I don’t know about all others… but yes getting into thirties – make me feel a bit bothersome!!
Is it coz I am getting a year older?
Or is it coz another decade of my life is done?
Or entering 30’s is like really a big step where you leave your youth??
Fear of missing the wonderful , youthful days and having an aged feeling??
Was it coz I had an amazing twenties….in my life… and those moments are like best ones!!
Time for being naughty, flirty and dirty just got over?

I celebrated my bday this time at home – with my family and cousins…it was great!!
The day ended with replying to posts – and I am happy more than 50 posts had hit my bday wall!!

Still a thought was hanging inside - I have turned 30 today!! 

The best friends I ever knew!!

The only friend you have, had and will always have..
I think I know who it is.. It’s CHANGE…

Time’s best friend - ( a fictional thought )

No one would dare to make friends with you…
Why would anyone want to get stuck with time…?
I am all the while fighting with you to make a living.
Why should I tolerate your tastes and your dramas..?
Who will stick to you forever and would want to?
You are already so much in love with Change…
You hold on to Change in every tick of yours..
The only best buddy you want to be with …

Your relation with change is so horrifying to me…
And sometimes it acts as the way to happiness..
Your relation with change is so annoying to me..
And sometimes it’s so very soothing too..
It helps me feel new passions, new relations, new aches..
It helps me give new promises, new chances, new pains..
It helps me grow old, grow strong, grow wise..
It helps me see new paths, new sunrise, new life..

I don’t know whether I should be happy that you both are best buddies.
But it’s true your relation with change influence my life a lot..
I don’t think I would ever able to decide why you both are best friends…
But it’s true your relation with change helps me decide my best friends…

When I was born , I was tied to you...
Just like you were tied to Change..

I realize you– that with time - change is a must..
How hard I try – I can never separate you both..
You are the best friends I ever knew!!
If I embrace time, I am holding hands with change too!!!


P.S. - I wanted to express more - but not able to write more on the relation with time and change!! They both share a relation that I can never express in my simple , silly words!!

My first flight and trip to Delhi

After the Great news on my mobile...
there came hell lots of confusions between the US and Mexico – finally decided to go with Mexican Visa…
I had only one thought - back of my mind… chances of refusal or rejection of my dad’s visa if I go with the US one….
I was not ready to take a chance with him...nor ready to get risky…
This is like a biggest gift I can give to my dad…ever…
For all the hard work, efforts, time , my parents had put…so as to put me in this spot light..:-)
I couldn’t take a little risk to lose this chance….couldn’t let him loose this chance…

The application forms, and required documents ….got in hand on time
Filed the application with the travel agents..
God, travel agents SUCKS!!! You can’t rely any of them…
Travel, Visa, consulate rules, Air tickets, transit rules…all goddamn rules – trust me you have to go through it by yourself…
One lesson learnt in this 2 weeks… You just have to do your homework all the time in case of travelling..

The only Mexican embassy in India is New Delhi…
Woooh……My first visit to Delhi….
Yipee…!! So my first flight , the first flight I will board will be from Bangalore to Delhi.:-)
Wanted to book a best one….though it was domestic….Went and hit for Jet airways!!!

Dad reached Saturday Morning on 21st Jan…. Sunday was our journey.
22nd we had plans to visit our relatives house…. Hang out there if possible I wanted to roam around delhi..:-)


Boarded the flight, the experience was good.. Jet serves great breakfast!!
Clouds, I always fancied them… and to see them – right outside my window so close - was unbelievable..
The feeling was like – just break the flight glass- jump out and sleep on the bed of clouds…
Thts the click I managed to get from the window..
Hmmmm….!!!

10am – 7 degree ?? Did I land in Kashmir or what?? It was cold than I expected……
Sunday – a good lunch at aunt’s house, followed by the longest temple ride …the Akshardham one!!!
You gotta see that to believe how long was it – 4pm to 9pm – and I think I could cover half the temple 
It’s an easy place to get lost in the crowd – with no cell fones with us!!

Republic day - parade practice , tightened security…I couldn’t roam anywhere else..
Gosh!! Delhi was just as it should be – Capital city – so great!!!
It’s true - I got that feeling of being in the capital once reaching there…

Hit back after dinner to hotel asoka palace…room # 204!!!
Sound sleep , long day…
Got up early; we both just walked to the embassy….
2 people managing the mexican embassy – terrific, horrible what should I call it??
Poor organized – whatever it is they assured I can collect my passport by 5pm.

We went out – for getting sweets..
Decided not to lunch at the hotel we stayed – price was too much to have for that taste ..
We had two pizza’s from slice of Italy…hm, not so good pizza….Delhi serves!!
Boarded my 2nd flight back to Bangalore… by 8pm… just fell asleep after the dinner…served!!

In the end - A good trip to Delhi – With Mexican visa’s stamped on our passport – Half job done..
Heading to start with the next!! My flight is via Paris…and for staying at airport for 5 hrs I need a visa!!!
Phew!!! - France Airport Transit Visa…for my transit is via Paris!!! Next mission!!!

Jan 6th -The great news over my mobile

The call was scheduled at 7:30pm from the CEO....
Yeah.... it was surprising...and great to be heard...!!!
Unbelievable it was...

THE GXS PRESIDENT award - the ULTIMATE ACHIEVEMENT in GXS ; this one is the top one anyone can get here.......!!!

President's award is given every year....selecting the top layer of cream....
I am one of them for this year... Being honored for my valuable contributions to GXS in 2011 for exhibiting great GXS values..!!!
Across the globe - from GXS - I am one among the luckiest 10...I am the only one from India, from GXS -Bangalore office...:-)


The CEO call was about 3 minutes and was informed that I would become member for President's club 2011 and I can travel to Mexico to attend the President's club meeting to receive the award..that falls in Feb mid week. Moreover I can take one guest/friend/family with me for the president's club meeting.. I thanked Bob for making time for the personal call and informing me the great news...

With that call ending...I didn't know what to say to myself...Couldn't react anything much and I kept staring at my mobile - he just called me in person ......ooohhh.....!!!!

Hey, do i deserve this? Cmon....no second thoughts now - I do deserve it...
out of 3000 if i fall in top 10...why should i think I deserve it in real..??
Yeah, I am one of them!!!

Called up home, called up manager - thanked him for nominating me...emailed big boss, told to my close friends......over the weekend...:-)
Oh, God - this is so much of a reward for my hard work...:-) what a start to 2012..

The next week registration mail came for the event... That took my breath away!!!
Feb 12th to Feb 16th - A series of event lined up for my award...:-) A relaxation - vacation package..at the resort...in Mexico...clubbed with GXS functions..

I need to get my visa, tickets, lots of things pending and time is so less..
Yeah, decided that my dad is gonna accompany me to Grand Velas Riviera Maya, at Cancun-Mexico....

My first project in this new year 2012 turns out to be "My Award Journey to Mexico"
Start Date : Jan 6th 2012
In progress : First phase - Gathering requirements...:-)

Back to the same shade....!!!

I didn't want to write anything on this...!!!!
but my earlier post - explains it....
..hmmm....

hating helplessness

I hate this..... getting into this state...!!!!!!!!!!
Grrrr...!!!!!!!

Expectations Fulfilled.....

The pressure in a relation to meet the expectation of the other…
Is that the most challenging part….?
Needless to say that everyone wants the same...
It doesn’t matter if you are an all time “Meets expectation” of another...
At some point you will fall short of any one’s expectation, any one’s feelings, any one’s trust...
A time is there, may be you can’t do it or hold it for long...
But that doesn’t mean you are not capable of it…And that doesn’t mean that you are not fit for a relation...

My dear, just need to give a second thought and see what you are..
If you feel that you are falling short of one’s feelings…and you know that you can hurt them coz of that..
And knowing that you tried and couldn’t make it out the best....but still know how the other feels..
Guess that’s it - Be happy that you understand the emotions of the other..
Yeah, just be happy you tried..The thing that only matters is that you tried...
You know you haven’t come short of the expectation of who you are..

Fill your bucket first – never fall short of being what you are..
My expectations of what I am from me – that’s what is I need to fulfill!!!!!
In the end its just about being happy of who you are….:-)

Diwali....Deepavali....

One more Deepavali is getting over in viewing the lights i ncrackers

Those long night calls we do !!!

A long conversation whatever it may be...
When it’s done between you and me who love to talk..
And words flow like as if no shortage to express..
When we don’t have to search for a topic...
Laughing at things that hold no point...
Simply arguing silly with each other...
Holding onto one's self...showing stubbornness..
Saying how much the relation values to each other...
And feeling that this crazy talks bind us...
Before saying bye, I wish if I couldn’t end...
And just keep on talking the whole time!!
When everything I say can only be heard...
And I can't see the dear one I am talking to...
So far across the distance we are…
I realize the truth....between you and me..
I am on my cell phone ....
Oh, I need to pay these mobile bills..!!!

Scream to make a difference?

It is natural for one person in love to feel that nothing more than me in this world will ever matters to the person I love.
It is natural for a person having a best friend to feel that no matter what happens, my friend is always there for me ...

These thoughts and feelings have no reason for themselves....
We feel that - for we want to feel that way - that's what makes us happy!!
But in real - these feelings have no meaning...at all..!!!
Feelings change , so is people, so is friends, so is love!!!

Sometimes it is just not enough to know that the person we love is beside us...
Its required to have it make it feel somehow - that they are really there!!!

Sometimes it is just not enough to hear from the other that they haven't changed..
Its required to have to make it feel that same thoughts still persists!!!

It is so hard to experience the change a relation goes through in different times....It may become strong or weak with time, but the best times never come again...
It is so hard to adjust with changing time, changing relations, changing feelings, changing reactions, changing words....on top of all changing eyes!!!

It’s true that friends try to be in touch - but it’s actually so hard to be in touch (in presence) after having their own priorities and responsibilities in life....
Still, heart wishes that old times come over, any time call, any time talks, any time see....anytime ,anywhere...!!!

I was in a phase of my life, where i wanted my best loved ones or friends to be side of me....
It came to realization soon - that no matter how deep rooted a relation or love is, there are times where life's priorities take over the value of relations..
Having not felt the presence of my friends, I felt sad...
but then later i felt - sometimes it wouldn't have made any difference if they were somewhere nearby. All would be busy in their own things...
Now it’s like used to not having one beside - when in actual need...(emotional support being by side is what everyone wants)

Why is it so hard to be the same way as we were one day? Is it because change is a rule of nature and all of us are forced to change in some way or the other...
I don't know....why I am so emotional nowadays... and still hard to express it.

Yes, I am finding hard to say it to the world –
“Yes, I feel lonely with none of my friends really beside me”.
I wanted to scream and shout this and say to all my close friends out there , but what if the scream doesn’t make any difference?

This post is reaching nowhere!!! Winding up!!!

14th year - The Meet was special!!!

I was thinking what to wear, saree ?salwar? It’s after so long years me meeting.....with all...!!! I wanted to look the best....!!
14 years passed after we got of the school……it’s a long time!!! 1997 Batch St. Teresa's Anglo Indian Girls High School!!!

I was so busy at office the whole week.....but Facebook - countdown messages made me feel that day is near...!!
I boarded bus from Bangalore Friday 22nd night...and the bus met with accident... Horrible state!!!
But then I felt before every happiness is achieved - some hard times are there for sure....!!!

I was so excited as the day came.... Got dressed up, grabbed an umbrella and just set off in an auto....
I was thinking will all come dressed up like coming for a wedding? Or simple dressed? In Saree? We didn’t have any dress code…..
Sunday 11 was time - reached around 11:30....at the venue - Malabar Residency...
Receptionist told - its 5th floor – I entered lift..and then the 5th floor came.
Oh God.... !!! spotted Sayana in saree.....Delna and Shumla sitting together - with a table - with lots of papers on the table….
We have a registration desk ?
......shumla gone slim and her chubby cheeks weren’t there ……as she had in school times....
Minnu - I couldn’t recognize her......she was not in my FB frnds list as welll!!! But when she smiled big and rolled her eyes to me - asking - u don’t remember me????????
- yeah!!!! I do remember...you....long hair one -plait two sides.. is now short - and with specs !!!
Rubiyaaaaaa.....I was confused and finally recognized…..
"500rs" - Shumla madam was quick and prompt at it... .:-) Gave it right away….else felt she will snatch it from me….
Filled one registration form - felt like I am filling some admission form :-)
Was thirsty – and at registration desk - welcome drink was there - just had it gulped....!!
Was checking who all came....etc.... meanwhile others started joining in..

Divya CK - no surprise to see her …….as I have seen her twice in blore.... !!!
Then - Shabana, Reshna, Shyma....all started coming in…..
I entered the hall - pushed open the door....spotted - Amritha, Mary priya, Vinaya, Sandhya.....some faces didn’t change at all....
Shirin came with a big cake...Lovlin, Sajani....
In another 15 , 30 minutes…..minutes - all started pouring in!!! Awesome it was !!!!!!!!!

I didn’t expect - that all would feel this much happy on seeing each other....and also that feeling was real - genuine - could actually feel it when we all met.....
just like old times..... all were really happy...... We were just going back to old times...

Our school photo frame was there in the hall - which we started looking at -the change everyone had...and started recalling all names….

Suddenly -one flash clicked from one camera………ooooooooh…..!!!! That’s it!!!!! - All jumped as if this is the first time we seeing or posing for camera!!! 10 clicks from 10 different camera's for same pose!!! and clicking there - here – there……gang of 3, gang of 5...posed for all types of clicks...
Can’t stop to mention - that Delna, Shumla was back at registration desk - still doing their best..... Went and clicked some snaps there as well!!!

Sayana - had tough time stopping girls from doing photo clicks to start the function.... she too got carried away and started posing for clicks...!!!
Shiji called in between – and when sayana said shiji is on call online - we all screamed like hell – so she can hear us !!!!

At last - Registration was done – 26 was the number !!! Some didn’t turn up from the list Sayana had….
We all sat round at the hall –in centre one table was there…..the cake and photo had its place on the table….

Sayana - kicked off the mic by saying some sahithyam words - about this get together....it was so nice to hear that….. !!
She told of friends that couldn’t make it to the function……

Then….
We stood up in silence for our two dear friends Megha and Zabila - who is no more with us.... We remembered them in silence and prayed for them....!!!!

We went ahead with the prayer.... Amritha as usual...!!
"Sarva chara chara shrashtaavam daivamey...sathya sanathaney chaithanyame...."
Amritha - sang it full while we all catched up with her in broken words …

Lovlin took the attendance - she is our yellow badge leader!!! we all acknowledged - "Present Miss", "Present" , "Absent"...
Then we had the introduction session, cake cutting – 14 candles were lit….. the cake was awesome –
We tried to start with 'God bless St.teresa's school....Long may she prosper, long may her children loyal be....." First para itself went down. We couldn't remember it fully... :-(
hmm... Divya CK took the pleasure of cutting the cake into pieces.....
Shirinnnnnnnnnnnnn – yeah fudge was yummy…good choice dear….!!!! By the way I ate 2 pieces !!!

Sayana narrated the stories of how hard she had tried for all of us to make this happen....
I am sure everyone was feeling so happy and so proud of her. This wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t for Sayana!!!

Then we gave away awards to each other….
Early comer to the function, mother of highest kids, beads numbering, lucky person of the day , lean or slim one among us, fattest among us, best dressed for the day….etc lots categories….
In middle of all this…..we talked of Roshni, Priji, Jayashree, Soya, Sabee, Shybi, Diana mathews, Diana thomas, Meenakshi, Namitha, Joker Namitha, Boarding days ......most of them who couldn't make it... all of them somehow came into topic of discussion….

It was getting lunch time ….we postponed the lunch a bit – as photographer arrived…
Sayana asked if we can put photo in local newspaper….. YES!!!!!
Took the group snap – with some of us standing and sitting on chairs….:-)
Shumla was not ready to leave the sitting chair on side..:-) you can see her in the snap!!!
Shirin turned at me - put your hair in front - let all see... !!!
Somehow we all were set - and the photographer clicked it many times – then yes the final one!! DONE.
Just as it was done - I was getting down from chair to the ground - searching my sandals...and wanted to see how the photo came off well or not?
Then noticed a crowd....I was not able to see the guy who took the photo ???
Everyone had surrounded the photo man to see - how the photo has come - .....he was attacked by us all!!! Typical girls!!!
Yeah, we were typical girls - I felt that we had already forgotten our age, that we are working women or housewives or a mother of a kid or a daughter in law…
.....we were just the Xth std typical girls – that “aakrantham” we all had was superb!!! Just like old times grabbing the Tiffin boxes at lunch time….!!!! I loved that!!!

..Then we asked the photographer to take a click - group photo - in each of our camera...... poor guy took a snap in all the camera ......and at the end Shirin's mobile camera too got a chance to click us .. and that turned out to be best shot as per the photo man!!!

Headed for lunch - Soup , Porotta, Fried rice, veg and non veg items - then ice cream and Gulab jamun..!!!Everyone picked food and started having it..!!

I sat with Tina and had lunch, talked lots...- I realized slowly...the bonding is still there - no matter how many years had passed!!! She is still the same and I do care for her in the same way I did years back.......She is friend and family to me as well - I was feeling sad that for so long - why I was out of touch with her? why didn’t I keep in constant touch with her....!!!
Then after lunch - when some started leaving - I felt the same with everyone.....we could have stayed in touch even some time back, a gettogether after 10 years would have been possible....
But better late than never ..14 years!!! Yes - A photo Started it all!!!! Thanks to FB- Mark Zuckerberg Zindabaad!!!

We continued with games in the afternoon - after lunch... some recall names game….etc…
Sumi came –in middle and she sat beside me….she has gone slim changed bit – gone slim…..
She was asked to recall all of our names…. and I am not goofing up – she actually remembered all names – in one say!!! She didn’t take 2 seconds to recall a name!!!!!
Passing the cap was done……Delna grabbed the winner prize… Most of them left the venue as was getting late….
Reeshu joined us with her kids…..around this time…… It was nice to meet her – she was same almost – not much change , cute kids!!!

We were still talking…. some were leaving…some were planning to leave….
Megha’s parents joined us…then…
Felt good they had come…..It was a different feeling….for us….
Had got a box full of chocolates for all of us !!!
Talked for a while, took snaps with them…and then they left …..
To hide back tears and still rejoice in our happiness…I don’t know how aunty and uncle did that….
Can’t write more on how that feels to me…..

It was 5pm – and we were winding up….
Sayana, Delna and Shumla started settling accounts…and it was getting done….
We left the hall…..….entered the lift….. Ground floor first floor, where to get down – after a confusion we all got down at basement….!!
That’s it – done……!!!!

Hmm.. It was slightly raining – I got an auto and headed back home!!!!!

This day is special……. A lot special to me….. and special to whoever came there…and whoever missed……!!!!

You don't have to...

You don’t have to walk with me for we once held hands as one..
but...
Walk with me only if you can give me your hand without a thought...

You don’t have to see me for we met so often in the huge crowd…
but...
Meet me only if you don’t worry of the crowd where we are in..

You don’t have to talk to me, for we talked all long days and nights..
but...
Talk to me only if you feel to share thoughts of us with time...

You don’t have to trust me , for you trusted in me every moment...
but...
Trust me only if you feel your heart is safe always in my hands..

You don’t have to care for me for that's all you did ever in your life..
but...
Care for me only if you still feel, never tired in life to do so…

You don’t have to be with me for you stood with me all along…
but...
Be with me only if you are not embarrassed to be seen with me…

You don’t have to understand me, for your soul always knew me..
but...
Know me only if your soul still can see who the real me I am..

You don’t have to love me , for you loved me once with your heart…
but...
Love me only if you feel love and if that’s what make you selfless..


You don't have to stay with me for we sat on this tree forever..
but...
When leaves shed and you are bored, feel free and happy to fly away...

My Teacher...

I stepped out of my home with fear and tear,
For I wouldn't want to leave the holding hand.
When the bill rings and I take my seat in class
I am happy that you are there for my care.

You taught me how to learn and play together
You showed me light, colours and rainbows.
Be it numbers, words, figures, circles or angles.
You made them all appear interesting to me.

You nurtured in me confidence to live and love,
Taught me how to do things in right and best way.
Gave me wings to fly high, dream and achieve them.
Lead me to be strong and responsible for my deeds.

All my aspirations said I wanted to be like you.
All my questions ended in true answers with you.
I found God in you for you were the strongest
Home away from home, I never missed my mom.

You have got a special gift for learning and sharing
A heart that deeply cares and add love to my life
Everything you bestowed in me, all without selfishness.
Everything you shared with me, made me what I am.

Today I don’t step at school nor hear bells ring,
Still my heart holds all those moments with you.
When I learn something new in everyday life,
I remember you with all the respect and love.

I can write a thousand words in praise of you.
But it wouldn’t be enough to show gratitude that,
How much values you gave to me in my life..
How much value you mean to me in my life..

I love you so much…!!!

I love you with all my heart..
And this will never change..
I love you with all my soul...
And this I know is forever…

You directed me what’s right and wrong…
You prepared me to be strong and brave..
You shared to me whatever was yours..
You embraced me with all love you have..

You proved how to trust, how to keep it…
You pushed me far to overcome the fear..
You taught how to fight against myself…
You showed me the world and its beauty..

You realized me the value of relations..
You taught the need to be sentimental..
You revealed me to cry in pain, stay unhurt.
You helped me weep in whisper and smile..

You are the greatest support in my life....
You are the greatest treasure in my life…
You taught me how to respect myself…
You helped me be what I am today..

Without you I would have been lost..
For I wouldn’t exist then in this world..
You have been the source for my inspiration...
And I always want to be just like you…

I am myself when I am with you..
no pretensions..with no second thoughts....
no complaints... with no arrogance...
Love is filled in my heart coz of you only...
For its you who showed me what it is…

Ever since I was born in you...
I have been a part of you....
I always wanna be like that…
Never far away from you…

Whatever in this world, I am always right beside you…
I love you my mom!!! I love you so much…!!!

I did it right!!

Sometimes life is too short to sit and imagine..
What I did is right or wrong...??

I liked what I did, when I did it, where I did it, whom I did for....the way I did it!!!!!
That’s more for me...to be sure ; yes I did it right...!!!

!!!!

True love is all about expecting beyond deserved, still loving beyond limits..:-):-)

You stand near the shore..

You stand near the shore..all time..
Count on the waves….and think of me..
You stand near the shore..all time
Sketch on the sand…and look at me..
You touched me with your feet..
Tickled smile.... moved far from me..

Tried to scribble , touched you again..
Tried more harder to reach you again..
Tell you to take a deep dive within..
Touch me to feel how deep and vast..
Not enough standing on the shore…..
Come closer to and then know more..

Trust me for I will not hurt you..
To Uncover the secrets I hold within
Trust me for I will not hurt you..
To Uncover the love I hold within

You are afraid for I seem unruly..
You are mystified for I seem grisly..
You stand near the shore..all time..
You can never taste the actual me..

Flags going down....

This is what World cup is all about..
It was clear…the paced play .... the true way of European football…..in the semi’s..
The way a team should play in the semi finals… that’s what Spain showed yesterday…

Deserved win for Spain….
Can’t find words how to praise their midfield and defending , when Germany is in tears…
:-( :-( :-( Hm.... mm... stil trying to get out of that gusty feeling....

History repeated for Germany to get thrown out in the semi’s once more…
Due that Muller was missing the match….??
Or for the Euro champs to stay in the title….??
Six players involved in the 2008 victory played the games..??
The three man - one ball funda that spain adapted…??
Germany’s all the time inability to play well in pressure…??
Or the Octopus was so hungry for the right food….??
Everything seemed to fall in space for the Spain…
They played truly well…and no german strategy or technics could break that….
I find no shame in admitting that…
Bu yes, I wont say germnay didn’t play well….they did the defending, they tried to move on with strikers..
but in vain, nothing got into bloom.... they always lose the game after half time….
And this time it happened too….like all times...



Now , the flags are down, the only hope is to fight for the third place..
Let that history repeat as in 2006…. And I hope Klose can score one or two more..
Its true favourites remain favs all times...no matter what..so I count him still...
may be last match in the world cups for him... this saturday...hm... :-(





The fever is subsiding for me… like for those ..already gone down for other heroes like Brazil and Argentina….
First time in Finals.....I hope Spain fights for the cup well..!!!!! and lift it for sure!!!

ME's

Believe me, forgive, me, trust me, love me, stay with me, care me , respect me, appreciate me, see me, help me, talk to me, miss me, hold me, all of the ME is part of life..

What all ME’s and how much of ME’s is that I need or expect from others...is what I have to be clear!!!!

4 – 0 - was more than what I thought :-)

I had wondered if Joachim Low was the right choice when Klinsmann gave his way…
For Klinsmann was my star in 2006...and can’t stop admitting that I had a crush on him…!!!
The team proved it right yesterday…when the score hit 4-0 with Aussies….
Guess , I wasn’t in any doubts that the match would be in favor…
For the favourite - the golden boot - Klose was on the field…
His 11th goal in world cup career…..no surprises that it was a header..
as he had scored most of them in the same way…
Being his third world cup this time, his experience showed up the way for others in the team too..:-)

You rock.. …Miroslav Klose!!!
Just wanna see you score more… may be a 4 more hits away to break the world record..:-)

hm…i missed Zidane on the grounds this time – and in any other matches other than with Germany , you would see me cheer this season for France..too…!!!


I love to watch world cup – no matter what – remember all those years in my teenage…
having sleepless nights – just to see the match…fights @ home for staying awake late nights!!
This time as its in SA – lucky enough to get some sleep by 2am – and rush to office in the mornings!!
I don’t know when that passion for football swallowed me ....more than cricket..!!
None of the teams were my favourite… each time I used to revolve around players… Maradona, Beckham , Bagio, Baichung , Ronaldo, Zidane.....

But yeah, since 2002 .. I support Germany .. :-)
last time they missed…but this time I am sure….they are gonna lift the cup (fingers crossed)

I know it’s after a long time I am scribbling something, but feeling good , that the trigger had to be from FIFA.

The Dog in the Bus

Lazy Monday morning, the rush to office….. reached the bus stop….
As usual – waiting for the bus number 201D….one came eventually after 5 minutes..
As not much ladies were at the bus stop – I was sure if I board the bus I would get a seat for sure.

I took the 2 steps and got inside the bus…
Guess what…..
A dog inside near the second seat….…. as if ready to travel!!!
I was a bit surprised and got afraid as it looked like a stray dog..
I gave a look to driver, then conductor , both acting normal!!
Cmon how am I to get inside the bus its standing on the way!!
I stared at it, the look on its face told me “I am not going to bite you”
Ok….fine…. I tried to act as if i was not afraid, I crept slowly and it moved and i sat near to it..

The conductor instructed the dog with actions and it got down….Once all ladies boarded, it jumped back to the bus …
Is that his dog!! All boarding the bus were a bit shocked of the scene happening…..
The old lady in the bus started the conversation.. The driver described the scene..
“…it has boarded from JB nagar, and travelled these 10 km to this last stop….now what? The bus is going back, so can drop it to that place…from where it boarded…Its not doing any harm….may be its lost don’t know why it boarded ? so let it be here….”

As the crowd in the bus got more – no place for the dog….!!! At las, made it get down. The driver showed no sign to the dog which was staring at the closed door!!
Bus started….
.. I wondered how it will find its way back to JB nagar…Where it actually wanted to go? What if my doggie was lost like that….. Somewhat felt helpless to help it!!

Monday morning traffic –sucks – seemed to ride a bullock cart!!
Reached the Sony world signal where the bus would halt for more than 20 minutes due to the signals..just three stops passed and bus was jam packed…
After 3 minutes….hard to believe my eyes….The dog is standing near to the bus door…
Now its upto the driver to press the button and open the door!! But cant do that… as the bus is full already….and all women would panic if he steps in!!
I guess it wanted to travel back to Jeevan Bhima nagar….may be that’s its home.
Driver whistled for the conductor and he came!! Hm… tricky situation for the conductor – should we leave the dog here? Or take him back?
He asked the dog to follow him…It silently followed him and made it board another truck that goes to its place...

Good people do exist in this world….I felt happy and my lazy morning washed out!!
Atleast - loved to see something unusual – different from the normal routine!!
And I am sure whoever watched this scene today...in the bus, at the signal would have felt it..!! It was a good Gud morn message…
“Love Animals!! They too are just like us :-)“

Forgetting the Recycle bin…

Some experience in life – if its good we always want them to be cherished. We never forget them.
But some, if it’s a bad one that caused pain, tear, embarrassment or failure – we just want them out of memory.
I often do the same – good memories – relive them at most of the times making life beautiful.
And never never try to think of the bad times that I came across in life…
But I wonder why this ridiculous, stupid, terrible old bad moments come to me at times and make my life out of tune?
Guess I failed to do something…like I forgot to learn something….?

I strive to avoid and run away from the unwanted strain in my life…
I don’t care about those things in life that takes away a smile from me…
I always remember to delete stressful things…and put them all in my bin….
But it’s so true that I keep forgetting this bin of mine..

I stare at the Recycle bin on my computer..…more than 3000 items..:-)
That number counts from Jan 2010 – that is 3000 items for 40 days.??
I wondered then ; I can’t blame my life- for my mind is still carrying some old junk!!
Is up to me if I want to really delete or keep them still in my life…
Restore option in the bin- makes me think – Is this to repair the terrible bad past stuffs and give a thought on it?
Is it kept so – that I can make use of these in my life somewhere in the coming days….
I realize it’s up to me if I want to delete or restore a stuff that’s already there in my bin…

I forget that my mind is a recycle bin – not at times – may be always…
May be I never understand the meaning of this word ‘Recycle’ in my life…

!!

Trying to wear those bangles that are already broken to pieces!!

cluttering mind and muddled words..

What do I write for…??
I write to be in touch to the body and the soul…
Yes , I write whatever is melting inside me…
And in case If seen…is only the smoke…
And the melted doesn’t tastes good…..
Yeah!! I have to struggle more..!!

What do I write for…??
I write to be in touch to the heart and the mind…
Yes, I write whatever is burning inside me…
And in case If seen…..is only the smoke..
And the blaze fire doesn’t show up…
Yeah!! I have to struggle more..!!

[[Thinking of fire, it’s such an unbeatable element in this world…
The fire in which the clay goes hard and the one in wax melts..
Embrace the pain and use this fire to burn it as fuel for the journey…
Or get haunted with the flames and be buried in its fuming rage]]

My first conversation....

I was a bit nervous...yes of course...
I had the intention of getting some papers signed from her and leaving in a while...
Considering the busy schedule a Vice president of an organization would have... I marked only one minute for the job.
After 2 days – I got an appointment….and there I am – today 12 clock noon...at the big cabin...

I got a seat…and she helped in completing the job I went for!!!!Done.
Hey cmon – time to leave dear...A thanks and that’s it….!!!
I was about to lift my butt from the cozy chair...then the conversation began…
Official….talks….regarding life in office…
How am I finding here ? Hows work? What most u like.. any problems u wanna discuss to me or share...
Yes, it was truth - I replied – if somebody asks me how it is , I would rather say m doing great – than saying doing good.
For I am really happy with my job..the place I work in. A resume history....was given on the demand...:-)
Then we moved on to a bit personal....of my family..my stay..life smooth?
I exchanged a HRU question with her…and that’s it...
I shoudn’t make a blah..blah..blah…Neat and clean - ok, Thanks a lot… :-)

Quit from there!!!
Outside the cabin - I thanked her secretary too... and left the floor...

"The senior most person in the organization.. a person whom we rarely see in the cabin…or in office..."Always seemed to me - talking point to point – well that was my previous experiences….
But this was a bit more than what I expected in the meeting...

I admired her, for her looks, for her profile….for the sshttyle...she carries herself....even at this age!!!!
Now I guess – I do it a bit more....the factor added - atleast she knows me now!!!
Maya Vidhya – It was nice talking to you...today!!!

My hobbies changed with you...

I remember me in school days....I had cultivated stamp collection...and picture collections..
2 albums – one for stamp..another for pictures...sticking whatever I felt good.. and I had a good set of encouragers to do so..
I used to love what I do – and I would talk about this as my hobby to all..and each I met...

But in my teens I used to have tough time thinking – what is my hobby yaar.. ?
If hobby is a thing you do in your free time – or something when you are alone- squeeze meeeee.... I never had time left to do things – be whatever called a hobby..
Crowded with people – of all age groups.. and thats it..time just passes by for me...
Freak out..small shopping’s, movies & theatres, cricket , get togethers, jus roaming here and there....cycling, long swims in beaches all added to that...
Well- it’s the age where you actually want to understand the meaning of what is life to be? How to live it excitingly..and never get bored..!!
Yup....!! Involve in all sorts of freaks , ups and downs, all sorts of restrictions , thousands of smiles, imitate my hero, break the rules then scolding and warnings, silly tears...don’t know what all..to list...
I am on top of the world – Teenage is the age that makes you want to feel like that..:-)
Guess free time hobbies – got erased from my life ..reason was obvious..
me being the crown in my friends priority list ....I was actually on top of this world.

Life moves on... Years passed.. Never through these years I had a hobby to name one..
City never slept so early for me – when I was surrounded with my dear and near ones..
But without them, yes.. it goes to snoring loud ..so early at the sunset..
When I sit and think – how to kill time on a weekend, or wht to do today if I am back home early.. .. ?
Wondering have I to type Google 'what to do on free time’ ...?? Do i do that??
Or should I make facebook and orkut as my best buddies...?

Hobbies changed with changing priorities of others...
From a list of 0 – I started making it count till 12, 13..etc..
I don’t want to be a couch potato ....so my hobby list is increasing..with time.. and in the list this blog is on the tops now!!!!!!


Your changing priorities in life ...made me change my hobbies my dear friends...
..(inspired from the lazy post... Priorities... a suggested read)

I feel like that when you are near me..

Happiness is not always heavenly..
It a bliss when its felt deep in the soul..
Where all my real smiles dance in my heart..
I feel like that when you are near me..

Unexpected visits and meetings always creates delight..
It takes away all deep rooted sadness for a while..
Inner self feels filled with bundles of ecstasy..
I feel like that when you are near me..

Special is what I am , I felt in these days..
It takes away all lonesomeness in heart and soul..
Crowded surroundings don’t seem lonely around me..
I feel like that when you are near me..

Clutter disappear and my mind is crystal clear..
It takes away all the uncertainty in the thoughts..
Love is what I experience in this little life of mine..
I feel like that when you are near me..

A friend is a blessing… sent from heavens above..
And when it is you, I am ready for the challenge..
Challenge this world..for not losing you with time..
I feel like that when you are near or far..

Silence – is where I want to go...

Where you are losing the faith...
Give hope and break your death.
Where you are feeling parched...
Give splash and break your thirst.
Where you shed your own blood...
Give peace and break the fight.
Where you survive in the sinister...
Give shine and break the darkness.
Where you long for the soothing...
Give warmth and break your pain.
Where you plead for the mercy...
Give honesty and break prejudice.
Where you stumble as innocent...
Give knowledge and break ignorance.
Where you crawl as odd shadow...
Give name and break the nightfall.
Where you breathe unheard horror...
Give certainty and break your fear.
Where you live ever rising selfish...
Give my love and break your hate.

Yes..This is where I want to go...
And give away all my strength...
Silence is where I want to go...
Scream loud and break all deaf...

(I see & hear & feel - still I fail to give & react to silence )
:-(

!!!!!!!

To forgive you, I tried….tried hard…
Unless I can forget you….I can’t forgive you….
To forget you, I tried….tried a bit..
Unless I do desire , I can’t forget you…

Neither can forget you…nor forgive you…
I stop this dilemma today…now….
Be a bit harsh I may seem to be...
But yes....don't be surprised...
I keep this on the grounds that……

“Forgiving is an act of God!!!
And I shouldn’t try to be like God by forgiving you…!!!”

Are we 2? Or are we 6?

This interesting conversation came up with AR, when was trying to pull out the moody and lazy me to life.....
Yeah- It was being long since we talked either on phone?or thru a mail or a chat…

So when words like “2 of us talking would be boring…” came up…
I just reminded on the The Dark room conversation we had which was unbeatable one and that had made me blog it.

Suddenly from nowhere I know..…. the psycho in me popped up…..and gave its customary shape!!!

“let’s say u and me are talking, here there are only 2.. but actually 6 are there...and this is a fact
And the
1st person - the person whom I think who I am.
2nd person - the person whom U think who I am..
3rd person - the person who I actually is.
4th person - the person whom U think U are...
5th person - the person whom I think who U are..
6th person - the person who U actually is...”

: So we need to now feed all the 6 people ; definitely troublesome!!!
: No worry, here the 3rd and 6th person is always dumb.. so we don’t have to feed them..
:all the other 4 egos need to be fed thoroughly !!!
: 1st person - and 4th person – are deaf... check this… 1st and 4th - is what I think of I ; and what U think of U..rt.?? and these both person feel - there is nothing to change....and no need to hear....; so they tend to remain deaf...
: So in that case only left with the impressing two? Wont our conversations be boring?
:what if the 1st and 4th wishes to hear, and stop being deaf......!!! Then it’s never boring...and that’s where friendship works out...


I don’t know what made me blabber all these…conversations that took the lazy me out of me…for a while..
Seems like times we chat – just becomes memorable to me in some ways…

Give me a break…!!!

“ I think you can solve it for me, consider my proposal….now..” - I said with a serious face and a supposedly seducing smile..
“What… hey I was just trying to say..that…..”
I cut him off…..“In case if you really worried of me, please marry me…I am ok with you in settling my life...”
“ Not bad proposal ,but see, you,,know… hm, well.....I am already married..”
“ That’s ok for me, I can feel your love and concern for me….in getting settled ….– plzzzzzzzz get your wife divorced and accept me”
“ha..ha… ha….”
I felt hitting hard on his face and walking off...that moment… when he showed off his lol..…
I stared at him with the look..…so the question never comes out of his mouth...
Thts it....

Give me a break now..... Why bothered about me so much...
All come in my way – just coz I am still single…??
: hey, you aren’t married…still…
: you have to think of this one seriously…
: hope not hooked with anyone already..
: any issues at home with your boyfriend….
: don’t you feel it’s already late…..
: I bet you have a boyfriend…
: all of us are settled, its next your turn….

I wish if I could run away from these usual dramatic questions of life...
Statements coming out of real concern, and some just for the sake of it...….
ah…..
A good job , perks at the end of the month…having enough to spent on myself…
A home to stay on… Lovingly njoing the life….near and dear ones around…..
My life is not boring or stagnant.. its changing each moment .....What more is required to settle in life..
Or is “Settle in life” = “Married in life”
I think then, I have a different definition to the word SETTLE..
My life was or is not just a fairy tale… … so why prick the thorns into someone – whom I don’t even know..
Even if I need to pierce those to that guy – let it be a little late...
Hm...….

Instead of giving hell lots of explanation…I would want to scream....
“ If all you want me is to settle in life, I guess I am already settled with enough…”

I dedicate this one to those– who still stay single –and would want it...for the drama they need to face each day...

Absence is Absence

Times have changed so much - after you left my life...
Its never never never the same......
How hard I try to convince...
nothing happens...life still stay the same....
do things to make me better…. or say things to persuade
nothing happens...state is still the same
"You are always close 2 me , the feeling still holds... "
whatever be the words - plight stay still the same ..

Lovely it was - when you were around.... and each time I meet you now..
...the time stay lovely as before...and brings me in so much of joy…
ABSENCE IS ABSENCE - it has no other meaning..
And I can’t try to change its sense or scene....

In this heart....it knows...yeah the world is changing….time is moving…..and yes, life is moving.... Still it ticks anticlockwise ssearching for the time that it cherish..

Deep inside – a loneliness is growing its roots and crushing my heartbeats..
A loneliness that never gets filled.... the space left by you my dear....

Not to be forgotten....

The long 3 days weekend..….
I switched on the TV once I opened my eyes…for I didn’t have a plan to get out of my bed….
Yeah, The old movie was playing…
The channel seemed to tell me this “It was not to be forgotten – the reason why Friday is a holiday for you...”
Gandhijayanthi…
The movie on our Father of Nation….I wondered how many times I watched it on Doordarshan when I was young..
The SA train episode, the come back to India, the initial protest...…. salt movement…everything seemed to be perfectly planned in that persons mind…
How can one develop a strategy and be so confident that this is gonna surely work – and make others repeat his word-Ahimsa.
I sat and watched it…...not even bothering to brush my teeth….

May be after getting into my teenage – I always gained more of an interest in watching such movies…
Somewhere deep inside...…I knew….
I admire Bhaghat and Gandhiji – Two contradicting characters in the history of my nation – driving their life to freedom.
Thanks to the one who struggled – for they were the reason why I was born free…in this nation :-)

I had a long weekend – and now hitting hard to start this Monday…....

7 favorite songs….

This one’s for you Rafael- - for the tag you gave me..….

In my list of favorites….I do have Hindi , Malayalam and Tamil songs…(Desi ones)
But here I am jus listing the top seven numbers in English..

1. Bryan Adams – Please forgive me..
2. Bon Jovi – It’s my life
3. Bryan Adams – Everything I do, I do it for you..
4. Backstreet Boys – Quit playing games…
5. Enrique – Hero…
6. Faith Hill - There you'll be(Pearl harbor)
7. Boyzone – Words are all I have..

These ones hit my ears once in a week....for sure..:-)

Hating helplessness…

At times where someone dear to you is struggling...
And you can feel clearly that its utmost pain to them...
Yeah, nothing can help – wait and watch...

At times where someone dear to you is stressed...
And you know the deep rooted reason for the stress...
Yeah, nothing can help – wait and watch...

At times where someone dear to you is frazzled...
And you know what to do to provide the soothe...
Yeah, nothing can help – wait and watch...

At times where someone dear to you is tied...
And you know where to find those chain keys...
Yeah, nothing can help – wait and watch...

Sometimes life is so helpless….And now I feel so helpless...
I feel handcuffed -for the only thing I can do now...
Only thing I can do is - stop worrying of my dear one...
Only thing I can do happens to be the most impossible one...

The typical girl thoughts ....

A 3rd time denial would have been a straight cut to say that 'Get out of my way" ,but yes I was rushing from office to home and wondering if traffic would get me home on time. That was the reason I thought of getting onto it...

First time - I had denied it..saying I was not to that direction....Second time while I was at the bus stop I could see the vehicle getting slow..but I just waved my hands indicating that I am not gonna join...
Daily journey is in the public transport - own bengaloooru bmtc....and yeah my mp3 player and my creative buds helps me strive through the traffic all days...The idea of getting a lift never seemed bad to me if it’s a car I am getting into..But yeah to sit with a guy - whom you just know a bit 'hi-bye' kind of...on the back seat of the bike is not such a relaxed idea....I am so much used to the back seat of a bike since I am ten years old..and I hate the idea of ride with some stranger...it was never a comfy zone for me..be it girl or guy...

I hardly turned or coloured professional relationships into personal taste.....very few in number that had turned into friendships..That explains why I was trying to recall his name - when the bike stopped aside me and the question was just going to shoot at me....It was just a few metres away from my office building and yeah the urgency to reach home sooner made me get onto it...Of course it was embarrassing to hear from him say that he saw me waving a bbye to him on the roads last time and that was the reason for him not to stop... I wanted to say - ‘its not coz I have a problem with you….but I don’t like the idea of it..’ –but I remained shut...
Sometimes it’s hard to be in conversation when u don’t have any topic..but somehow I managed to flow thru - traffic – roads – journeys - harsh auto ridings- drive in rain- office timings – work deadlines – etc… A couple of previous conversations with him had made me feel that he is not a bad guy......I was sitting on the bike holding the back handle making sure the distance..while I would have sat a bit more closer with my hands on the shoulders if the rider was in my close friend’s list.

I remembered when one of my friend AA had told about this...“ sab kudiyaan jaanthi hain ki bike pe kaise betna hai...aur front brake's kaise handle karna hai...tum ladki log sab jaantey hain kiskey saath kaise rehna hai...”

The tries of maintaining the gap between didn’t seem harder, but yeah I thought about AA , It’s very true that a girl knows how to get treaty with a guy....in the way she actually wants...
Reaching in less than half hour...I got down at main road – rather alighting in front of my house – the reason I had to go to travels to cancel and book the bus tickets for vacation savd me... It was a sports bike – I noticed it only when I got down from it as the back seat height was more than the normal ones..:-(
I wished I didn’t …hear that question to answer…
"If you are leaving in the mornings by 8:30 – 9 – you can give me a call okei..."
"let me see…, Thanks" that’s all I could say to him...
Was that to kill the lonely drive he doing all mornings, or was just a friendly approach...to take in..

Thoughts creeped in for a while....A girlish nature of mine never peeps out much –replying in that sort of a way...but I was surprised today – a typical girlish – and her thoughts were giving birth this evening...

Our Evening Meetings

Our Evening Meetings...
That’s what I like to call it now...
It’s really hard to make time to meet my friend - even when I know she is going through tough times of her life...or even I badly wanted to see her...and even when we know yes its being long since we seen each other...
Planning for holidays, waiting for weekends, that is not there between us now...
Today evening - be it for half hour or one hour..that’s it - its today....
And yes office hours doesn’t seems to gets over by 6pm all days...and making time is also a tough job....but yes we made it .....like last time...

Yesterday I was feeling so happy as a friend...
And I know you would be really happy in your life that I am there with you...
You have been an inspiration to me and I had never thought I would one day have to try hard to make u inspired, motivated , lift you up from the pit hole you falling into....
trying to inject inside you all positive energy I had that very moment...
Yesterday when I was with you...sipping that hot tea in the cup …in A2B, and while we were pouring out each other whatever we could... I was listening to my heart....
"Oh God have I made it late.....I shouldn't have waited for weekends, or holidays or half day free time...to meet my friend...."

No wonder all says- If you want it - that’s it - this is it today...it’s just today - it’s just now this moment....do it now..and yes it applies for keeping in touch with friends too....and no excuse turns out to be real excuses for not doing it...


Yes my friend, that’s it - I would very well want our evening meetings..now and then...rather waiting for a time to come for us to meet in leisure...

I never want you to get lost - atleast till I can buy 2 cups of tea to sip on..:-)

You , my special one...

Sometimes a state of happiness is achieved only from the special one...
Happiness that touches the heart..and remains in the soul….
On seeing that someone….On hearing voice of someone...
On being with that someone for some time...
That special person is always born to bring special happiness to you…
They capture your thoughts, able to change them in a second...
Enter into your mind pull away all worries haunting you...
And then you feel so happy inside that rest everything seems worthless…

I feel everyone in this world will have a special someone,
mother, father, bro, sis, friend, wife, husband, daughter ,son..
or sometimes in forms of a relation where a name is unknown..
Agreeing to the verity that happiness of life, is all that matters to living.
Everyone tends to seek it…be it any ways….in any form..
When I set aside all my work, al priorities just for you...
Alas the wait ended when I could meet you after a long span..
When I saw you today….I was exactly feeling only one thing....
You, the one where my soul gets tied up tight in your sight…..
Happiness flowed in me for I was yearning for it...
And yes it was only you who could ever make me feel so happy like that...
and that was really enough for me to make me straight...
For I felt really blessed..and yes really blessed..
That I have found the special someone in you..
The special someone has touched my life long time back...
Still stay as my special friend of this lifetime…forever...

Yet to Learn...

Hard time is when you know a relation is not moving on good...
When you feel within that a friend is not the same anymore...
The one mattered to you once no longer seems so important...
The one you cared so much no longer need you anymore...
There are certain points in life where a relation seize to exist...
And the act of pulling the thread starts… by the two holding it...
When it breaks, it just breaks…yes I know for sure it breaks...
As I had earlier written – on A word called TRUST...
It’s become so hard to define, more than anything in my life...
To actually decide on the point of a relation...the real fact
To continue the unwanted…or just put a full stop to it...
Or still be ready to run behind the one you longed for...
For giving your time and then to never see the finish line..

Tried hard to keep the feeling alive, much more in heart...
Was I all these years trying for it...so to keep it alive.
For those who says love is all about giving and giving...
And nothing more than giving, expecting nothing in return...
I ask them – how long you can do it and how far you can...??
How long you carry a forgiving heart that never gets tired...??.
In a long run everyone will come to know..the real fact..
One can never give anything for free..unless other needs it...
If the value is not recognized –love takes form of the Demand-Supply law
Try for a 99% discount offer, it s never sought-after unless real need.
It’s like striking on the rock to seek reflection in dark...
The rock never shines for you – atleast not...in this lifetime.

Value whatever you have...that gives you happiness...
Value whomever you have... who gives you attention...
Treasure them more..in your heart...and life...
Treasure is they leave beside for you...all times.